Gosh, today sucks. It really does. ah well. results. as said by the title. Enough said.

Yesterday, i knocked cin yee's hand and made her reed go from the 4th to 1st floor. omg i'm so sorry )): SORRY!!!! SORRY SORRY SORRY >_____________<

CIN YEE!!!! I'M SO SORRY DDD:

sigh ):

Things aren't getting any better. but i'll need to pull thru like how i've done for the past 16 years.

you:
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.

i really didn't mean to spam you. i know you won't read it. but at least i know i've said it. i'm so sorry. ): forgive me?

i've been saying sorry so much so i don't even think i can do something right :\ though i'm not really demoralised. I'm simply lost. with no one to guide me at all. Not even a hint.

Today i was talking to a friend. She told me: "since you still love him and are still friends, why don't you try going back?"

I wish i could, i love him. but no matter how i wish for it, i don't think it'll happen. it just doesn't seem like it could happen. not when he doesn't love me back anymore...?

please please please!! save me! i love you i really really do. hell, kill me. i know you don't want me to. sorry ):

I'm sorry I love you. I'm really sorry i do. I'm sorry i caused you pain for doing so. I'm sorry for being sorry. I'm sorry for not being truly sorry. I'm no longer sorry. I'm lost. I feel the pain now. I am sorry i hurt you. I'm sorry for being lost. I'm sorry i'm hurt. I'm sorry for everything.

but.

I thank you for everything so far. i mean it.

I'd cry over and over again, i'd do anything. I really would. I feel so desperate for this. I want it to happen. But it would for me cause i'm not worth it. i'm not worth it. i'm speechless. i feel sad. i feel abandoned. i feel like i'm alone. i feel like an idiot. i feel pathetic. if i could. i would jump off a building, i would stab myself. i would cut myself. i would just kill myself to escape pain in life. i hate myself.

and no one can love me till i learn to love myself. i feel like dying. 16 years of pain. 16 YEARS. i had enough. i know i'm afraid of death. yet i long for it.

i'm such a fool. i'm a complete idiot. a total stupid person. a neto, freak. asshole. F**ker. shitty person.

kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.kill me. kill me. kill me.

JUST KILL ME!!

i dread being alive. i dread me. i dread seeing this horrible face. i dread seeing this body. i dread being me. i dread this lust. i dread this greed. i dread that i didn't regret loving you. i dread the fact i can love. i dread the fact i am the who caused this. i dread that i'm am living to see a tmr. God. If you hear me. Tell me what to do. I'm lost. I'm pathetic. I'm sad. I'm being torn apart by my very self. I don't want to suffer another 16 years. 16 years is enough for me. I'm sorry. even if they love me. I can't come to love myself. I can't come to accept this me. I can't accept change within me. Please, don't let me wake up tmr. Let me die and let me soul be torn apart. I want to be erased forever. I feel like im' a mistake. I don't blame anyone by myself for it. I'm a failure. I can't think straight anymore. I've cried enough. I want to die. I don't want emotions. I don't want anything.

Please please, don't let me wake up tmr. don't let me be a fool. dont let the world see the me i've become. don't let me have this freedom of being alive. i don't deserve it. But, i'll regret dying. I want to dissappear. I want to erase everyone's memory of me. I want to forget who i am. I want to know that Elixian, Helix, Heil, Helian, Syllene, Hui Yee, have never been born. never been made.

I want you back with me, i'm selfish, but i love you ): i can't help it.

~Elixian