[ False Feelings ]
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 @ 12:09 AM
Darling
You don't love me.
You pitied me.
You didn't stay with me today,
because you love me.
You stayed with me because you pitied me.
Because you are afraid you'll hurt me.
But you already did.
By telling me,
For these 1 year and 6 months.
You loved her and only her.
You told me to fix your heart.
You said that when we first started.
You told me i did.
My job was done.
It was done a long time ago.
I think, maybe,
this though that never crossed your mind.
"I want to give her a whole heart, an unbroken heart"
This is the feeling i get.
"I am her replacement, I'm here to heal your broken heart for her"
This is what i'm thinking.
You love her.
You love her more than you ever "loved" me.
I can tell.
I'm not that blind.
But, when my job was done a long time ago,
when you knew your heart was fixed.
While i wasn't too reliant on you.
You should have ended it.
I feel even more hurt now.
because you made me love you.
You made me become so attached to you.
Then within a day,
you shattered everything.
Then you tried to fix everything,
regretting shattering it.
I'm not the one for you.
You know it.
You're pitying me.
You're making me feel pathetic.
You're tired.
You know why?
Its because you're really tired of me.
You're tired of me crying,
You're tired of me telling myself to give up.
I don't know you anymore.
They way you talk to her,
The way you talk to me.
It's obvious, who you wanted more.
It's so obvious...
"Make me happy then"...?
You'll never be.
Because you love her so so SO MUCH MORE!
Can't you see?
How much you love her?
How foolish you are towards her?
SHE TOLD YOU TO BREAK UP WITH ME!
WHY DIDNT YOU LISTEN?
Because you pitied me.
Because you knew i can't let go?
Because of what i said you just changed your mind?
Yes,
I admit,
I'm very happy you stayed.
But i'm even even more disappointed that you stayed because you FREAKING PITIED ME.
I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY.
I'm feel so pathetic.
You know why i'm telling you that i don't want to tell you now?
Because you probably had a really really hard time to choose.
You hate hurting people,
yet what you are doing is just that.
Thanks for trying to "love" me.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know how to be with you now that i know you love her so damn much.
so damn much it was able to break a relationship build for a year and a half within a day.
You don't love me.
You're deceiving yourself.
You never really love or loved me.
It's not a bit.
Its you never did.
You know that?
I'm crying. because i know now...
How much pain i am causing you.
Sorry, but i have to say it.
I'm sorry i'm hurting you.
Would you not hurt yourself?
Would you please choose her because she's the one you really love?
I don't like to be pitied.
Because it makes me feel like i'm not strong enough.
It's a fact i know, that i'm not strong.
But i feel smaller when i'm being pitied than when my heart is being shattered.
I know, this might just end our relationship.
But, darling, please.
Don't pity me.
Don't feel guilty because of me.
Don't be sad because of me.
Don't feel like you've broken a heart.
Although they may be facts.
Like i said.
If you really love her so much, from what i can see,
you will,
never,
ever,
ever in your life.
Think about me again.
You will not cry for or because of me.
You will feel guilt.
You will not feel pain.
There's never a time when you feel part here and part there.
Here, I'll spell it out for you:
1) You don't want to leave me
Reason: You feel guilty because you think you broke my heart and that you are pitying me by staying with me. Just to make me "Happy".
2) Part of you want to be with her
Reason: You love her. So much more than you ever EVER love or loved me.
I'm her replacement :)
I know.
So i knew,
you'd pick her.
you'll always pick her.
Elixian
your little replacement.
