[ What i want to do ]
Tuesday, April 07, 2009 @ 5:14 PM
Yup, i'm finally posting again..hahas xD
Student Council's 3rd Investiture is finally over...and i'm glad. I have so many things i wanna say. So many things that's on my mind. I'm going just list a few things, if not i think i can kill many people's eyes when they read this xDD
I've realised a few things...
1) There are many people who actually do read the blog, just..don't tag?
2) There is this particular friend, who i'm not really close to, but close enough, she is the most logical and well, able-to-comfort-people kind of friend. She rocks, really~!
3) It was me who made that mistake, it started then and there cause i got curious, i can't change the past, but i can change what is going to happen, so i am going to change it, i hope you'll support me.
I've done a few things too...
1) Finished 2.4km run in 15 mins and 11 secs! xDD my best record ever? lols
2) Skipped 5 items till now =x (i'm still sick lols)
3) Cried a lot, realised a lot, learnt alot.
4) Finished most of the work i missed out when im' sick or in band :P
5) Finished the student council's 3rd invest smoothly
6) Killed my legs by running bare footed from 11:15am to like...6pm...?lols it's cause i forgot to bring court shoes :P
7) Killed my legs even more by running 2.4km before that lols xDD i has a horrid muscleache...
8) Killed my brains for thinking about all my mistakes.
9) Learnt from that friend about what to do, instead of being totally lost.
I could list a few more, but i said that i'm not gonna xD hehe
Well, let's go to the details xD
Monday, the investiture (:
went to school, and for sl reporting, i was shocked to know i had to bring courtshoes and i some how didn't bring it, i made adeline cry, i felt so bad...): After that it just didn't get any better.
I ran 2.4km and finished with 15mins and 11sec a C xD lols best record ever! hahas xDD so happy about it lols... then, recess, i went to meet adeline and pick up the clothes (SL tee) gosh, we felt so scammed! It was suppose to be dark purple..it ended up as light purple? and the printing that was suppose to be at the bottom turned out to be at the top and the lines were too faint...sigh..a disater!
Then, i left class early and did the deco for the hall, at first, i felt really rushed, then i felt really unhappy, then anger. But it was my fault, i know, cause i was the one who rejected help cause of my anger, in the end, i requested to take myself out of the walk-in. Also, i finished the hall deco solo~ lols it was fun until i realised i had made several people unhappy, or somewhat, not satisfied cause i took myself out of the walkin... I'm sorry to those who really wanted me in, but i really didn't want to do it.
Then after that we the usual invest, we performed and i think i did quite ok, i enjoyed myself and that was the main point.
hmm...after that, i kinda just celebrated with the rest after everything, went for dinner (:! hehe, we took so long to eat! well..mainly we just talk a lot xDD
During dinner, i was a kinda disappointed at the person i'm chatting with via sms~ thing is, i actually feel really sorry for that person. I think i'm like holding that person down, but right now, i have only 2 people or maybe 3 people that i'm depending on...i'm leanning against them, hoping i'll find my own support soon. I lack that confidence in me, however those 3 people kinda just give me that confidence...that's why...i'm sorry to hold that person down.
As for what i really wanted to say to that person, it's just simple: "I want to know whats wrong, and then i want to fix it, you're one of my precious friend, and i can't afford to lose you now. I know i'm going against what i've said, but if i don't go against what i've said before, i'll be going against myself, my true and what i really really want kind of self. I realised a lot from talking to my other precious friend. And so, i just need your trust, your support and that's it. What i really want, is just to go back to being what it was like when it just started. Not what it is now. Too precious a friend to lose. 2 important friends. 1 precious friend. i can't afford to lost any of them. Cause, i treasure friendship. You know that, so, i really hope you'll open up to me..."
lols ok, that sounded complicated...hmmm~
oh and to PAMELA:
THANK YOU!!! I COME TO KNOW A LOT MORE ABOUT WHAT TO DO WHEN I TALK TO YOU!! SOMEHOW, YOU JUST MAKE ME FEEL BETTER EVERYTIME I TALK TO YOU AND I REALLY APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'VE DONE FOR ME, THOUGH IT MAY NOT BE MUCH TO YOU, BUT IT MEANS A LOT TO ME~ SO THANK YOU FOR IT (:
yup...i've been dying to tell this to you for like so long~! everytime i like stuck, or end up crying and you see me, you'll always be able to make me feel better, not by making me laugh, but by making me smile. So, i think i means that i've felt happier? when i laugh, its just cause i find something funny, and not beause i feel better. I like talking to you. hahas xD i guess i've found yet another really true friend.
A lot has been on my mind and a lot of things i've achieved. Now, all thats left is that one last problem. I want it fixed. Over and i'll be moving on as happy as ever of course with nothing much changed that is...erm..when i say change i mean change for the worst...yeah o.o of course i want things to get better~!
life is hard, the road ahead is long and full of surprises, however, whatever i have now, i will treasure and hope, rather I WILL make it last forever. Of course not physically, though it'd be better :P but mentally, in my mind i will remember it. (: hehe~
I some how realise that person i've been talking to all this time won't even read this, so...ah well...maybe that person DOES read lols xDDD just...i feel better saying it out :D
hahas~
"it is not about "if i had done this or if i had done that" because you can't change the past, but rather it's about "what can i do and what will i do, what do i want now." that makes it get better."
~Elixian
(this is a statement i will always remember from now on. Cause it's really true i can't change the past, but what is to come, i can always change it before it arrives...)
