Kärnïvàl.

[ This is about Us ]

Saturday, June 29, 2013 @ 6:57 AM

This is about US

Think about it.

Why are we like this?

Why are in causing useless & unnecessary stress to our own relationship?

Why do you contradict yourself so much which results in us being strained?

I know despite all these flaws, big or small, I will still love you.

But putting these stress on our relationship will not bring us anywhere.

It's been 3 years, we haven't really matured.

We still face the same problems when we first started out.

We know we both love each other

We know we both don't want each other hurt or ill

We know very well that by Hiding anything about our hurt will stop each other from worrying

But THAT is what is hurting us.

We're not a 100% honest with each other because we enjoy these white lies

I know white lies will not hurt each other directly

However if you think about it;

It does.

We need to grow up.

We need to change a little bit.

Yes, i said "We"

I have to be more understanding

I have an entire list of things i wish i can be better at

But at the same time, i have expectations for you too.

You always tell me you don't know what i want.

I'm always not telling you things.

But about i type out this entire list of things?

Would that help?

But I know this;

Even if i type out these entire chunks, you will not do the same

"Eye for an eye"

It's a quote that means fairness generally.

I want you to treat me as I treat you.

I want us to be fair even if this world isn't.

So here's my list of things I wish I/we could be:

1. I wish to be better at Art

2. I wish to better express myself

3. I wish to control my temper

4. I wish we'd be more honest

5. I wish we won't fight/argue as much; even for small things

6. I wish we had time to spend together

7. I wish we can be fair

8. I wish you can be taller

9. I wish you can be slimmer

10. I wish i had a better body figure

11. I wish I had the ability to just say what i want to

12. I wish i didn't have to get angry at you for something you never did

13. I wish you could read my mind

14. I wish we can stay together forever if it exists

15. I wish we can just cuddle and forget everything

16. I wish we didn't have to worry about each other; but have complete trust

17. I wish i was more honest

18. I wish i was lighter

19. I wish i was more beautiful for you

20. I wish i could be a better person so you can be proud of me

21. Sometimes, i wish you'd show me off proudly

22. I wish I was more disciplined

23. I wish I can be more independent in my work and studies

24. I wish i can handle not talking to you for a week

25. I always wish you'd surprise me

26. I wish you would come up to me every time i'm angry and give me a hug and even if i push you away

27. I wish you would do something i find special to me

28. I wish you'd come over on your own and it didn't matter what time or if my parents were home or not

29. I wish you'd cuddle with me and watch a good movie or show

30. I wish we can travel the world together

You know? I have so many things i wish for; So many things that are considerably impossible.

But what i want the most is for US to be HAPPY.

Days can be boring. Un-entertaining; Plain. Simple.

Even if it's hard, I wish we are happy.

I'm really upset now.

I have done so much wrong in the past few minutes that i can totally just hide in a hole

I wish sometimes, I had the courage to tell you things without getting angry or embarrassed.

I wish you'd tell me things as it happens and not after it had been solved.

I love spending time with you.

My favourite time of the day is when it's with you cuddling.

I enjoy sleeping next to you, hugging you like my teddy.

It's honestly, one of my favourites.

A top on my list.

If only i didn't feel guilt.

I'm so flawed.

So many peccadilloes; yet you still love me.

I really feel blissful to have met you.

I always always wish i could have done more for you.

Sigh.

Do you understand what I am saying?

Am i ranting too much?

Over a simple argument, disagreement?

Honestly, today, when i get to see you after 3 agonizing weeks.

I was very VERY happy.

I wanted to hug you so much and kiss you and tell you "I love you"

but rules are rules so I can understand.

Take a guess;

When was i happiest yesterday? - apart from seeing you

Hahas, it's always about me and never about you.

That's why.. i feel guilty.

Elixian