wellllllllllllllll!

the long await CHINESE NEW YEAR has finally arrived! haha

this post is simply to wish everyone a very happy~

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~!

oh and to puma :]

this will definately be not enough for what i've done to expect you guys to even forgive me. This is yet another great mistake that i could have prevent yet i let it happen, sorry for that. i don't expect to be forgiven anyways, if u wish, i can take myself out of the competition, cause it just don't seem to fit if i'm inside...

but this is what i have to say, what i wanted: it's a biased point of view since it's one sided...'

I'm not perfect, and i know it. I have a harsh tone though i don't mean it, i respect every single one of you, however if you think i don't, then so be it, i don't towards you. I never accused any one of you for not being respectful to me at all, i believe that respect is earned not given. If u don't call me mam, i don't care about that, it's just a phrase.

But this seriosuly hurts! its my last SYF, i want to do it well, i want you people to get a silver for yourselves, and at least be better than me. I'm trying my best to do well, this year, is more difficult than the 2007 year. I was told to teach you, and i want to. At least what i know and what i'm sure of so you'll be better than me.

I'm a person who is sensitive, but no one will really know this...i hate crying, i really hate it, it makes me seem weak and powerless to change. i'll tell you, yes, it is my fault that i walked out on you guys, i was wrong.

Its not like i was right to begin with... i was never right, even in my real life outside band, outside school... i'm so sad today, no one will know, i'm so freaking stress out, no one knows that either, not only does school crawl itself up my head making it hurt so DAMN much, but my CCA and my personal life too.

Life is unfair, but it seems it's gone way off the point i can take, i've already gone way past my limits already...way off... so much so i really don't want to just keep it to myself...

i'm sorry, i truely am for doing what i've done, i don't expect you people to forgive me at all, not one bit...i don't even think i can look at you people at all, i'm so disapointed in myself.

When i scream or shout my head off, i'm simply scolding myself, i never blame anyone...even if i said so, in the end i'll feel it's me who is wrong...

~Elixian

i don't know what to do anymore...i seriously don't...

well, haven't blogged in a while, so here i am~~~

well, let's start at the start of this week..

Monday:
Went to school as usual, and had to reach at 7am...*sighs*
then usual lessons...after that stayed back for bandddddddddddddddddddddddd...haha did punishment i think... o.o

nothing much happened though...after band celebrated Tze Yeng's birthday :D
slept 4 hrs today! :DDDD

Tuesday:
Tammy's birthdayyyyyy!

i skipped tuition just to celebrate it? xD hahas oh well, i have a make up lesson though ((: heh heh~! waited a darn longgggg time due to some miscommunication o.o oh well xD

slept about 3hrs? ):

Wednesday:
haha band again, nothing much happened too, after band went to tuition ((: hohoho! tuition is FUN! no i'm not being sarcastic, i really like my math tuition! xDD haha

Thursday:
haha i forgot it was someone's birthday today o.o yes i have a poor memory, i am currently very slep deprived thus resulting in the random "STM" moments >>;

oh yeah, i went to a poly for open house, carried a FREAKING heavy bag and walked around the the school a whole 3 hrs?! god, my arms are aching!!! )): my legs too, i didn't get to sit T__T (well all of us didn't get to ) sighs

i think i slept for about 4 hrs :D hahas my average sleeping time >>;;

After that... i think i kinda killed my fingers, i scratched it till the skin came off hahas xD it didn't bleed but it did have a little? xDD haha it'll recover in a day (:!

slept for...3hrs? well, i passed out at 2am hahas xD studied bio ): 3 tests tmr!

Friday:
Well, iuno who's birthday it is, i think it was angeline's? (hope i'm not wrong, i rmb it's on a band day @___@) went to school, had several changes in the time table, and well, i happen to have 3 tests in a row?

first was english summary that wasn't too bad for me, except i was a lil too tired...i slept when i finished the summary and checked thru a few times...followed by the chem test, which i'm so positive i've failed it...it was a open book that makes it even wrost ): iuno what's wrong which me ><""!

After that, i have a biology test which i stayed up all night to study for and well, i literally hugged my biology note book to sleep >>; (yes i study on my table and move to my bed room which i passed out at 2am...i had to turn off the lights by 1am if not my mom would know so.. i kinda moved to my bed room at 1:15am or so xDD hahas) the test wasn't as hard as i expected it to be it was all MCQ, i'm pretty sure i can pass it (: maybe i can even get a good grade on it xD hahas

well, went for band... and all the others went home at about 4? while we dear NCOs, stayed behind with the excos to do up the booth... we litterally sat inthe band room doing up all sorts of things up to 6:30pm.. and we're still not finished? sighs, so obviously we brought home the items to complete it~!

hahas

slept: FINALLY a full 6 hrs of SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!! YESH!

Saturday:
woke up went to school at 7:30 am to help out the booth and warm up with the band after which, we ran through the song a few times, touched up and started preparing for the performance... hahas i sat enjoyed that period ((: was DAMN nice... hahaha (*nudges jasmine and kasturi*)

then after performance...went to the booth yet again and waited for my dad to come with my sis... got home, bought lunch, ate and well, iuno my mom tried to put the ear stud thru my ear hole again, it HURTS D:

sighs... i tihnk the back of my right ear hole is like gone! ): < ouch still ;___;

After that... well, i think i went to read my manga, finished it and i fell aslp (yesi'm still sleep deprived...

Current condition: sleep deprived, headache, muscleache (to the extend i can't bend my hand backwards it hurts ): ), i coming down with a flu and cough xD sore troat rather.. ): sighs..

~Elixian

hais, i haven't been sleeping properly? merely slept for 2 hours at most 3 hours...i'll be in my bed and tossing and turning and can't sleep...must be the headaches i'm suffering from due to lack of sleep as well as the piled up stress i've been having recently ):

Why stresss when it's only the start of the year? well, iuno, i just wanna study suddenly and i've been doing that a lot lately (: Mugging non-stop it's starting to be a habit...

but what's the problem? hahas, you'll find me a funny person. i'm the kind who loves to finish the homework, in other words, as long as i can't solve a problem i'll keep trying till i get it, i can afford not to sleep just to get it right. (: it just makes me happy that i solved a "tough" question. haha...

my week days hasn't been so bad...just that lately i've been a lil "dead" or so dennis calls it and agreed without questions by wani.. am i really that dead?? D: i feel i'm NORMAL~!

hahas (i'm a great liar), yes, like i said, my brain is hurting and i'm starting to feel tired...i ought to rest but i can't? hahas no, i have keep on studying and studying till the olvls are OVER! then i'l play (: as much as i wantttt hahahas

~Eixian

school's started and i have A LOT to do, sigh

oh well, i have started studying :D (no, i don't mug much >> just 8 hours of maths a day ^^)
well, let's see... i've finally got my plans out...

Monday: Band
Tuesday: Tuition
Wednesday: Band
Thursday: Mugging time~
Friday: Mugging o.o and breakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Saturday: Tuition (and maybe band...)
Sunday: Tuition~

hahas there goes my week, for the year until olvls are over whereby i can play till i drop dead~!

yes my intention is to study till i die, then i'll play till i drop dead, either way, it'd be fun xDDD

hahahahahas but i gotta buck up and get seriosu till olvls are over.. hais.. i'm so old!
;____;

where's my youth?!

~Elixian

btw Elixian has a meaning ;]
i got bored and decided to make a meaning for it...hahahas...