this will definately be not enough for what i've done to expect you guys to even forgive me. This is yet another great mistake that i could have prevent yet i let it happen, sorry for that. i don't expect to be forgiven anyways, if u wish, i can take myself out of the competition, cause it just don't seem to fit if i'm inside...

but this is what i have to say, what i wanted: it's a biased point of view since it's one sided...'

I'm not perfect, and i know it. I have a harsh tone though i don't mean it, i respect every single one of you, however if you think i don't, then so be it, i don't towards you. I never accused any one of you for not being respectful to me at all, i believe that respect is earned not given. If u don't call me mam, i don't care about that, it's just a phrase.

But this seriosuly hurts! its my last SYF, i want to do it well, i want you people to get a silver for yourselves, and at least be better than me. I'm trying my best to do well, this year, is more difficult than the 2007 year. I was told to teach you, and i want to. At least what i know and what i'm sure of so you'll be better than me.

I'm a person who is sensitive, but no one will really know this...i hate crying, i really hate it, it makes me seem weak and powerless to change. i'll tell you, yes, it is my fault that i walked out on you guys, i was wrong.

Its not like i was right to begin with... i was never right, even in my real life outside band, outside school... i'm so sad today, no one will know, i'm so freaking stress out, no one knows that either, not only does school crawl itself up my head making it hurt so DAMN much, but my CCA and my personal life too.

Life is unfair, but it seems it's gone way off the point i can take, i've already gone way past my limits already...way off... so much so i really don't want to just keep it to myself...

i'm sorry, i truely am for doing what i've done, i don't expect you people to forgive me at all, not one bit...i don't even think i can look at you people at all, i'm so disapointed in myself.

When i scream or shout my head off, i'm simply scolding myself, i never blame anyone...even if i said so, in the end i'll feel it's me who is wrong...

~Elixian

i don't know what to do anymore...i seriously don't...