[ The Me You'll Never See ]
Saturday, October 01, 2016 @ 12:32 AM
The Me - You'll never see
As I read my blog, digging for inspiration as to what's me.
I find that I've always closely tied my emotions to music.
It's always my inspiration.
The Night calms me, sets me thinking.
Next week's a new chapter of my life.
For the next 7 months. The rest of my life.
I'm nervous, totally not sure what to do.
A friend once told me:
"You have to be comfortable in getting lost in life"
I guess I am... lost?
What are my priorities?
I'm kinda unsure of everything.
Previously, I mentioned a man I can't help but fall so helplessly in love with.
Well, we're about to graduate soon.
I hope I earn my degree soon.
7 more months. 7 Hard long months.
I don't want people to see this side of me.
I'm vulnerable.
I feel naked.
There's no mask to hide my feelings.
Then again, I don't think I feel anything anymore.
I've made such great friends who are all willing to take me in when I'm alone.
Friends who noticed me when I'm alone, who reached to help me.
As I read my older posts,
My bad habit kicks in - I keep spotting my mistake
"Why are you comparing yourself to your past? Move on."
You know what?
I am still helplessly in love with that guy.
It's been a year plus.
I still like him.
I wish he'd look at me as a woman.
Not friends with benefit.
Then again.. what benefits?
He doesn't even bother making time when I ask.
I have no more time to spare from this week on.
I have to move on with my life.
I really really hate to leave everything behind.
I'm so upset.
I wish you'll see me,
I wish you'll love me.
Right now, I want to be in my emotions.
I want to let myself go for a while.
Be unreasonable.
Haha, well, I'm forever unreasonable here.
It's my little space.
I get to be whoever I want.
I want to be happy.
Please look at me.
I have liked you for the past year.
Abyss.
