Hug by babygoth;Deviantart

Warmth

Today was weird.

Tears just rolled down my face
I didn't know why i cried

my mind was blank at the point of time
but the tears just flowed

The questions you asked me today
to be honest i didn't know how to answer

Sorry i'm stubborn sometimes
but i just felt that i wanted to see you
i wanted to stay by you

But i don't think i'm all that strong

♥

Confused ):

---------------------------------------------

Pain

I know i lied
It hurts
maybe that's why those tears rolled

but it didn't hurt that bad
probably not as much as what you had felt that day

i know i'm not feeling well
i know my stomach hurts
i know my head hurts till it feels like it's not even there

but every time i looked at your face in the hospital
i can't help it

even though i knew full well that there's going to be nothing wrong
you'll be back
but it just flowed out

i tried to hold back

sorry i couldn't ):

i didn't mean to cry
but i really don't know why...

~Elixian

Splattered Disturbance V2 by VectorCookie; Deviantart

Needles

Today was kind of a bad day
i was poked by needles over and over

During break time
I fainted
caused Jon and Sam so much trouble ):
made Jordan worried

Got sent to Changi General Hospital?
Was put on drip
almost got sent to IMH ._.

Then my parents brought me to see Jordan at SGH.

After they left,
I fainted again.

Lucky i didn't have to go to A&E @ @

אתה אמר: "תשאל ואתה יקבלו", אבל אני מפחד אלוהים. מעולם לא הייתי רוצה להתמודד עם זה שוב.
You said "Ask and you will receive", but i am afraid, God. I never want to face that again.

I want to be normal again.
I wish my life would go back to what it use to be;

Just us.

Sharing both joy and sadness together.

But this time
Although i can still take it
We both are suffering together

But neither of us want to see each other in our own state

I'm sorry ):

Wished i was stronger....

♥

---------------------------------------

Without i even realizing,
These tears falls on my cheek

I’m trying to hide
The heartbeats of my sorrow

This night, i hold your hand
Tight, and fall asleep

‘Good Night’

I think it would be wonderful
If i could spend another morning with you
Even if that’s only a mere hope
A miracle that i can only imagine

When i can’t confess anything
I can’t say ‘Good Bye’, too

Even if this voice fades
This melody shall not fade

And when i think that the end
Will come someday
In this night sky i pray
For that smile to remain forever

‘Good Night’

~Last Night, Good Night

~Elixian

あなたは私を聞くことができますか？
can you hear me?
私は、あなたがこの祈りに答えることができることを望みます。
i hope you can answer this prayer.

私はあなたのためにこれらのメモを演奏します。
i play these notes for you.
私は、あなたがそれらを聞くことができたならいいのにと思います。
i wish you could hear them.
私が祈るように、日々が過ぎます。
days pass as i pray.

私は、あなたが彼を救うことを祈ります。
I pray you would save him.
あなたは彼を治します。
You would heal him.
そして彼を私に戻してください,
And bring him back to me,
私たちに,
to us,
安全によくそして笑って。
safely, well and laughing.
彼が私に健康的な必要があると話した所に、私は日々を逃します。
I miss the days where he told me i needed to be healthy.
当時私たちは笑いと叫びを共有しました。
Those days we shared laughing and crying.

神、
God,
私がそうして何でも,
I would anything,
私は何でも与えます。
I would give anything.
私がもう1つの生命〔生活〕を殺さなくてもよい限り
As long as i don't have to kill another life
あるいは他の誰かを犠牲にしてください
or sacrifice someone else
彼がセーブであるために、私は何でもします。
I would do anything for him to be save.

私があなたが彼と一緒にいることを祈って普段です。
I pray you would be with him everyday.
私が子を産むことができない時彼の手を持つこと　に。
Holding his hands when i cannot bear to.
私が力がない時彼を治します。
Healing him when i am powerless.
私は何でもありません。
I am nothing.

全部私がすることができて祈ることです。
All i can do is pray.
そして私は祈りがあなたに届くことを望みます。
And i hope my prayers will reach you.
私は、あなたがこの祈りを私に与えることができることを望みます。
I hope you can grant me this prayer.
そして彼を保護してください。
And protect him.

私は彼を愛しています。
I love him.

私はそれの全てをあなたに任せます,
I leave it all to You,
私の主人。
My Lord.
私は信じます。
I will believe.

あなたの最も貴重な名で,
In your most precious name,
私は祈ります。
I pray.


~Elixian

Do i have the right to be Jealous?
I think you still love her very much.
I'm jealous.

But i won't do anything,

I'm pathetic.
I know i'm thinking too much.
But i can't help it.
You'll probably hate me for this.

But i feel hurt now ):

I finally know how much i love you.

~Elixian

Turn Around by suicide-bee; Deviantart

Expectations

I think it's just me.
I expected so much.
Too much.

Yeah, it's just me.

Sorrow & Pain

Darling
I'm sorry.
I didn't know i hurt you that much that day.

Those 2 days.
To see you like that,
It hurts like hell inside.

I hope i won't ever have to see that side ever again.
I know i caused that to happen.
I'm sorry.

):

I love you.

♥

Choosing to Believe

I have brought myself to come and believe you existed.
You'll always be there.
And i will not regret this decision i hope.

I only hope i can bring happiness to those around me.

Worries

You don't have to worry.
I'm ok.
You already knew my problem.
Yet you pretended not to know.

I hate you for that.
I never wanted to hate you.
But every action you've made.

It hurts me.
So what if it hurts you?
It hurts me more.

Leave me as i am.
Do that.
And i'll return to you.

~Elixian
the world in which you believed in so dearly