hahas ok, i know i haven't updated on the recent SL camp. I was too dead to do it =.=

Well~ here it is~ :D

Oh, there's the events all the way back from Nov 13 2009, the last day of O levels for us pure chemistry students. hahahaha

13 Nov 2009.

So here was the day when at 9am, everyone was screaming the heck outta themselves since o levels is FINALLY over :D

We headed to SL meeting for the camp and then to nixon's house to change and wait for the others before going to seoul garden to eat (:


Laiman's gonna devour it D:! ho noes!


Ice cream :D


Random shots? o.o


Jordon's getting bored of waiting .-.


The Ice cream Tammy and I shared :D isn't it TEMPTING!?


Tammy and I :D Its a lil blur D:!


Was on our way to Sentosa lols~ It's Chris and Ben in the bg eating :P

Nov 14 2009
Today was a busy day. =.= in the morning had to meet up with laiman and Darylene to go shopping. Yes we went a lil crazy thanks to the shopping trip T__T our feets!!!
later in the night i had ushering duty. It's to help out one of my mom's friend. (:


Made it out of boredom...


Bought a mask o.o i look horrid in it. And it's hard to breathe!


Look! it's Benjamin and Wen zhen :D hahas :x


I'm outside waiting to go home after the ushering duty .-.


You can see the row of musicians in the front..


Bought ouran high book 14 on the way back from ushering! :D


While my sister read the book i played with the soft toys :3

15 Nov and 16 Nov
Ahhhhs.... the back breaking days T__T the day i started making Laiman's dress =.=
Started at 2:30pm on 15 and finished at 11+ pm on 16 nov >__>


Sewing machine :D


I had to draw, cut, sew, draw, cut, draw, cut and trace, and cut again, and pin it.

In the end i pricked my finger a good number of times making the dress =.=

17 November 2009
It's the first day of Sl camp for us seniors hahas. Went to school in the morning for COE first though (:


S.Band Grads (: hahas


COE performers :D <3>__>. Firstly, 8 of us went to catch a movie :D hahas it was great~ (: ate some dinner and talked the night away ^ ^


This was after the movie when everyone was bored? it's about 2am i think.


Hahas someone fell asleep :P


This is around 3am, went out to walk on my own. (: too bad my phone isn't good enough to see the stars. It was pretty ^ ^

Nopes i honestly didn't sleep that whole night =.= So in the morning i'm like a zombie. And I did sleep in the SL room for a while. Probably an hour? :\ i'm a grumpy lady when i wanna sleep and you don't let me :x


Hahas SL room. It's our bags. iuno why i took it o.o


That' laiman in the dress. Sadly i didn't get a good photo of it ): sheesh. My hardwork!! hahahaha

Well, over all the camp was good (: and i'm pretty happy with it. I'm almost half dead =.= well, actually i am. And i was sick probably everytime i'm cold >__> so the camp was bad in terms of. "i didn't sleep for 2 days STRAIGHT"

hais... oh well~ (:

Oh..i found out something i think i shouldn't... but then again, if i didn't know, i'd still be lost. So i'm happy to know it. but then again, now i'm at a complete lost of what to do.

"I can survive without you, but i just don't want to."

That's how i feel. But then again...i don't wanna make them feel hurt D: i'm such an idiot. why am i cropping out trouble for others AND myself??

sigh...

How i wish that i wasn't a puppet. But, if i wasn't, i wouldn't have felt that way. but really, honestly.

"I'll be your puppet, you can pull my strings and make me do as you wish. I'll be your puppet as long as you want it. I can be abandoned. But one day, you'll still pick me up and pull my strings. Even if the day that you abandon me comes. I'll still be the puppet and wait for you to pull my strings. Even if it takes a life time. I'll wait."

I wish i was YOUR puppet. ):

~Elixian

Puppet

I'm coming home to you
I'm coming home to where are you
I'm gonna stand firm,
I will not falter,
I'm gonna go on so i'll reach.

you can pull my strings and make me dance
you can pull my strings and make me sing
you can pull my strings and make me live for you
because i assure you that i'll not falter,
even in the hardest time
I will stand firm,
i shall not falter,
I will stand firm
then chase for my dreams.

And one day, just suddenly
you stop pulling on those strings.
But even when that moment comes,
i shall not falter,
for i will stand strong.
I will grow my wings,
and try to fly to you.
I will grow a heart,
and then i'll give it to you.

So until then,
i'll always be,
just there with you,
pulling my strings,
I will not falter,
i will be strong.
i will be strong.

So here i am,
dreaming fo you.
Hoping that one day,
you'll come.
And take me away,
then pull my strings.
And make me dance
and make me sing.

hahas lookie at the randomness~ ^ ^
I just realised. I have a reason to give up. But also a reason to hold on.
This song has a melody! but i think i'll improve it farther when i get to ^ ^hopefully i remember the tune. It's quite a happy tune :D

~Elixian

Can't believe o levels are gonna end soon. To think it was just a few weeks ago i was going "oh shit o levels"

lols

i don't have much to say but, i'm gonna play a lot once o levels a lot.

And hopefully by then my ankle's all better (:

It's been sprained and hurt and what not for the 7th day now ):

ah well~

update soon i guess lol

~Elixian

Just something really random:

First we were on the grounds,
looking at the skies wondering if we could ever touch it.
Then we were on that flight to sky.
The scenery was beautiful and breath-taking.
When we took the first leap hand in hand,
I felt fear.
You said nothing but the warm smile on your face said,
"don't be afraid, i'm here with you"
I believed and i went with you.
But there's never a scene where you spoke to me.
There's never a sight of you holding me.
Disasters strike,
Destruction came.
For you i gave my wings,
and chose to fall into the sea below.
Yet you never once tried to reach out those hands
Those hands that once held mine
Never did you try to save me from falling.

Tell me, where has that warm smile and comforting hands go?
Where was the you that i once knew?
Why am i falling yet not afraid?
Maybe it's because i was crying.
Those tears that fell with me.
Fell with me into the sea.
I kept thinking,
"why aren't i afraid of it?"

Suddenly, i lost sight of you.
You must have been flying up.
Going even farther.
Never coming back.
Water surrounded me,
I knew i was crying
that tears were falling
but no one cared
and no one knew.
Because the sea was a disguise
My mask that hid the truth

Memories unfolded,
I saw life passing me,
showing me my feelings.
I looked at the scene where took the first leap.
Then i understood.
That i was the one without the wings,
I was holding you back,
Not letting you who worked for those wings fly free.

The mask on me shattered.
The dreams i once had faded.
The sounds of the wind were gone.
The tears i had disappeared.
Deep down,
in my heart; i said:
"Please, please let him fly.
Teach me to let go like him,
teach me to soar like him.
With wings of my own i shall chase.
After the dream i always held dear."

Will you let me soar?

~Elixian
(gonna put in a melody for this :\, hmm should i? xD)

Can't believe o level's is finally going to end soon @___@ after today its just left with 3 MCQ :D which means i don't really have to study till the day before hohohoho~ since all i need to do it do MCQ in the tys for the whole day before the exam lols.

Ok..I think my blog is going to be more alive now :D

hahas~

You know, there's a feeling of "that day will never come" right now... I honestly feel terrible..Although my ankle is getting better, but it cause my whole night worth's of sleep =.= it hurt so much throughout the night! Hmm, if it's ok today, i won't have to see a doctor :D can save money LOL

Hais... ):

Oh~ i'll be drawing more soon~ ^ ^! most of them (if i have the patience) will be completed and up on my deviantart account :D but, then again, if deviantart is slow~ i'll upload them on my blog LOL.

http://white-karnival.deviantart.com/

~Elixian
dearest you: i know i've been a completely annoying person to you. I know you won't wanna talk to me till you felt better. But, did you know that you've never ONCE contacted me on your own? so do you expect me to wait for years before one day you suddenly remember "hey i forgot to contact hui yee" but then again, you won't even remember me in a few years. so what's the point right? ^ ^
Sorry for being such a irritating "friend". I'm not feel well either. Anyways, get well soon. I hate seeing any of my friends getting hurt.

I feel selfish.

I think am.

People know i think very negatively. People know i'm not the best and there's always someone better out there. Yes, i know. I know that.

People tell me, things come and go. And tell me to let everything go.

But, you don't tell me how to do it. I know i have to. but i don't know how to. Teach me will you?

"i'm sad" it's a phrase you'll always hear me say and type.
"i hate you!" is another phrase i'll never fail to type.

but really, why do i say that? is it just because i need attention? yes, i want it, but i don't need it really. I know i can be suicidal. Actually i am.

You'll never see scars.
You'll never see blood.

But you'll just see me as usual, laughing smiling and tell you, "hey, i'm sad you know" then i'll whine.

Who am i? i really want to know.

Why do humans cry? it's useless.

"don't cry" is something i always hear.

I'm contradicting my points.

You know, what i always want?

What i really wanted was to find someone who would understand me.

As soon as i noticed, that person was gone.

Refusal. Fine i can accept. But, promises?

I think its just that "Promises are made to be broken"

isn't it?

You know something?

i would be happy to live alone on this planet now. Nothing mattered.

If i don't see anyone. I won't feel attached. If i don't feel attached i won't have to let go. If i don't have to let go, i'll be happy.

I am selfish. I want the world to disappear now.

Dramatic as it can be. As selfish as i can be. As hateful as i can be.

I just need it to stop.

Stop.

Disappear.

Vanish.

Go away.

Fade.

Forget.

Just leave me alone.

i want the world to leave me alone.

i want to be selfish.

Let me be.

Although, i'll crave for more later. Or regret what i wished for.

I'll be better off alone.

Because no one can understand what is sadness. No one can see the sadness i feel. I know everyone else has their own sadness. But they are mature to deal with it. I'm not. I admit. So, let me be childish, be selfish.

"I'll buy it for you"
i won't forget. but.

"Promise you'll be my friend" is something everyone will forget.

"promise that you'll still be my friend" is something that will never exist.

"promise me" is something that isn't even meant to exist.

Because that 1 person i trust. is that 1 person who doesn't remember promises. Doesn't treasure friendship.

i'll remember and keep the promises i told you. But i don't and won't expect the same of you.

Because you're someone i treasure. So i will leave. If that is what takes to make you smile. Then i'll do it. But i'll hide and make sure you'll smile.

I think, i'll no longer need it.

Thank you.

But in the end, my selfishness is what caused this, so, i think after i finish that promise. I'll say Good Bye.

It's just another few days. Then, it'll be all over.

Because you'll never talk to me again. I'll never get to see you again.

~Elixian

I finally screwed up my life big time.

I finally broke down the day before exams.

I finally realised that if i don't do well, my smooth journey will come to an end.

I know i've cried many a times, i know i've made people confused, irritated, frustrated just trying to tell me "the hell is wrong with you?"

I know. But i can't do it.

Its not that i don't understand, i do.

but i just can't do it. .-. silly.

im' desperate. probably.

nvm, anything.

i think, i should change.

what reason? everything.

I never had a reason.

so perhaps, the reason i needed was failure could cause everything even though i'll still live to move on and get better.

so...

here starts my new journey.

~Elixian

we were falling from the sky,
fear i had,
tears fell together with my body towards the sea.
mid way i thought,
"how i wish i'd reach the end now,
so my tears would drown,
drown together with my body in the sea,
and never will it be found."
Never will there be a me.
But there'll always be a you.

WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?!?!?!?! WHY?

DO YOU HATE ME GOD?
SO YOU DESPISE ME SO MUCH YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME BE HAPPY?!
YES IT WAS MY MISTAKE. HAPPY NOW?

I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

I REALLY HAD ENOUGH.

ALL I WANTED WAS JOY!

AREN'T YOU BLOODY IDIOT SUPPOSE TO BRING JOY TO PEOPLE!? SO WHY THIS?!

I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

because you made me hate myself so much it hurts. i just wanted some time ): just a little... ):

stop making me cry. im' sad enough. i don't need more tears to fall.

it hurts like hell.

just give me a chance please?

just once more.

~Elixian