well, exams are here as usual..and it sucks as usual =__=

just finished english paper today, ah well, nothing much to blog about, i should be studying but not really in the mood to :P

Anyways~! i'm going to be teaching 4 juniors tmr? xDD hahas iuno who 2 of them are though :\

ah well xDDD

~Elixian

<3 its short, but it means a lot. The guy would do anything to break that glass, while the girl would even chop off her arm to give to the guy so they could draw again (:

they would do anything just to be together? actually i still feel like that, don't ask me why even it's really almost a month gone since that annoying day.

~Elixian

So i've been shut away from you forever?

~Elixian

Hey guys~! I got bored so i'm planning on putting up the works i've done, rather the brushes i've done ^ ^ of course it's with the aid of!

-Photoshop CS2
and various artists that have created the basic brush which i took to match and match :D

Jordon:

White :)

Black

Yok Pin (First design):

White

Black

Yok Pin (2nd design):

White

Black

Alvin (1st Design):


White

Black

Alvin (2nd Design):


White

Dennis:

White


Black

Darylene:

White


Black

Well, credits to all those whose name i've used and also to those lovely brushes i've used and my favorite programme, Photoshop CS2 :D

If you're wondering, these brushes only took like 5 to 15 mins to make each. :)

~Elixian

hahas~! finally i got my second ear hole ;P and fixed my other ear hole as well :o!

xDD and guess what?
angel finally got hers too~! ^ ^ hehe new stuffs tmr :D

~Elixian

Leave me alone,
Leave me like you always did,
Nothing can change and nothing will,
The scene of me falling,
Is the scene you love,
You'll laugh at my every mistake,
I used to trust you,
Now i don't,
You've killed me,
Are you happy now?

I said, "I'm hurt"
You did nothing,
You just laughed,
I'm sick of the way the world treats me,
I had enough of my self,
My greatest enemy has destroyed me,
It has taken over me,
Controlled, i can't break free,
I'm hurt.
So, are you laughing in delight and sheer joy now?

I've been thrown into depression,
Into an endless black hole,
Into a prison i can't escape,
I need help,
I want help,
Yet none of you are willing to,
"You still have us"
I don't trust that statement,
For i've fallen too deep to even see the beginning,
I'm dead,
Are you smiling from ear to ear seeing me fail?

Tell me, my guardian angel,
Tell me,
Tell me about me,
Tell me you have time,
Tell me i have a life,
Tell me i am able to stand again,
Tell me that i can defeat that fiend alone,
Tell me i have strength and i will stand,
Tell me i can be myself again without fear,
Tell me so i can wipe that horrid, terrible smile off those people's faces.
Tell me, so i can smile again.

I want to be me, without fear,
I wish for one person,
my request isn't much,
but to find that person,
to seek that person whom will be willing to listen,
that person who'll bring me back up,
that person who'll make me smile truly,
is a difficult and tedious,
I'm still searching,
I'm still seeking.
I want to find you.

The world is against me,
I'm falling,
I'm getting hurt,
I'm regretting every single action i've made,
I'm still a failure,
I'm still a fool.

I beg for you to come and take me away,
Please, take me away and save me.
Take me to a place where i can have no fears,
Where time won't stand in my way,
and where i can smile without faking it.

I want to lave everyone, and everything behind,
i want them to LEAVE ME ALONE,
i only need 1 person.
just 1.
please....

~Elixian

I'm a fool. Are you happy now?

ok...i think i have a list of names for the new blog...hahas but i can't really decide... so here's the list:

1) Dark Carnival
2) lecauchemar (means the nightmare)
3) Refusal
4) Fearless.Dream
5) hellsrevival
6) rewindtime
7) herdream

ok..can't think...most of them are crap, but i like Dark Carnival a lot xDD hahas

~Elixian

(tag me :D! THANKS~!)

Everyone has ups and downs.

I know i won't give the answers people wanna hear or is looking for, but as far as i know.

I've gone through just as much as you have, though maybe less? but i have my fair share of problems.

I can't solve yours, but if talking to me would make you feel better, you can talk to me?

The most important thing is to smile.

It can bring you far, though, it maybe fake. It still counts.

Don't bottle everything up. If crying helps. Cry. Cry all you like.

But know this:

As long as you're still my friend. I will be willing to help you. Not close or good or great friends. But as a friend i do not want to see you shatter. It's not a pleasant sight. I cannot do much, but i am willing to listen if you are willing to share.

Share with those whom you think you trust. Spiritual or not, do whatever it takes to stand up and stand strong. You are you, and no one can change it BUT you. There's no old or new self. Its just you, and you alone. So stand up! don't EVER give up.

~Elixian

I want my time back.

Give it back.

~Elixian

Dark Carnival - Vanessa Carlton

You never thought it'd hurt so bad
Bring me a remedy
You never thought it'd hurt so bad
Never thought it'd feel so right
Bringing you to your knees
Never thought it'd feel so right

It's the edge of the dawn
When she looks in your eyes
And she wants what is hers
Before the light

And she runs on her own
And you'll hurt before you know
Not a sweet alibi
When you get your bloody dose
In the still of the night
It is there you'll feel it most
In this dark carnival
Where the end is close

(I'll tell you it won't hurt)
Never thought i'd hurt so bad
Funny how the story ends
Remember the beginning
Funny how the story ends
Should never have looked so close
(Should never have looked so close)
I can see all your cracks
Should never have looked so close

It's the edge of the dawn
When she looks in your eyes
And she wants
What is hers
Before the light
And she runs on her own
And you'll hurt before you know
Not a sweet alibi
When you get your bloody dose
In the still of the night
It is there you'll feel it most
In this dark carnival
Where the end is close

[laughter]
...and we'll fight to the death
(Tell me it won't hurt)
...everyone has an hour
...and the weapons
(Tell me it won't hurt)
...so we'll fight to the death
...now it is final
(Tell me it won't hurt)
...for what?
(Tell me it won't hurt)
...who knows?
Tell me it won't...

And she runs on her own
And you'll hurt before you know
Not a sweet alibi
When you get your bloody dose
In the still of the night (of the night)
It is there you'll feel it most
In this dark carnival
Where the end is close

Tell me it won't hurt
(I'll tell you it wont hurt)
Give me a remedy
Give me a remedy
I'll tell you it wont hurt
I'll tell you it wont hurt

~Vanessa Carlton - Dark Carnival

I love this song lols.

~Elixian

I'll tell you it wont hurt

about the previous post... i have decided.

I will get over it.

For anything i've said before.

I'm sorry if i've hurt anyone.

I'm going start again.

This time, i'll make myself a better ending.

I will make it out of my own hands.

Mine, and mine alone, cause i'll be standing where i want to be at the end.

I'll try.

Strength is all i need. I will find my own.

~Elixian

Yes, you've seen me type that many times, (Vie Dans Un Cauchemar) this means, living in a nightmare. And yes, i think i am living in a nightmare.

I've done many things yet again. Today is Thursday. Today was suppose to be a happy day. Tmr is good friday. But it seems like it won't be anymore?

I'm not in a state whereby i can just forget. No matter how much i want to, and wish to.

To you:
I've been telling you many things, and asking you for a lot. Maybe because i didn't sacrifice enough for you to grant me that one and only one wish. I didn't make it. You realised it didn't you? i really didn't and i regretted for not being able to do so. I was close, but too far. It probably is my lack of ability. I am not blaming you for what that has happen rather i'm blaming myself for it. I feel so pathetic right now, i can't do a thing to you, after what you did to me. Me AND that person. I HATE you...i really do sometimes. But when i do, i end up hating myself. Maybe because i didn't respect you enough, maybe because i don't know you. maybe because i didn't believe in you. Maybe because you just didnt know me enough to help me. Or simple because i'm not part of you. I'm not there.

I really regret it. I really wanted it to continue and i really really wanted your help. None was given, everything is lost. Sorry, but right now, i really feel like blaming you, even if i do end up hating myself for it.

To You:
Yeah, really, i knew it all along, weeks ago...actually a few months ago that it won't go well. I knew. I've also told you many things and i things that i really want to do. I wanted to do it cause i chose to. No one forced me to. Now that it's not going to work out, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I'll tell you: "i'm not sad"

but i'm lying, really i am. I'm glad you don't read this blog, i'm glad you really don't take it seriously. I'm glad i had loved you. And i'll never have regret doing so. I really think i want to continue doing so, but since you won't approve, i have no more say. I tried. I gave everything i had. I listened to her today.

"if it's not now, a few months down the road and it'll end harder and with more pain" I really think so. I really feel like an idiot. I really do. I loved you, cause i want to. I loved you cause i wanted to make you smile. And i did it cause i loved your smile. I did what i could. I couldn't make it in the end. How i wished you'll see me sometimes, but you will never. How much i felt like running away from all those bad things, how much i felt like just brain-washing you and make you forget.

Now that everything has happened i can't keep quiet...i don't want to anymore. I have a lot more to say to you and a lot more to ask you. I'm still curious. I still want to know you, i still want to be just that, and only that. To the minimum is fine too, but seems like i can't. I have no faith. I've lost a pillar.

I don't trust them enough, yet i trust you and her and her. Yet i trusted so much, and deep down i told myself, give it some time, if it worsk it works, and if it doesn't and it really brings you to that corner then you'll fall off at any moment, then fine. I'll give it all away, and i'll give up. But i don't think it's there yet.

Many things i've asked of you. None in return? maybe some. I'm not perfect. But at least i try.

I miss you. i still do. cause i've never regret loving you. not until you kill me.

I ask a few more from you:
1) Let's go back to what it was before.
2) Let's forget
3) I want to talk to you, and i want YOU to tell me in the face that phrase. I don't want to see a message like how we started. I want to hear it. FOR ONCE. FROM YOU. BREAK THIS HEART OF MINE SO I CAN MOVE ON.
4)Kill me. with what i've said from point number 3. Just kill me. cause i deserved it.
5) just smile more...you look horrid without it :P

I've said all i have to say, actually not really...i have more. Just not now.

And to you:

Yeah, i listened. Do i sound happy? when i wrote it all out for you, do i sound happy when i speak? or can you sense that saddness in me? you know me the best. We both don't trust them. I've nvr told them. i regretted doing a lot of things. Sometimes i just wanna scream. Sometimes i just wanna run. run away from all this things and sometimes i want to just run and cry. Stand in the rain, screaming to the sky, "why do you do that to me?!" i really want to shout now. I want to be alone. A lot of times.

Tell me. Since you've never loved, if you were in my shoes, would it be as easy to just move on? i have friends? yes, but how many of them do i trust? only that pathetic 3. ONLY! and guess what? it's been reduced to 2. just 2...and 1 of them isn't stable. You are the only one i really really trust with everything i've got. I want to trust you.

I feel like i'm blaming the world. I want to CRUSH this piece of memory and i want to CRUSH this life away. I just want to be me. i just want to forever stay like that.

i have nothing to say. i'm speechless. and i miss that one. I feel like the world is against me.

sorry.

And lastly to myself:

You are such an idiot! You demand EVERYTHING from others and never bother to give a single thing. Yeah, go on torture yourself. Kill yourself, cause you're a waste to the earth. You are a complete failure. the world is against you right? It will forever be.

I hate you. I really do. Of everything i hate, dislike, loath...i loath you most. Because you cause everything!!! You are the worst thing i've met and the more selfish being. You make things sound nice. But deep down you are really just lying and simply you only know to complain. You don't do a thing to change it after you complain. She said before. Do WHAT YOU CAN to CHANGE THE FUTURE, don't look back.

You really really really really suck. i'm sorry you just do. You just really really do.

right now...all i want to say to everyone and to myself is just:

sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.
sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.sorry.

Sorry, for no longer being able to be me.

I have really regretted. I wish i can just make the world forget.

I know i'll move on. but right now...i really really wish. that it never happened.

And i guess...the only way to end it:

is to say thanks for everything you've given me, thanks for being there. thanks for torlerating me and thanks, for even being there.

I have contridicted myself in this post. And i still continue to do so. because i'm lost. i'm confused.

~Elixian

Don't bother to ask me to cheer up. I wont. i feel like a liar, an idiot, a freaking moron, stupid, asshole and anything you can think of...

I now just want to get back up alone. I don't feel like trusting anyone anymore.

Leave me alone.

Yup, i'm finally posting again..hahas xD

Student Council's 3rd Investiture is finally over...and i'm glad. I have so many things i wanna say. So many things that's on my mind. I'm going just list a few things, if not i think i can kill many people's eyes when they read this xDD

I've realised a few things...
1) There are many people who actually do read the blog, just..don't tag?
2) There is this particular friend, who i'm not really close to, but close enough, she is the most logical and well, able-to-comfort-people kind of friend. She rocks, really~!
3) It was me who made that mistake, it started then and there cause i got curious, i can't change the past, but i can change what is going to happen, so i am going to change it, i hope you'll support me.

I've done a few things too...
1) Finished 2.4km run in 15 mins and 11 secs! xDD my best record ever? lols
2) Skipped 5 items till now =x (i'm still sick lols)
3) Cried a lot, realised a lot, learnt alot.
4) Finished most of the work i missed out when im' sick or in band :P
5) Finished the student council's 3rd invest smoothly
6) Killed my legs by running bare footed from 11:15am to like...6pm...?lols it's cause i forgot to bring court shoes :P
7) Killed my legs even more by running 2.4km before that lols xDD i has a horrid muscleache...
8) Killed my brains for thinking about all my mistakes.
9) Learnt from that friend about what to do, instead of being totally lost.

I could list a few more, but i said that i'm not gonna xD hehe

Well, let's go to the details xD

Monday, the investiture (:

went to school, and for sl reporting, i was shocked to know i had to bring courtshoes and i some how didn't bring it, i made adeline cry, i felt so bad...): After that it just didn't get any better.

I ran 2.4km and finished with 15mins and 11sec a C xD lols best record ever! hahas xDD so happy about it lols... then, recess, i went to meet adeline and pick up the clothes (SL tee) gosh, we felt so scammed! It was suppose to be dark purple..it ended up as light purple? and the printing that was suppose to be at the bottom turned out to be at the top and the lines were too faint...sigh..a disater!

Then, i left class early and did the deco for the hall, at first, i felt really rushed, then i felt really unhappy, then anger. But it was my fault, i know, cause i was the one who rejected help cause of my anger, in the end, i requested to take myself out of the walk-in. Also, i finished the hall deco solo~ lols it was fun until i realised i had made several people unhappy, or somewhat, not satisfied cause i took myself out of the walkin... I'm sorry to those who really wanted me in, but i really didn't want to do it.

Then after that we the usual invest, we performed and i think i did quite ok, i enjoyed myself and that was the main point.

hmm...after that, i kinda just celebrated with the rest after everything, went for dinner (:! hehe, we took so long to eat! well..mainly we just talk a lot xDD

During dinner, i was a kinda disappointed at the person i'm chatting with via sms~ thing is, i actually feel really sorry for that person. I think i'm like holding that person down, but right now, i have only 2 people or maybe 3 people that i'm depending on...i'm leanning against them, hoping i'll find my own support soon. I lack that confidence in me, however those 3 people kinda just give me that confidence...that's why...i'm sorry to hold that person down.

As for what i really wanted to say to that person, it's just simple: "I want to know whats wrong, and then i want to fix it, you're one of my precious friend, and i can't afford to lose you now. I know i'm going against what i've said, but if i don't go against what i've said before, i'll be going against myself, my true and what i really really want kind of self. I realised a lot from talking to my other precious friend. And so, i just need your trust, your support and that's it. What i really want, is just to go back to being what it was like when it just started. Not what it is now. Too precious a friend to lose. 2 important friends. 1 precious friend. i can't afford to lost any of them. Cause, i treasure friendship. You know that, so, i really hope you'll open up to me..."

lols ok, that sounded complicated...hmmm~

oh and to PAMELA:

THANK YOU!!! I COME TO KNOW A LOT MORE ABOUT WHAT TO DO WHEN I TALK TO YOU!! SOMEHOW, YOU JUST MAKE ME FEEL BETTER EVERYTIME I TALK TO YOU AND I REALLY APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME, THOUGH IT MAY NOT BE MUCH TO YOU, BUT IT MEANS A LOT TO ME~ SO THANK YOU FOR IT (:

yup...i've been dying to tell this to you for like so long~! everytime i like stuck, or end up crying and you see me, you'll always be able to make me feel better, not by making me laugh, but by making me smile. So, i think i means that i've felt happier? when i laugh, its just cause i find something funny, and not beause i feel better. I like talking to you. hahas xD i guess i've found yet another really true friend.

A lot has been on my mind and a lot of things i've achieved. Now, all thats left is that one last problem. I want it fixed. Over and i'll be moving on as happy as ever of course with nothing much changed that is...erm..when i say change i mean change for the worst...yeah o.o of course i want things to get better~!

life is hard, the road ahead is long and full of surprises, however, whatever i have now, i will treasure and hope, rather I WILL make it last forever. Of course not physically, though it'd be better :P but mentally, in my mind i will remember it. (: hehe~

I some how realise that person i've been talking to all this time won't even read this, so...ah well...maybe that person DOES read lols xDDD just...i feel better saying it out :D

hahas~

"it is not about "if i had done this or if i had done that" because you can't change the past, but rather it's about "what can i do and what will i do, what do i want now." that makes it get better."

~Elixian

(this is a statement i will always remember from now on. Cause it's really true i can't change the past, but what is to come, i can always change it before it arrives...)

I have no idea what happened recently. I seem to keep losing my memory...all i can say is, i only remember how i've suffered, and not how i've enjoyed and laughed.

Life, seemed to just pass by..
second by second,
minute by minute,
hours by hours
day by day...

it won't end.

Monday,
All i remember was, i was practicing for band...

Tuesday:
I only remembered that silver and the happiness i felt.

Wednesday:
I remember how terrible i felt in school.
I had cramp,
I became ill,
I had a flu,
I had a slight cough,
I had throat infection,
I had a horrible headache,
I was tired,
I was desperate,
I was restless...
I wanted to just rest, just go home, and rest.
But that didn't happen, i remembered i stayed back.
I endured.
My body give way, i went to the doctor.
I rushed to tuition.
I became so sad.
I cried.
I went home.
I was tired, i was asked many questions.
I just fanned it off...
I'm tired.
I still am.
I want to rest.

Thursday:
I missed a lot.
I missed school.
I missed the morning 7-habits meeting...
I missed the recess rehearsal...
I missed Chemistry, which was suppose to be SPA, but it was canceled i guess...
I missed a whole chapter in math,
I missed VE which was photo taking session till it was delayed.
I missed everyone.
I remember i still feel terrible, i didn't want to wake up.
My headache was reaching it's limits, i felt like blowing up.
I went to the doctor.
Missed out school,
studied at home.
Rested i guess...

Friday:
I'm still tired.
I'm still ill,
I'm still want to rest,
I still feel guilty...
I feel terrible.
This is seriously not my day...

Firstly, what rights do u have to comment on my art? you know nothing as to how to do it. I did 80 to 90% of the whole wheel! i'm not going to complain about me soloing cause i love to solo these kind of art works. But seriously, don't comment when u can't do a better job than me. I enjoyed the company of the other 2 who is able to produce art of a good standard, even better than mine. I have no idea as to why i can't stand these few of you... sighs...

Next thing is, i've already feel terrible enough as to skip tuition cause of this. And letting my mom lecture me for it. Yes, its my fault. When i finally finished my parts, and i passed the keys to you with her, you asked a question i answered.

HELLO?! LISTEN HERE, I DID MOST OF THE WORK DOWN THERE WHILE YOU WERE JUST WALKING HERE AND THERE! WHAT THE HELL DO U MEAN YOU'LL TREAT HER AND ONLY HER?! I DID SO MUCH?! I GOT LECTURED CAUSE I SKIPPED TUITION FOR YOU! YOU AND YOUR BLOODY EVENTS! U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I'VE SACARIFICED FOR SCHOOL, FOR ANYTHING AT ALL!

you have no right to even joke with me. Cause u don't appreciate what i have done for the whole group of people. i feel so neglected? heh, what do u mean the birthday girl gets a treat? what about the one who has done 90% of the work, done so much preparation work? how about the guy who spray painted the whole background? the one who made the shapes, the one who gave the ideas? hello?

LISTEN. IN THE WHOLE THING. THERE'S ONLY 3 PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN WORKING? IF YOU WANT NAMES. I'LL GIVE U NAMES. GO THE SL ROOM. LOOK AT THE BANNER. WHAT IS WRITTEN THERE. THOSE 3 NAMES. THOSE 3 ARE THE ONLY 3 WHO HAVE BEEN WORKING TO MAKE THOSE RIDICIOUSLY TIME CONSUMING THINGS.

i have nothing more to say to such a thing. i am really angry.

and no, to you, you are not useless, you offered your help, that's useful enough to me. you bought my drink, i'm greatful (:

honestly, i really appreciate those who offered to help at the right moments. not when i'm like 90% done and u come as ask if i needed help. That's called b***s*** k? (: i'm being nice. try to understand that its useless to help out when all that's left to do is put colours on and there's like only 2 brushes...

though i highly doubt there will be people reading this pathetic blog. But still, i shall post for those who bother and care.

oh yes, i just got a call from you. all i can tell you is, smile. Don't be too bothered about it. You can tell me everything tmr, i'm willing to listen ok? don't feel sad, you still have me. I'm willing to comfort you, and let you cry on my shoulder. I won't let you down cause you've nvr let me down when i really needed you. So, please, rest well and sleep. i'll do what i can for you tmr :)

Don't stop smiling, cause your name means happiness in my dictionary.

~Elixian

Well, as you can see, welcome to the new blog~

i know the name is lame, but i just can't stand my old blog's name any more...

i'll probably change again when i find the time and the creativity to do so (: hehe

xDDD

This is just a short "Welcoming" post k?

i'll update soon~!

~Elixian

i know i'm a little late on posting...the event happened on 31st March.

On 31st March:

Dear band members, went out from class at 9:45am to have our recess. It was a nervous day for us all. By 10:15am we were all in the band room warming up going through our pieces all over again to prepare for the afternoon.

We had much free time, took our time to change, ran around to the hall to watch the weekly assembly (:

We had practiced many days, sweat and had aches all over for that mere 10 mins on stage. Today was our SYF judging, we were all excited i'm sure. Cards and presents, with words of encouragement written on them were given out, we were going to make it, i remember me thinking.

"Today, that 10 mins, we are going to beat it flat, we are going to make that silver"

I remember myself thinking to me. I had confidence, i have no idea why, i just knew we were going to make it.

Soon we were on the bus, going to the place where the judging was going to take place. We were moving to the Singapore Conference Hall. (: we were early, i assure you how excitment grip us all, anxious and nervous. that 45 minutes of wait was a killer.

Soon we tuned and entered the stage. Many people were there as audience, our principal came too. We were clam, confident. Went in, played and gave everything we had.

"Balance!" , "listen!", "more air" all those thoughts from before ran thru our minds, we gave our best, though some of us made mistakes, myself included. we still continued.

When that "scary" 10 mins was gone, we were off the stage. Outside, some of us cried cause we made mistakes, some felt guiltly and some were simply normal? well, i was guilty, i played wrong notes ): i was so afraid of us getting a bronze yet again.

soon we went in, to listen the last and final band. After that was the results. We were nervous...really really nervous...

the person anounced:
"band 29, bronze..."
"band 30, bronze..."
"band 31, bronze..."
"band 32, bronze..."
"band 33, bronze..."
"band 34, silver..."
I got excited... and really really scared... we are number 36...

"band 35, gold with honours"
With that we had band 35 jumpping up and down, excited and glad to get that GOH...

the person said again "Ok...chill, later go out then scream and shout all you like, i still got a few more schools!" <-- he was a funny guy!

silence returned and...

"band 36, Deyi Secondary School,....silver"

at this point, we jumpped, screamed, cried laughed..we were so happy!

us seniors, the pioneer were even more elated, i'm sure, we've brought the band from a bronze to a silver, within this short 2 years, we made it! a silver.

Pioneers, a silver. i can't explain the joy we felt, it was an amazing moment for us.

"we really made it"

I'm glad i didn't return disappointed. I'm glad we returned with something more than before, something we'll always remember.

Hahas well, i finally went to doctor after so long xDD i'm sick, and well, i'm still happy over that silver medal. ((:

JUNIORS!!! go for the gold in the next syf k!? xDD we'll make it some how~ (:

as a pioneer of the symphonic band, i can say i'm glad to even be there!

~Elixian