I feel selfish.

I think am.

People know i think very negatively. People know i'm not the best and there's always someone better out there. Yes, i know. I know that.

People tell me, things come and go. And tell me to let everything go.

But, you don't tell me how to do it. I know i have to. but i don't know how to. Teach me will you?

"i'm sad" it's a phrase you'll always hear me say and type.
"i hate you!" is another phrase i'll never fail to type.

but really, why do i say that? is it just because i need attention? yes, i want it, but i don't need it really. I know i can be suicidal. Actually i am.

You'll never see scars.
You'll never see blood.

But you'll just see me as usual, laughing smiling and tell you, "hey, i'm sad you know" then i'll whine.

Who am i? i really want to know.

Why do humans cry? it's useless.

"don't cry" is something i always hear.

I'm contradicting my points.

You know, what i always want?

What i really wanted was to find someone who would understand me.

As soon as i noticed, that person was gone.

Refusal. Fine i can accept. But, promises?

I think its just that "Promises are made to be broken"

isn't it?

You know something?

i would be happy to live alone on this planet now. Nothing mattered.

If i don't see anyone. I won't feel attached. If i don't feel attached i won't have to let go. If i don't have to let go, i'll be happy.

I am selfish. I want the world to disappear now.

Dramatic as it can be. As selfish as i can be. As hateful as i can be.

I just need it to stop.

Stop.

Disappear.

Vanish.

Go away.

Fade.

Forget.

Just leave me alone.

i want the world to leave me alone.

i want to be selfish.

Let me be.

Although, i'll crave for more later. Or regret what i wished for.

I'll be better off alone.

Because no one can understand what is sadness. No one can see the sadness i feel. I know everyone else has their own sadness. But they are mature to deal with it. I'm not. I admit. So, let me be childish, be selfish.

"I'll buy it for you"
i won't forget. but.

"Promise you'll be my friend" is something everyone will forget.

"promise that you'll still be my friend" is something that will never exist.

"promise me" is something that isn't even meant to exist.

Because that 1 person i trust. is that 1 person who doesn't remember promises. Doesn't treasure friendship.

i'll remember and keep the promises i told you. But i don't and won't expect the same of you.

Because you're someone i treasure. So i will leave. If that is what takes to make you smile. Then i'll do it. But i'll hide and make sure you'll smile.

I think, i'll no longer need it.

Thank you.

But in the end, my selfishness is what caused this, so, i think after i finish that promise. I'll say Good Bye.

It's just another few days. Then, it'll be all over.

Because you'll never talk to me again. I'll never get to see you again.

~Elixian