collapsed.








































Because i wanted to.


























































White Karnival tainted with red stars.
~Elixian

I wanted to see you so badly
I wanted to forget you just as much
I wanted to move up to you
but i didn't dare to.

I didn't dare to add you,
I no longer dare to talk to you.
I have this fear for you.
That 6 words were piercing.
I wished i didn't have to hear it.

I need to change and forget.
I need to be someone i want to be.
I need to stop dreaming and start believing.
I need to be me.
But i didn't dare to.

I dare myself to do it,
but in the end,
I still don't dare to move.
I fear you.
Yet, i want to see you.

I no longer want this thing.
I can throw it away.
But in the end.
I'll still kill myself and dig for it.
I want to see you.
I want to see my missing piece.

~Elixian.
"Never die on your knees." Fight it.

We used to be more thsn just these puppets.
Used to be a person with feelings.
I used to be someone.
Someone who had rights.
Someone who was alive.
Now i'm nothing but a Tool.
And Tools are meant to be used.
I'm just another person who "died".
And i feel like the world will collapse.
It will die with me.
It will break and wear away.
Just like how tools,
were made to be.

Because we used to be more than just me.
because,
i used to be me.

Its simply because,
we used to be us.

Why did i change? why did we change?
I'd like to know,
Why?

Because we're more than just these pawns of a game.
a game called "life and death".
So dream out loud and make this world fall.
Make it collapse and make it scream.
Make it suffer just like we did.
I will bring this world down with me.
Just like we used to be.
Because.
Because, i.
Because i used to be.

In the end.
I loved my past.
Simply because it was us.
Because we used to be.

so have faith in me.
because i no longer believe.
I was a dreamer.
but the dream ended.
I'm no longer a dreamer,
so tell me gaia.

Why did we change,
from what we use to be?

would you dream with me?

-----------------------------------------------
The strings snapped.

~Elixian

will fill in the captions another time

~Elixian

Here are jut some photos, no captions what so ever, erm, not in order. (will add more later on)

















Note: erm, if no one reads this blog, i'm not going to update it (with picture etc) anymore =__=...
i judge by the number of tags >___>

~Elixian

I hate being at home with my parents around esp!!! ARH?!

i meant, who DRIVES your child who has a fever of 39 degrees to study the whole day?!!!?!?!??!

ITS NO INHUMAN!!!! ):<

I HATE YOU gosh... )x think more caring can? i mean, hello? you took a off to do what? take care of me right? but in stead you just make sure i study? what crap.

what are the other things you claim you did for me?
remind me to take my medicine? look. I'm not dumb. i'm the one who is ill, it's obvious i know to take my medicine without you being there to remind me =__= you're the one who's dumb.

oh, you bought food for me? ya right. it's not as if i can't go downstairs to buy food for myself. and for goodness sake. i'm tired as well, but i still wake up EARLIER than you. i wake up at 8am or 7am. you? past 8 or 9 am...what crap right? look at yourself. =__= are you fit a not?

gosh. sometimes u just make me roll my eyes at you. Ya so what if i'm giving you that attitude? or giving you the "angry" tone? it's BECAUSE I FELT YOU DESERVED IT. you hear that? YOU F*CK*I*G DESERVED it. =___=

and yes, i was being nice here (: if im' not i'll probably just throw somethnig at you. and i dare to do that. so shut up. for goodness sake. i'm SICK. PHYSICALLY SICK. dont' compare me to my sister. because we're not equal. so shut up. shut your FREAKING A$$HOLE MOUTH UP. enough nonsense from you. i had it. you've pissed me off like nothing.

>__> maybe you're the cause of my fever, not my sister. u freak.

~Elixian
(P.S. if anything here has offended anyone, please don't take it to heart. unless you're the one guilty of pushing off to the edge where by i can resolve to throw penknives at you [: )

lols this is my 300th post...surprisingly lols... and here i am, why? cause i'm sick..and i can't go to school.

Sick?
yes, with high fever of 38.9 (no i'm not kidding) and a cough :P
i have 2 test tmr...and i'm hoping i can go for them, if not i'll have to stay back to do the test...which, sucks. :P i'm already studying bonding singpore~ almost memorised 1 essay... gonna work on the next one soon... hahas

I'm hoping to memorise both the essays and pass with flying colours for ss...for once >.> since i have the advantage of being at home the whole day, although my brain isn't really working with the heat i have there >.>

I haev to practice math after that...in the night until 11 pm (:<>.> integration's still ok lols...

ok so now, i'm waiting to see the doctor for the 2nd time x__x and i'm taking a break from studying.. (which i'm not supposed to). hahas

How's everyone's day at school?? i hope it's been good. At least better than being stuck at home with a "burning" brain >.>

Sigh... ):

oh and to you:
it's ok (: i'm not gonna side anyone. like i said you can't change that person, neither can you change yourself. If that person isn't going to "appreciate" you, then don't bother with treating that person so well. You might regret it, like me. hahas. k?

-------------------------------------------------------------
Just wanna share:

I had this dream. just today.

I was with someone in a store, and i got bored, i walked out. I looks up to the next floor. That's when we spotted each other. He called me. The mall was very familar to me, but i can't really make out which mall it was >.> and then we held hands like we did last time. or perhaps it's just my imagination that we did.

We were walking , suddenly, my friend appeared and walked alongside us. She was really hyper. it's a good thing. then we made out way to a book store, still with hands held. I felt happy, i don't know why.

Then, when we were in the book store, we walked in different ways to the books section we liked. After a while, he joined me again, and held my hand. We starting walking, and suddenly, i smelled smoke. i turned. And i can't find anyone smoking..then i realised, he was smoking. I was shocked. and i looked at him, he gave me a face which i can't remember.

Then, he ran.

I was stunt for a moment. and i ran after him. calling his name. he disappeared. i kept searching. I was desperate. I wanted to find him. find him really badly and tell him to stop smoking. then, i fainted. then when i woke up, i saw myself in my game. Than a creature approached me. "The virus infected..." something like that..was the name of the creature. It said "hi". and i replied. and once i did. It hit me, and within a few hits, i died.

But the weird thing is: I still felt the desperation to find him. I don't know who he was. But he seems so familar. Then, i realised. "I love him, that's why i'm desperate to find him."

-------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up after that. by my mom to go school lols...but i didn't cause my temperature ws 38.5 >.>

hahas yeah i know its a love story (dream) BUT!!!!! i honestly, don't know who that guy is. and i have no idea where i am. it's just that i thought that dream was meaningful to a certain extend >.>

I wanna go back to school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DDDD:

Nyuuu i don't wanna be quarantine )x CHRIS SERN AM I REALLY QUARANTINE?! DDD:!!!

sigh...what a waste of time now T___T

~Elixian
P.S. My brain is "burning" so don't mind if i said anything out of point ;__;

Ok, my week has a very tiring lols xDD i'll update about it tonight.. (actually i'm just going to edit this post later on in the night)

Right now, just a quick update on what i recently fell in love with hahas~!

[edit]
ahem~! ok, so here i am... updating before i start doing my work in which i'd seriously..die for.. ):

MONDAY
I can't remember..sadly..

TUESDAY
Went for tuition i suppose? well.. >.>

WEDNESDAY
yet another day .__.

THURSDAY
the same thing i guess? i have no memory what so ever ):

FRIDAY
i think something happened...can't remember...

SATURDAY
went for tuition then went out with yokpin...walked everywhere..my legs hurt T__T but i finally bought the rest of my clothes :P

SUNDAY
Went for tuition...almost fell asleep...tired...then...went to buy lunch...went home...played some games...went out to get my shoes, the last part of my set .__. then went home...played games, dinner and games yet again..i'm gonna study now.. ._.

I seriously want to buy ADTR's Cd and Escape the Fate .__. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3


Escape the Fate - Not Good Enough For The Truth In Cliche



Here's the lyrics~!

Hurtful words,
From my enemies of the last five years,
What's it like to die alone?

How does it feel when tears freeze,
When you cry?
The blood in your veins is twenty below.

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Something I cannot forget.

So for now, take this down a notch,
Crash my car through your window,
Make sure you're still alive,
Just in time to kill you,

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Something I cannot forget.

I can't take this (take) anymore
I can't take this (take) anymore
I can't take this (take) anymore
(I cannot feel what you've done to me)
I can't take this (take) anymore
(What you've done to me)

So for now, take this down a notch,
Crash my car through your window,
(Window)

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

Something I cannot forget.

:) enjoy!

~Elixian

hahas well i've been listening to some music lately...it's almost the end of the week xDD lols

and a sad piece of news... i'm no longer graduating on 18 July DD:!!!! that's so sad )x ARGH!

sigh.. anyways just a full song lyric, and some other songs i like (: and am addicted to for the past few days :D

Have faith in me, cause there are things that I've seen I don't believe.
So cling to what you know and never let go.
You should know things aren't always what they seem.

I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it.
If you didn't have a chance then I never did.
You'll always find me right there again.

I've gone crazy, cause there are things in the streets I don't believe.
So we'll pretend it's alright (pretend it's alright!)
and stay in for the night, what a world.
I'll keep you safe here with me (with me!).

I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it.
If you didn't have a chance then I never did.
You'll always find me right there again.

I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it.
If you didn't have a chance then I never did.
You'll always find me right there again.

They've got me on the outside looking in,
but i can't see at all with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
They just wanna see me fall.

They've got me on the outside looking in,
but i can't see at all with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
They just wanna see me fall.

Have faith in me.

I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it.
If you didn't have a chance then I never did.
You'll always find me right there again.

I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it.
If you didn't have a chance then I never did.
You'll always find me right there again.

I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
I said I'd never let you go and I never did.
I said I'd never let you go and I never did.

~ A day to remember - Have Faith In Me.

other songs by the same band:
+ I'm Made Of Wax, Larry, What Are You Made Of?
+ If It Means A Lot To You
+ Momument
+ Mr.Highway's Thinking About The End
+ The Downfall of Us All Lyrics
+ The Plot To Bomb The Panhandle Lyrics

:DDD i'm gonna download more sooooooooooooon hahhahahahaha

** i don't think many people will like it. but listen to "if it means a lot to you" MUST!!! Dx

~Elixian
will update again at the end of the week :D

haha here's something that's pretty old. but still damn funny xDDD
here:



(:!
enjoy hahas~~~

~Elixian

well, nothing much to say??

first week back to school was really slow!!! ):

And i'm really missing all the "old" teachers i had. Maybe it's just because i've yet to get use to the new teachers who are helping us.. sigh..

Anyways:
WARNING: THR FOLLOWING CONTAINS CONTENT THAT IS SUPER OUT-OF-CHARACTER!!!!! IT'S GIRLY!!!!! :D

let's see:

Monday
ehh...a freaking slow day... i remember i was sleeping in class..whoops! btw~! great show put up by our school dancers for AYG!!! lols it's really nice laa..show Jethro, William, Chun Jay(?), Alyssa (if i'm not wrong) on TV!! hehe xDD it's so cool!! lols

Tuesday
same thing.. no band for the week though..and COE is cancelled!! ): if i don't perform for that i don't think i can graduate =.= sigh...didn't go for tuition i think...oh..i was really pissed off about some things that day... sigh..nvm...

Wednesday
Well...school's as usual, the AYG people (dancers) were back in school and i continued to sleep during lessons. It's sad to say chemistry, physics...i think were the only lessons i haven't slept in =.= apart from pe.. then ss...ok la...

Thursday
Ehh chemistry lessons were the best still.. then i finished an essay in 20 mins x____x for ss test..hais... got PE today.. then muscle ache the day day thanks to badminton..shows how rusty i am..

Friday
oh..ok...finally went to check my olvl oral date.. thank goodness it's like...DAYS away... >__> then lessons were ok..the only lesson i found interesting was ss...apart from that i slept in math lessons again =.= english lessons were...eh..shall not say.. it's not interesting at all...at least when mrs ang was around it was much more interesting (:! not that the new teacher is bad but..just not as interesting as mrs ang's lesson.

after school...went home.. oh i had DOUGHNUTS!!! ah ha xDD then met up with a friend, talked and waited for the bus with him (: ehh...went home...went to bugis for dinna~~~~

lols and i bought a new bag!! woot woot~! hahas cause my old one had a hole at the bottom the size of a deodourant =.= hmm...nothing much after...i think...

Saturday
As usual, woke up late on purpose, played computer, went to tuition, came home, played some more and slept :D oh yeah.... i recommand "sophie's world" to anyone who loves philosifical(?) i can't spell... =.= kind of stories.. it's a really good book ^ ^ to me at least...
haha

Sunday
Woke up early for tuition as usual ^ ^ then went shopping,..i bought a skirt...can you believe that?? a skirt... and it's short some more =.= lols..for the sake of graduation night for band...hais!!! hahas..see i'm so nice..although i don't know why i'm saying that =.=

went home...ehh...played computer, slept ate dinner, and now i'm updating my blog..hmm after this still need to finish up the left overs =.= hais~

sorry, i felt girly this week..it's so weird D:! gosh.

cya ^ ^

~Elixian

Hahas changed blogskin!! hahas

This week's been pretty bad...won't really say much though.

just got pretty pissed off...heh .__.

Let's see, today's test was ok. managed to finish (: hahas 20 mins 1 page essay lols xDDDD

Did quite a number of things (:! i'm pretty happy hahas.

Well just to list a few things i've done.
1) 2 shirts for my friend (:
2) finished quite a number of homeworks~
3) FINALLY understand chemistry and physics =.= (a little too late huh??)
4) changed a blog skin :D
5) Got white markers


well i still have to get my new darling phone to connect and make love to my laptop =.= sadly it doesn't wanna ): it keeps jamming up my computer!!! argh...maybe i need to reinstall again...

Hahas anyways, hoping my week will just get better!!!!

Oh and H1N1, just STAY FAR FARRRRRR away from us can?? =.= sian... already like 700+ cases i think 800 liao lor ):

go away!!!! i don't want HBL!!!!! )$#%I(@)#$%@)#$^@)%(_)@#

~Elixian