[ Blame ]
Friday, January 14, 2011 @ 4:25 AM
Blame
Yeah, yet again it's my fault.
you always make me feel bad.
you know that?
did you know how much it hurts?
no, maybe you don't.
oh wait
i'm not suppose to think
My mentality is wrong.
i forgot i'm sorry.
From now onwards tell me how to think ok?
tell me how to do everything.
how to do GDD, how to do everything
so you won't find faults.
i'll be your puppet ok?
i'll obey your every command.
I won't move my limbs unless you make me move.
cause i have no brain of my own.
are you satisfied?
Am i making you sad?
sorry i don't mean to be.
i don't know how you feel,
just like you don't know how i feel or think.
i'm screwed up just like that.
Have you ever wondered why,
when you tell me about these games i love so much,
i try my best to chase or tell you don't play?
Why do i want to be on the top?
why don't i want you to overtake me?
you over took me in so many games.
You told me in a game, said:
"you can't chase up liao"
or
"wah why you keep chasing one?"
oh yeah.
That game, know why i stop playing it?
cause i gave up as usual.
i started later so i don't expect much.
i never intend to chase you when i start games you ask me to play.
but you like to play games to the full extent.
every time we talk about things like these,
you loose the mood then you just log off
or you =.= me.
you know, when you do that.
it makes me feel very sad?
you like to leave without saying anything.
maybe He was right,
you are a silent breaker.
Maybe i'm just not worth it for you.
you hate this side of me right?
you hate me to be sad and all negative.
you don't like to see me angry for no reason.
you don't like me to tickle you
you don't like me to tease you
you don't like me to play with your hair
what do you like about me?
"I don't know"
thats your reply isn't it?
or i think it use to be "i like you when you smile"
if u still like it when i smile. Then i like to smile.
Then i like to smile to make you smile.
I like to be the support role to help people.
but i like to be on the top so i can continue to help people.
not a very illogical thing is it?
I'm sick
And i will get even more sick.
Not your fault.
but, just to let you know,
i really want to rest.
but to attain my own goals,
i have the pressure from you.
I want to rest.
if not one day you can forget about seeing me forever.
cause my body can't take it.
i'm not strong.
Not like you
I never was strong.
It hurts.
sometimes, its not what i want
but its what i need.
because everyone around me,
every once made me feel like
"the world doesn't want me here"
everyone made me felt as if i'm an outcast.
I've come to accept that fact.
That i don't belong to anywhere.
That maybe death,
is where i should be going to.
My whole body aches and is in pain.
but, i guess
it doesn't matter anymore now that i don't have to think anymore right?
Sorry, i'm probably just a burden to you.
I can't bring you joy.
As much as i wanted to.
I still love you.
but after seeing me like this,
i wonder if you would still want me.
"if you are my wife..IF"
hahas, funny how...i've lost all hope.
~Elixian
i never blamed you
