Elixian's White Carnival Tainted With Black Stars

[ Determination ]

2012-01-25T00:31:00.001+08:00

Courage

Today, I re-watched Brave Story. It's one of the best stories i've seen.

"If you want to do something, then from now on;
Sketch out your pitiful dream, with more strength than anyone else"

This was part of the lyrics to the ending song sang by Aqua Timez.

It's an english translation. It might not be accurate but it does sound very strong.

It's a wonderful story! So you people out there should so go watch it.

It's inspiring i suppose?

I've learned much form there.

We all have our differences and ours ups and downs in our lives.

However we must accept what comes and what goes.

Don't be upset over everything,

don't keep yourself in the past.

Instead, accept it.

It's a difficult journey and everything may seem to be hopeless.

But if you don't pull through to the very end,

although the end to you may be blurry.

You'll never see the monsters,

the bad things,

disappear.

So, even if it seems never-ending.

Even if it's painful.

Try your best to pull through.

For at the end,

a new road will open to you.

You'll walk down it happily.

You've accepted it,

that's when you reach the end.

You won't look back, for you have confidence.

So, I guess its time to try our best at life's difficult journey ahead~

Don't stop believing.

Elixian

[ Faith ]

2012-01-18T23:15:00.003+08:00

The Brightest Heart

Dear Lord,

I'm so happy today.

Just as you've made my happy yesterday.
I've realized even more today.

Lord,

I am blessed to have grown in you.

My Faith is so much stronger.

It's amazing.

This event that i thought,

was going to be filled with sadness and frustrations,

became an event that gave me so much strength.

I have 2 people to thank for this.

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To Him Who is Lost

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I have you to thank.

If not for meeting you,

I would not have even come to believe in God.

I would never have known the power of God.

And because of this trail,

I have become someone who has grown so much in the Lord.

My faith, ever so much stronger.

I feel joy.

I feel confidence and

i feel strength.

To do whatever i need to do.

To pray for you.

Today, when we prayed together.

For the first time,

I thought, I have nothing much to say.

I asked you to pray together today because i felt it was right.

I felt we needed it.

I know I ever prayed that for whatever trails, whatever that may come our way as 2 people.

God, will guide us.

As i prayed more and more today with you.

I felt that, it was as if you've lost sight of God.

You've covered yourself in a fog,

built a wall around yourself.

I know you're physically very tired.

Your mind itself has been worn out.

Your heart, even more confused and dejected.

But I know, for i prayed, God will heal you.

He will heal your tired self.

He will reach for you even when you fall.

He'll destroy that wall.

He'll remove that fog.

He'll be there.

So, my dear, seek him.

Pray and reach out to him.

For once you have found him,

the answer shall be clear.

Your faith, ever so much stronger.

You'll feel so much more refreshed.

Like a new day has dawned.

Every trouble erased.

I've felt it.

I believe this is where God wants me to be.

This is in exchange for bring me to God.

For bringing me to God and letting me grow in him.

Now, let me pray for you.

Let me be your support while you seek God.

My dear, seek him with all your strength.

I amaze myself, even.

Here is my prayer, again, for you.

================================================

Dear Lord, give him strength. give him courage and give him wisdom. Let him seek you Lord. Clear his tired and confused heart, so that he may focus on you Lord. To see you, to be able to see you clearly Lord, with his heart. To hear you, with his heart. He is your servant, Lord God. I know you won't give up on him, so I pray to you. I've prayed some time ago, saying that whatever that comes our way as a couple, You will guide us through. And that we may last long within this new year that is to come. Lord, I believe this is where you want me to be. I've climbed that hurdle. I've grown in you, Lord. But he is still trapped behind now. So, Lord, as he seeks You, may you seek him too. For everything he needs Lord, may You provide for him. Give him peace and heal him. Once he's found You, Lord. Then may You give him the answer he's looking for. I believe, Lord. I have faith. I have confidence in him. So, Lord, bless him as he has blessed me by giving me this precious gift. Thank you and in Jesus' most precious name, I pray. Amen.

================================================

So, hey, my dear.

Be strong! God is with you. Seek him.

Remember to pray!! :)

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To Her Who is Disheartened

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Thank you.

Although i may not know you so well,

I have to thank you.

For because of your past with him,

that this happen.

That this has caused me to feel so refreshed.

Its as if a new day has dawned and everything is over.

I've grown in the Lord, thanks to you.

So don't blame yourself for what has happened.

Instead, see what you have done and be happy that you have brought someone closer to God.

Everything may be stressful.

Things may seem blurry.

But soon, it will work out.

Everything will be clear,

and you'll see.

I'm not the best person to talk to, really.

But I am willing to listen.

Tell me your side of the story.

I'm sorry that i have dug up some of the feelings you buried,

some memories that you didn't want to remember.

But, don't be disheartened all these has happened.

That's what i'm trying to tell you.

Now that I've figured it out,

everything is clear to me.

I feel the confidence.

I feel His presence,

I feel His power.

You know, no matter who he chooses at the end,

I'll gladly accept.

Every single word.

Every single emotion.

I will accept it, and i will not be hurt.

For i have God who has healed me.

God who has given me strength.

Here is my prayer to you :)

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Dear God, Lord, although i may not know her very well. But, i can sense she isn't the same her as before. The cheerful girl. Somehow, this reawakening of his feelings has affected her. So Lord, i'm sure she's hurt, so heal her. Bless her such that her frustrations and worries will fade in Your presence. They are nothing compared to you Lord God. I have her to thank for allowing me to grow in You, Lord. So, may she gain as I have gained. Let it be that she will no longer feel disheartened or confused. Let it be that she will be herself again, that she would be at peace and feel refreshed. Lord, this feeling is so magical, I pray to share it with her. So Lord, please, may You allow me to share it with her. Lord, for her studies and her life. May you forever be with her and give her strength and wisdom to pull through. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

================================================

Lastly, I actually wish to just say.

I have this confidence.

That you'll come back to me. I don't know when, I don't know how, either. But God has given me this strength and courage to believe so. To trust in you, darling. So no matter what. I'll wait. Even if you take years to overcome. No matter what you choose. I will wait for you. Don't worry. Even if you don't pick me, I will be happy just as you've hoped for. For God is with me. He will always be with me. Because of that, I have the strength. I will accept and I will be contented. However, as a person, as someone who loves you, I'd like to say. I have every confidence in you, every trust. I believe in you! So don't give up, don't break down. I'll wait, until the day God tells me, I don't have to wait anymore. I am confident. So, trust me, for I've seen what God, can do. Ok?

Lord, Thank you for everything! For allowing me to feel so refreshed, so confident. I've never felt like this before. Thank you!

For everything that is to come,

Lord i believe!!

In Jesus' most precious name, I pray! Amen!!

Elixian

forever yours

[ False Feelings ]

2012-01-17T00:09:00.000+08:00

Darling

You don't love me.

You pitied me.

You didn't stay with me today,

because you love me.

You stayed with me because you pitied me.

Because you are afraid you'll hurt me.

But you already did.

By telling me,

For these 1 year and 6 months.

You loved her and only her.

You told me to fix your heart.

You said that when we first started.

You told me i did.

My job was done.

It was done a long time ago.

I think, maybe,

this though that never crossed your mind.

"I want to give her a whole heart, an unbroken heart"

This is the feeling i get.

"I am her replacement, I'm here to heal your broken heart for her"

This is what i'm thinking.

You love her.

You love her more than you ever "loved" me.

I can tell.

I'm not that blind.

But, when my job was done a long time ago,

when you knew your heart was fixed.

While i wasn't too reliant on you.

You should have ended it.

I feel even more hurt now.

because you made me love you.

You made me become so attached to you.

Then within a day,

you shattered everything.

Then you tried to fix everything,

regretting shattering it.

I'm not the one for you.

You know it.

You're pitying me.

You're making me feel pathetic.

You're tired.

You know why?

Its because you're really tired of me.

You're tired of me crying,

You're tired of me telling myself to give up.

I don't know you anymore.

They way you talk to her,

The way you talk to me.

It's obvious, who you wanted more.

It's so obvious...

"Make me happy then"...?

You'll never be.

Because you love her so so SO MUCH MORE!

Can't you see?

How much you love her?

How foolish you are towards her?

SHE TOLD YOU TO BREAK UP WITH ME!

WHY DIDNT YOU LISTEN?

Because you pitied me.

Because you knew i can't let go?

Because of what i said you just changed your mind?

Yes,

I admit,

I'm very happy you stayed.

But i'm even even more disappointed that you stayed because you FREAKING PITIED ME.

I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY.

I'm feel so pathetic.

You know why i'm telling you that i don't want to tell you now?

Because you probably had a really really hard time to choose.

You hate hurting people,

yet what you are doing is just that.

Thanks for trying to "love" me.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know how to be with you now that i know you love her so damn much.

so damn much it was able to break a relationship build for a year and a half within a day.

You don't love me.

You're deceiving yourself.

You never really love or loved me.

It's not a bit.

Its you never did.

You know that?

I'm crying. because i know now...

How much pain i am causing you.

Sorry, but i have to say it.

I'm sorry i'm hurting you.

Would you not hurt yourself?

Would you please choose her because she's the one you really love?

I don't like to be pitied.

Because it makes me feel like i'm not strong enough.

It's a fact i know, that i'm not strong.

But i feel smaller when i'm being pitied than when my heart is being shattered.

I know, this might just end our relationship.

But, darling, please.

Don't pity me.

Don't feel guilty because of me.

Don't be sad because of me.

Don't feel like you've broken a heart.

Although they may be facts.

Like i said.

If you really love her so much, from what i can see,

you will,

never,

ever,

ever in your life.

Think about me again.

You will not cry for or because of me.

You will feel guilt.

You will not feel pain.

There's never a time when you feel part here and part there.

Here, I'll spell it out for you:

1) You don't want to leave me

Reason: You feel guilty because you think you broke my heart and that you are pitying me by staying with me. Just to make me "Happy".

2) Part of you want to be with her

Reason: You love her. So much more than you ever EVER love or loved me.

I'm her replacement :)

I know.

So i knew,

you'd pick her.

you'll always pick her.

Elixian

your little replacement.

[ It's about time ]

2012-01-16T20:41:00.002+08:00

I can stop crying now.

I should be happy.

because he isn't going to make me sad

or angry

or make me feel anything, anymore.

I should be happy,

I should smile.

I should smile and tell him "Its ok"

Because i said so in the beginning.

That if he found someone he loved

I'll let go,

and he can be free.

I should smile and tell him,

I'm ok.

I'll be ok.

And prove that i'm ok.

Then he would let go happily too.

Then the next day,

It would be as if nothing happened.

As if we went back a year and 7 months to when it began.

I have to be like when we first met.

So that i'll be able to just let go.

He's setting me free.

So i should be happy.

But i wonder.

Why i am sad too.

Its ironic.

The benefits i gain from being free,

the emotions i never have to go through would be gone.

Why, with so many good things...

Yet, I cried.

Yet i tried to beg for it to stay.

Those thoughts of mine,

They keep saying:

"You can't let go"

It kept telling me

"I'm scared"

"I'm nervous"

"I'm not good enough to be a competitor against her"

"She's much better"

"Since he likes her, so much more than he "loved" me, he should go be with her"

I knew,

I knew he'd pick her over me.

Yet i kept hoping,

It will change.

That this is temporary.

Just like last time when we fought,

when we argued and screamed at each other,

when i screamed at him.

I'm so pathetic, huh?

I mean, look at me,

i can't do anything much to even convince him to stay by my side.

I don't even have the courage to tell him,

"Please don't go"

Because i knew he'd rather be with her.

Why am i making him suffer,

by not letting go,

by not smiling,

by not being stronger?

I'm so selfish...and yet...

"I'm not ready to change"

One month?

Well, i knew, from the very moment he told me,

he would stay anymore.

I still meant something to him?

Hahas, its impossible.

Because you can't love 2 people at once.

You can only love one person.

When you love someone,

they say

"you'd do anything for him"

"you'd do anything to make him smile"

"to let him be happy"

Because when you see him being happy,

You'd be happy.

I wish,

I could be like that.

I wish i could let him smile.

I wonder if i love him.

I figured that if i was jealous that time,

I did.

And i believe i do.

Even now,

when i'm suppose to let go.

I can't.

I'm weak.

I can't let go.

Its about time, for me to be stronger.

To learn to be stronger.

I've shown him a side i shouldn't ever have shown him.

I've made him guilty.

I've made him sad.

Really, I'm sorry that i've made you feel like that.

I have to be stronger,

I shall promise i have to be stronger.

I was never the right girl for you,

"Its about time, i have to start to let go of you"

I'll smile.

I'll tell you "its ok"

I'll show you "I'm ok"

Elixian

I'm just not worthy enough.

[ I wish ]

2012-01-16T01:50:00.000+08:00

Broken Butterfly; Elixian

False Smile

You know, I wanted to say..

"Thank you"

because you've always been there.

because you never mind my bad habits.

because you will always help me.

because you'll give up things for me.

because you said you loved me.

But i wish,

i wish you would mean it.

until the very end.

I wish you'd mean it.

I'm sorry i felt like that.

Sorry that i am selfish

Sorry that i hurt you

Sorry that i screamed at you

Sorry that i always pick your flaws

Sorry that i made you sad

Sorry that i was unreasonable

Sorry i snapped at you

After all the things i've done,

you still stayed with me.

For so long.

It would mean something.

I'm comforting myself,

with the thoughts of

"i'm over thinking"

with the attitude that said

"It's not like this"

I'm trying to be calm.

I'm trying to smile every time i think about it.

I comfort myself that

"we're still together now"

I know i'm selfish to post only my views.

To say only what i think,

and not what we said.

I'm jealous of her.

I think, you really like her.

More than you "love" me.

You're a determined person.

You can do things you set out to do.

And i believe if you wanted it,

she'd come back.

Remember how i asked God if i was the right girl for you?

Apparently, i don't think i am now.

I'm like the passing winds.

Here to be here,

then gone when i need to be.

I'm sorry.

I know i said i'll let go if you wanted me to.

But the truth is:

"I can't"

I'm nervous,

I'm scared.

But i have no right to be anymore.

But, once you've made your decision.
Go for it.

Don't regret.

I'll try my best.

Because, they say:

"when you truly love someone, you'll let them go"

Elixian

someone whom you knew

[ Prayer For Her ]

2012-01-14T22:40:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord God, please hear me out. I pray for her swift recovery. I wish she was back home. Let this period pass quickly and let her be healthy again, let her be herself again way before that injury. Let this not happen to her again, for whatever sins she may have committed, please forgive her. Lord, please watch over her. I pray in Jesus' most precious name, Amen.

Please, send Your Angels, hold out Your hand to her. She's precious to me.

Your little servant,

Elixian

[ Photo ]

2012-01-04T00:12:00.001+08:00

Recently I've got an obsession with taking photos o.o

This one was taken very long ago XD

I made those flowers myself hehe (:

Maybe i'll make one again soon ^ ^

~Elixian

[ What did i do? ]

2012-01-02T04:16:00.000+08:00

I know i'm just here to rant. Bare with it anyways.

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Mistake....?

==================

What did i ever do to you?

Why do you always give me that attitude?

Even during happy moments, you just HATE to include me?

You so reluctantly do things that involve me?

Why is it that you give everyone opportunities, except me?

Is it something i did?

But i don't ever recall myself offending you?

You don't recognize me for what i love, fine. Your choice.

But how is that person better than me?!

I admit, He is better than me. But THAT PERSON?!

HOW. IS. HE. SO. MUCH. BETTER. THAN. ME?!

He can call him an Artist.

Why not me?

What does an Artist do?

Take photos only?

Talk crap?

Draw 2D Rectangles and say i took 5 hours to do it?

Do a cover Art which i have done with the same quality in 10 mins flat?

Is that what an artist is suppose to do that is so good?

or what? Am i not also a GIRL?

What am i then? if i'm not a girl.

You always say, "she gets this kind of opportunities because she's a girl ok!"

Then what am i?

Why don't i get the opportunities she gets?!

I hate it.

I hate that you look down on me.

Last time when HE use to correct you that there was me too

what would you do?

shrug and pretend nothing happened?

Dare to tell everyone that only those 2 are artists. No one else are?

What about those whom i've seen in the class who are really good artists?
They have the creativity.

What about them?

Fine. Maybe in your eyes they aren't really artists.

You don't want to recognize me. Fine.

But can you stop aiming at me?

it's really getting on my nerves and making me really sad.

To think i'm not ANYTHING in your eyes.

And people whom are not as good are fantastic in your eyes?

What is this "Fair" treatment i'm getting?

Doesn't seem like much on the surface.

But think about how it has affected me?

You don't know my past,

you won't know how your attitude is affecting me.

I had enough. seriously.

I'm miserable enough.

stop adding on to it.

I don't need it.

[My God]

2011-12-03T05:12:00.000+08:00

My God

Recently, i've been more into my God.
He is my Savior, my Lord. I love him more than anything in the world
If you believe in Him, you'll see miracles.Pray, and He shall hear you.
Thank you, Lord, for always being in my life and blessing me ♥
Elixian

[ Apology ]

2011-10-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

Beloved Heart

"As you open my eyes to the works of your hand"

I'm sorry my dear heart.

I've hurt you.

So beloved,

So Precious.

Yet i do not know how to treasure you.

All i know is just to scream,

vant my angers on you.

Yet you took all my anger,

turned them to nothing.

You become sad.

Yet only when i've cooled down,

that i see.

How much i've hurt you.

I'm sorry.

It was my mistake...

[ Treasure ]

2011-10-04T00:58:00.001+08:00

Hold me by SimpleOona; deviantart

Treasure

I realised how much I've lost today.

Communication with my friends.

People whom i hold dear.

We no longer talk.

Distances grew.. But as much as i still regard all of you as my friends

ever so close, not a single step away from what was before..

I'm sure you all have found other people whom you've held even dearer..

People whom you hang out more with.

People whom you all feel closer to.

I feel lost.

I haven't taken many steps forward

As usual i'm the more "lonely" one in the class.

The "less known" one.

I don't mind really.

I enjoy having the company of a few friends.

Close ones, Precious ones.

Some i have no way to communicate with them anymore..

To name everyone i know off my head. Here they are:

ANGEL SOU XIN HUI

Natalie Yang

Xiu Yi

Alvin Phua

Alvin Laiman

Jordon Tan

Dennis Yu (yes we still talk! but really little..)

Genevieve Chua Ya Qi (YES i rmb your full name >:D) don't slap me D:

Stephanie Loo

Xin Yan

Shu Yi

Wani

Yok Pin

Vanessa

Jia Xin

Brandon Sham (fufufufu)

Jennifer Carmen Lim

Loong Guat

Saw Sheng Yao

Jun Kong (wahaha always can't contact de)

Tammy Ho

Winarti

From my online friends/family:

Neffy (mommy)

Darren (Ava Teddy~)

Arnaud (Ily <- wahaha i thought you were a girl when we first met!)

Sapphy (Lina~ )

Fuu (Sally)

Sendoh (SALAD DRESSING CUPCAKE)

Saku (Puma)

Amanda (Grandma? :D)

Gabby (Grandpa~)

Takanori (although i've never really talk much o.o)

Hahas Love these bunch of people

I wish i could talk to them all again!!! Play games with them.

Go out with them.

Thinking about it just puts a smile on my face!!

Communication isn't the only thing i lost really..

I've been browsing a few things lately, music and stuff.

I found out Fukumen, one of my fav violin cover artist, is gone D:

The youtube account is gone! i can't find it!! ):

Some friends took down their facebook accounts.. probably to concentrate on Alevels

Sigh..

Sometimes i wish i can turn back time just a little,

once in a while~

go back to the old days and laugh

suffer under books

do everything we use to do

eat where we use to eat

joke and go out like we use to

Sometimes i think it'll feel great.

Even if that "Time Travel" back is just for a few moments

We all use to be naive but now we're all grown

smarter, older

some prettier, some more handsome, some happier now

I know i sound pretty darn old and cliche =.= but honestly,

I love the old days

I mean who doesn't like to complain about how much crap we had to put into our heads?

How we have to wake up so damn early just to get to school?

Those heavy bags and lockers?

Classroom with blue tables and gray chairs?

Hahas as much as those who went to JC have seen all that...

those who went to poly stuck in lecture theaters (but i admit i skip lectures >__>..whoops)

Hahas

Wish everyone would one day gather together,

just have fun.

Talk about everything and anything under the sun

complain about how tough life is

cry about things...

Elixian

missing everything we use to do

[ Why was it me? ]

2011-09-28T04:51:00.000+08:00

Why Me?

So many people question themselves... they ask:

Why not me?

Why didn't you see me?

Why can't you love me?

I ask myself:

"What made you love me?"

The choice.

So many people with the same traits, with the looks

So many. Yet.

It was me...?

I don't know why but i feel like crying.

For what i have no idea, happiness? Sadness?

I don't know ):

I feel so lost now.

Every time i ask you "Why me?"

You'd never answer properly.

I don't know why..but the reason you gave. It just wasn't really it.

It didn't feel like you've told me the truth...

Is there no truth?

I wish i knew.

Elixian

because there's a real reason for every action

[ Prayers ]

2011-09-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

Pray for the Fireflies by ZuZuMoo; deviantart

Prayer

Today, i prayed to God.

I asked Him,

Dear God, if i'm the right girl for him,

when i kiss him today,

he would smile and tell me that i'm the right girl for him.

But the answer i got today was:

"Nope, you're not"

Haha i wonder if i can change to be the right one. Or someone else in this world would be his "Right" one.

oh yes! I found this video. Loved the song!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6foPGcWAAo

GO WATCH IT.

I love you God! Thanks for being in my life :)

~Elixian

perhaps not now, but in future i'd be.

[ Greed ]

2011-07-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

I realized something today.

I shouldn't be greedy.

You'll lose more than you want by being greedy.

Thanks, for reminding me today.

Elixian

[ Consideration ]

2011-06-14T03:50:00.000+08:00

Is it that hard, to not think before you say something?

When you know what you say will obviously hurt the person you love. Why still do it?

Unless, you really don't love her at all.

If that is the case, then i understand. And i will no longer care.

If she chooses to leave you even if she will regret, then she will. Because wounds heal. But it can't heal if it is constantly being opened wider and wider.

Think about it.

Is it worth it?

See 2 sides of the coin before saying something.

Because what you say can determine someone else's actions.

Elixian

[ Wish I could be better ]

2011-05-22T19:45:00.000+08:00

Why..? ; Elixian

I want to be better

Its just so hard to be ):

Why can't i improve? i'm always average

I'm never better.

I'm suppose to be an artist yet i can't really do well.

I'm so limited.

I can't even draw what i see...

People can improve, yet i can't. I'm just stuck there although i keep trying.

):

I wanna be better... I wish i could be.

if only i could be good at something.

I'm just a so-called "jack-of-all-traits; master of none"

-----------------------------------------

Elixian

[ Silly ]

2011-05-07T00:37:00.000+08:00

Foolish

Yeah, i'm selfish.
I'm attention seeking,
I'm stupid.
I'm ugly.
I'm ugly on the inside too.
I'm just another one of those people you don't want to be with.
I'm always the one you can blame.
Because no one would object.

But why?

Why can't for once.
Just once.
I be happy for once? Truly happy?

Is it too much to ask?
Why is my smiles so surfaced?
Why are my scars burning so deep?

I no longer need thunder to hide my screams,
Rain to hide my tears.
Cause i no longer have to scream.
And no one would see my tears.

That's how truly,
life has been for me.

Why am i always so "emo"?
I ask myself that too.

But cuts are too deep to even heal.
I'm just all over the place.

I always think to myself when i cry:
"If i cried, people would think i'm attention seeking only"
"If i talked, people would just think that i'm going to complain"
"if i made a joke, people would think i'm offensive"
"If i didn't smile, people think i'm angry"
"If i die, no one would know unless you're my family"
"if i didn't have expectations, i wouldn't be hurt"
"if i didn't cry, no one would say anything"
"If i didn't have emotions, i would never be hurt"
"I won't feel hurt"

In the end.

I'm just a stupid girl who always wanted only to celebrate her birthday with her friends.
And everything that goes wrong;
I would be the one to blame.

I blame no one. From the bottom of my heart.
I hate no one.

But, i made everyone dislike/hate/stay far from me.
I can make people like others.
but i can never make people like me.

Yes, it's all about me.
Because to me;
There's only me in my world.

And it would stay like that,
For many years to come.

Because no one has ever broke down that wall.
No one will.
Because, i can't bring myself to let anyone do so.

Yes, i stopped myself from being happy.
Aren't i stupid?

I am.

Face it,
I am.

If only life would just be taken from me and given to someone more deserving.

Why did you have to waste a life on someone such as me?

"You're too nice to be hated"

I'm nice?

I wonder if that's the truth....

I wish for it to end.

[ That Smile ]

2011-04-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

i can always make you smile by boobookittyfuck; deviantart

Truly

Hahas, i enjoy reading my old posts for some reason.
Came back to blogging for a moment i guess (:

Since it's part of my assignment to make a 3D blog..

http://karnivii.blogspot.com/

hahas

Truly, they always put a smile on your face~

(:

Love,
Elixian

-------------------------------------

Love you loads my darling :)

Thanks for being in my life!! ♥
take care ya? i wanna see you healthy again!!!

[ Expression ]

2011-03-15T03:02:00.000+08:00

Longing by HollowSoulEater; Deviantart

Belonging

With Everything - HillSong

This song, always makes me feel so..full of life?

Iuno how to express it but i just feel like that (x

It puts a smile on my face.

I read my older posts,
I kept laughing at myself for emoing lols

Decided to update my blog since it's been pretty dead o.o
plus i slept at 10pm thinking i'd sleep thru the night seeing that i'm tired..
but i woke up at 1:30am =.=
and i can't sleep =.='''''''

Recently, been playing the pservers for Flyff.

My old server shut down ): - TeaXI
currently playing in : Clockwars

Just a little message i wanted to type out:

Dear you :)

Thanks for always putting a smile on my face,
always being there for me and blessing me with wonderful people in my life.

You really do make miracles,
I believe.

But i have to grow stronger in you.
I don't ever want to doubt you.
I have fears but you erase them.

You would always protected me.
Even when i don't come to you on a regular basis..
even when there are times i doubted you..

but yet, you always had your way of making me come back to you,
thinking:
"You're the only one in my life, nothing can replace you now"

Thank you for everything!! :)

I love you, God (:

"Jesus our God, Great and Mighty to be saved ♥"

~Elixian
(i may be silly, but at least i got my message across ^ ^)

[ Mistake ]

2011-02-24T23:16:00.000+08:00

Today was my mistake yet again.

Sorry.

[ Blame ]

2011-01-14T04:25:00.000+08:00

Blame

Yeah, yet again it's my fault.
you always make me feel bad.
you know that?

did you know how much it hurts?
no, maybe you don't.
oh wait
i'm not suppose to think

My mentality is wrong.
i forgot i'm sorry.

From now onwards tell me how to think ok?
tell me how to do everything.
how to do GDD, how to do everything

so you won't find faults.
i'll be your puppet ok?
i'll obey your every command.

I won't move my limbs unless you make me move.
cause i have no brain of my own.

are you satisfied?

Am i making you sad?
sorry i don't mean to be.

i don't know how you feel,
just like you don't know how i feel or think.
i'm screwed up just like that.

Have you ever wondered why,
when you tell me about these games i love so much,
i try my best to chase or tell you don't play?

Why do i want to be on the top?
why don't i want you to overtake me?

you over took me in so many games.

You told me in a game, said:
"you can't chase up liao"

or

"wah why you keep chasing one?"

oh yeah.

That game, know why i stop playing it?
cause i gave up as usual.
i started later so i don't expect much.

i never intend to chase you when i start games you ask me to play.
but you like to play games to the full extent.

every time we talk about things like these,
you loose the mood then you just log off
or you =.= me.

you know, when you do that.
it makes me feel very sad?
you like to leave without saying anything.

maybe He was right,
you are a silent breaker.

Maybe i'm just not worth it for you.

you hate this side of me right?
you hate me to be sad and all negative.
you don't like to see me angry for no reason.
you don't like me to tickle you
you don't like me to tease you
you don't like me to play with your hair

what do you like about me?

"I don't know"

thats your reply isn't it?

or i think it use to be "i like you when you smile"

if u still like it when i smile. Then i like to smile.

Then i like to smile to make you smile.
I like to be the support role to help people.
but i like to be on the top so i can continue to help people.

not a very illogical thing is it?

I'm sick

And i will get even more sick.
Not your fault.

but, just to let you know,
i really want to rest.
but to attain my own goals,
i have the pressure from you.

I want to rest.
if not one day you can forget about seeing me forever.

cause my body can't take it.
i'm not strong.
Not like you

I never was strong.

It hurts.

sometimes, its not what i want
but its what i need.

because everyone around me,
every once made me feel like
"the world doesn't want me here"

everyone made me felt as if i'm an outcast.

I've come to accept that fact.
That i don't belong to anywhere.

That maybe death,
is where i should be going to.

My whole body aches and is in pain.
but, i guess
it doesn't matter anymore now that i don't have to think anymore right?

Sorry, i'm probably just a burden to you.
I can't bring you joy.
As much as i wanted to.

I still love you.

but after seeing me like this,
i wonder if you would still want me.

"if you are my wife..IF"

hahas, funny how...i've lost all hope.

~Elixian
i never blamed you

[ Fault ]

2011-01-07T02:19:00.000+08:00

Summer - 久石譲 (Joe Hisaishi)

Blame

It's always been my fault
i wonder why..you bothered to pick me
why did you bother to be nice
when you knew one day you'll snap at me

why do you always make me cry
why do i always feel so sad before of little things
sometimes i don't even know why i cry,
tears just roll

Its my fault.
it's always been,
and will never change.

Sorry is no use?
well i remembered telling you it meant a lot
if i didn't then, sorry
my fault for not saying it.

I'm not angry.
I just feel really pissed off inside, for some reason
i don't know why exactly i got angry

Maybe i should stop talking to you.
stop playing with you.
then at least conflicts won't raise.

i don't know what to do ):

i really dont...

I HATE THIS!!!

~Elixian

[ New Year ]

2011-01-01T01:25:00.000+08:00

Tour de Japon - Aerith's Theme

Brand New Year

It's a brand new year
2011 has arrives just barely pass an hour ago :)

Wishes for everything and everyone to have a smooth year ahead.

I've looked back in my past~
Found happy and sad memories.

But overall,
I'm really happy.

I'm happy that i've made it pass a year,
alive to see the future events that have yet to come.

Being able to have experienced all that i have experienced,
learn all that i need to learn,
be it the hard way or the easy way..

Life never cease to amaze me.

To here's wishing everyone

Happy New Year

Do enjoy your year and have a blessed one :)

2011

Got a few new year resolutions i guess o.o

1) Darling~ ♥
2) Have a better relationship with my Family
3) good grades!!!
4) Come to believe even more
5) Pretty nails (lol)
6) SLIM DOWN!!!

that's all i guess lols
hopefully i'll be able to reach some what of a target there...

hahas
well~ hope i can finish my assignments on time for now ): argh!!!

~Elixian

[ Smile ]

2010-12-04T01:00:00.000+08:00

The cross by ~Paik666; Deviantart

Thank You

Father, with all my heart,
i thank you.
For giving me this chance to pray,
For giving me this chance to smile,
For giving me this chance to thank you,
and letting me worship you slowly.

Thank you,
for walking beside me.
When times are hard,
you never let me down.

You sent them to me,
you let them be with me to comfort me.

In your most precious name, I pray.
Amen

Mighty to Save

Findings

Found this song somewhere along in my life
and it made my day (:

Also 2 other people made my day
hahas 1 may not know who he/she is.
But thank you ^ ^

I feel blessed!

♥

Love

I hope i don't ever have to go through that again
but i believe i can make it through this time

school work's been stressful ):

Thank goodness for everyone around me
i'm able to laugh still~

Oh i've got a new laptop! hahas
got to thank my parents and Ming Liang + Darling for it!!!

Hahahas

Alienware M15x WHOOSH!

Walk Beside Me

Darling, thanks for the wonderful day :)

~Elixian

[ Rain ]

2010-11-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

Crying by rabbin-des-bois; Deviantart

The Sky Is Crying

I'm sorry i haven't changed
I regret my actions
I wish there were rain to hide my tears
and thunder to hide my screams

I feel so frustrated
I feel like i can't take it anymore
My head hurts a lot

So many things have happened
And I'm caught in between everything
It's not easy to be the one who is standing with two hands holding everything
I have too much to handle...

I wish time would stop
I wish i could take a break and breathe
I'm tired of running and carrying everything

Yet i can't leave them behind

Am I just a fool?
Wish i knew the answer...

Fallen

I'm sorry
I didn't notice
It didn't occur to me it hurt that much

you're not weak
I am

I can't support you even when you're down
I'm weaker than you
My whole body is hurting
I feel pain everywhere

I feel so pathetic on the inside
but yet they tell there's nothing wrong
I feel like throwing up
But nothing is wrong.

Nothing is ever wrong with me.

right now, i can see the whole world spinning...
the screen is starting to blur...
breathing is getting harder...
it's hurting more...

But I don't have any more choices left

I'm so pathetic...

):

I feel as if I'm getting weaker
but...I can't help it...

Sorry, i made you angry and hurt.
It's my fault.

It's my fault for being too selfish.
why am i so pathetic?

~Elixian

[ Patience ]

2010-11-06T15:02:00.000+08:00

waiting for by ~ skyhorizon; Deviantart

Waiting

I realise i've been waiting
not that i mind

but sometimes,
i do get the feeling that i want time to speed up
i wish it'll pass faster

so i can see you sooner
so i can spend the days like before

somehow,
i can't tell the difference anymore
hahas

feel as if i've lost everything.
I look in the mirror to see someone so pathetic

Every time i look,
i see a girl who wears a mask

My arm hurts,
My head hurts for reasons i can't find,
My heart aches.

I keep craving for things.
But i know i should wait.

There's too many things i want to do.
Strangely, it's not because there's no time.
But rather,
there's no way to do it ):

-------------------------------------------

Meaning

Found something, i love.

~Worlds Apart, Silverstein

Lying all alone, wishing you would call.
Writing all my thoughts has broken all my bones.
You gave it all up, you threw it all away.
There's nothing I can do.

What do I think of dying?
You know it's even worse than what's in my head.
You don't believe me when I tell you,
I don't want to be a fraud and pretend that everything's fine.
I won't be here when you get home.
I'm not gonna sit here and die.

I'll follow through again this time.
I'll swallow swords, spite out my pride.
I'll be just fine.

You read me like a book.
You know I'm running out of legs to stand on.
I won't believe you when you tell me.
These old habits die so hard.
There's not intervention in sight.
There's no point in calling you.
I'm just gonna stand here and fight.

I'll follow through again this time.
I'll swallow swords, spit out my pride.
I'll be just fine.
You fill my head with endless lies.
You're killing me, I'm killing time.
I'll be just fine.

So, maybe one day the pain will go away,
And I will see your face,
I won't even care.
Changing all the locks 'cause I can't change you.

I'll follow through again this time.
I'll swallow swords, spit out my pride.
I'll be just fine.

You fill my head with endless lies.
You're killing me, I'm killing time.
I'll be just fine.

♥

~Elixian
i'll wait forever

[ Luck ]

2010-11-01T07:30:00.001+08:00

Luck by Raghda86; Deviantart.

Luck

Hello :)
I haven't updated last night

But i hope it's not too late now...

Here's wishing you good luck?

I hope everyone's prayers for you would come true

♥

Just a quick one,
if i have the energy tonight

I'll write a longer post.

I love you

♥

So, please get well soon! :)

~Elixian

[ Warmth ]

2010-10-28T00:56:00.001+08:00

Hug by babygoth;Deviantart

Warmth

Today was weird.

Tears just rolled down my face
I didn't know why i cried

my mind was blank at the point of time
but the tears just flowed

The questions you asked me today
to be honest i didn't know how to answer

Sorry i'm stubborn sometimes
but i just felt that i wanted to see you
i wanted to stay by you

But i don't think i'm all that strong

♥

Confused ):

---------------------------------------------

Pain

I know i lied
It hurts
maybe that's why those tears rolled

but it didn't hurt that bad
probably not as much as what you had felt that day

i know i'm not feeling well
i know my stomach hurts
i know my head hurts till it feels like it's not even there

but every time i looked at your face in the hospital
i can't help it

even though i knew full well that there's going to be nothing wrong
you'll be back
but it just flowed out

i tried to hold back

sorry i couldn't ):

i didn't mean to cry
but i really don't know why...

~Elixian

[ Disturbance ]

2010-10-26T23:43:00.000+08:00

Splattered Disturbance V2 by VectorCookie; Deviantart

Needles

Today was kind of a bad day
i was poked by needles over and over

During break time
I fainted
caused Jon and Sam so much trouble ):
made Jordan worried

Got sent to Changi General Hospital?
Was put on drip
almost got sent to IMH ._.

Then my parents brought me to see Jordan at SGH.

After they left,
I fainted again.

Lucky i didn't have to go to A&E @ @

אתה אמר: "תשאל ואתה יקבלו", אבל אני מפחד אלוהים. מעולם לא הייתי רוצה להתמודד עם זה שוב.
You said "Ask and you will receive", but i am afraid, God. I never want to face that again.

I want to be normal again.
I wish my life would go back to what it use to be;

Just us.

Sharing both joy and sadness together.

But this time
Although i can still take it
We both are suffering together

But neither of us want to see each other in our own state

I'm sorry ):

Wished i was stronger....

♥

---------------------------------------

Without i even realizing,
These tears falls on my cheek

I’m trying to hide
The heartbeats of my sorrow

This night, i hold your hand
Tight, and fall asleep

‘Good Night’

I think it would be wonderful
If i could spend another morning with you
Even if that’s only a mere hope
A miracle that i can only imagine

When i can’t confess anything
I can’t say ‘Good Bye’, too

Even if this voice fades
This melody shall not fade

And when i think that the end
Will come someday
In this night sky i pray
For that smile to remain forever

‘Good Night’

~Last Night, Good Night

~Elixian

[ Prayer ]

2010-10-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

The Piano by Elixian

あなたは私を聞くことができますか？
can you hear me?
私は、あなたがこの祈りに答えることができることを望みます。
i hope you can answer this prayer.

私はあなたのためにこれらのメモを演奏します。
i play these notes for you.
私は、あなたがそれらを聞くことができたならいいのにと思います。
i wish you could hear them.
私が祈るように、日々が過ぎます。
days pass as i pray.

私は、あなたが彼を救うことを祈ります。
I pray you would save him.
あなたは彼を治します。
You would heal him.
そして彼を私に戻してください,
And bring him back to me,
私たちに,
to us,
安全によくそして笑って。
safely, well and laughing.
彼が私に健康的な必要があると話した所に、私は日々を逃します。
I miss the days where he told me i needed to be healthy.
当時私たちは笑いと叫びを共有しました。
Those days we shared laughing and crying.

神、
God,
私がそうして何でも,
I would anything,
私は何でも与えます。
I would give anything.
私がもう1つの生命〔生活〕を殺さなくてもよい限り
As long as i don't have to kill another life
あるいは他の誰かを犠牲にしてください
or sacrifice someone else
彼がセーブであるために、私は何でもします。
I would do anything for him to be save.

私があなたが彼と一緒にいることを祈って普段です。
I pray you would be with him everyday.
私が子を産むことができない時彼の手を持つこと　に。
Holding his hands when i cannot bear to.
私が力がない時彼を治します。
Healing him when i am powerless.
私は何でもありません。
I am nothing.

全部私がすることができて祈ることです。
All i can do is pray.
そして私は祈りがあなたに届くことを望みます。
And i hope my prayers will reach you.
私は、あなたがこの祈りを私に与えることができることを望みます。
I hope you can grant me this prayer.
そして彼を保護してください。
And protect him.

私は彼を愛しています。
I love him.

私はそれの全てをあなたに任せます,
I leave it all to You,
私の主人。
My Lord.
私は信じます。
I will believe.

あなたの最も貴重な名で,
In your most precious name,
私は祈ります。
I pray.

~Elixian

[ Question ]

2010-10-11T01:37:00.000+08:00

My Sky; Elixian

Answer

Do i have the right to be Jealous?
I think you still love her very much.
I'm jealous.

But i won't do anything,

I'm pathetic.
I know i'm thinking too much.
But i can't help it.
You'll probably hate me for this.

But i feel hurt now ):

I finally know how much i love you.

~Elixian

[ Expectations ]

2010-10-07T22:59:00.000+08:00

Turn Around by suicide-bee; Deviantart

Expectations

I think it's just me.
I expected so much.
Too much.

Yeah, it's just me.

Sorrow & Pain

Darling
I'm sorry.
I didn't know i hurt you that much that day.

Those 2 days.
To see you like that,
It hurts like hell inside.

I hope i won't ever have to see that side ever again.
I know i caused that to happen.
I'm sorry.

):

I love you.

♥

Choosing to Believe

I have brought myself to come and believe you existed.
You'll always be there.
And i will not regret this decision i hope.

I only hope i can bring happiness to those around me.

Worries

You don't have to worry.
I'm ok.
You already knew my problem.
Yet you pretended not to know.

I hate you for that.
I never wanted to hate you.
But every action you've made.

It hurts me.
So what if it hurts you?
It hurts me more.

Leave me as i am.
Do that.
And i'll return to you.

~Elixian
the world in which you believed in so dearly

[ Hope ]

2010-09-25T01:42:00.000+08:00

Hope by sakimichan; Deviantart

Darling

I'm going to keep my hopes up.
I'm really worried.

You're so dear to me now ):
I'm really afraid it's something serious.
As much as it won't be life-threatening...

I'm really really worried ):
I wish i could do more.

I wish i can take the pain from you
wish i can just be with you
I'm so scared ):

I hope you'll be ok.
I pray you'll be ok ):

God, please protect him ):
I'll give anything for him to be ok.

please say it's nothing serious at all..
I really really want to know he'll be ok ):

sigh...
why him?
why not me? ):

Darling, it really hurts to see you like this ):

♥

I love you
so please be ok ):

~Elixian

[ Illness ]

2010-09-24T02:00:00.000+08:00

Illness by anndr; Deviantart

Darling

I'm really worried ):
Please be ok..

Please be healthy again ):
It hurts to see you this way..

I pray hard you'll recover soon and that this is nothing serious
and it won't happen again...

I'm seriously worried...
I wish i wasn't this useless ):
Wish i can take the pain from you.

God, if you can answer this prayer.
Please do..

I pray that he'll be healthy,
I'll do anything
Even if i was dying, i'll crawl to him and save him.

I really just want him to be healthy
If only i could do more than just this...

I feel so useless ):
Why can't i be more useful?

Darling, please be ok ):

I love you
i really do

♥

♠Elixian

[ Falling apart ]

2010-09-18T17:08:00.001+08:00

Silence by Elixian; "it feels empty"

Trust

I'm sorry to say:
"I've lost my trust in you"

I'm sorry i can't stand to tell you anything any more?
I don't trust you as much anymore ):
You give me the feeling you're telling everyone in the world about it,
even though you're not?

Well, at least you are telling someone i feel i don't trust.
As much as i know that that person won't say a word.
I don't trust it.

the feeling is unbearable.
to think you're telling someone else about it ):

I hate this feeling.
I trusted you so much,
somehow it just fell apart within that few seconds.

I feel sad.
I feel very "betrayed"?
I don't really know anymore.

I'm lost.
I'm really feeling quite unsecured now.

):

I know i can still trust you.
My heart knows i can trust you.
But my mind tells me that you're going to betray me again.

I'm confused.
show me that i can trust you.

Tell me in my face that you'll never betray me
Let me be at comfort that everything is safe with you

I hope you would read this ):
Give me a reply if you do read this?

I don't talk to you very often anymore.
Maybe that's why i'm afraid?

I'm so sorry ):
I'm so very sorry...

But right now,
my life is just really..
coming apart ):

"i want to trust you"
let me trust you.

♠♣♦♥ i wish you both well ♥♦♣♠

Darling
I feel lost.
Wonder why?

I don't know why,
but i keep feeling that i have to say sorry to you.

Its as if i've cause your death?
i don't know.
i'm lost.
i'm confused.

I'm sorry if i am making you worried
But i feel like i'm falling apart ):

I know in my heart very well that you'll stay with me through this
and i hope it'll forever stay this way..

I'm kinda worried too,
about you.
Don't ask why,
but i am.

I wanna tell you not to worry about me.
but..
then i won't know who to turn to anymore.

i don't know what to do ):
...
i'm really lost...

just...really..
lost..?

):

Seems like the only thing i know right now is perhaps,
"i love you"?

♠♣♦♥ I'm really falling apart ♥♦♣♠

♥ Elixian

[ Perfection ]

2010-09-12T12:44:00.000+08:00

Violin by redLantern; Deviant

Practice

They say practice makes perfect
I know it's true

Yet i haven't been touching my dear violin ):
been caught up in so many things

mostly seemed to be not that important to others
Music has been my life mostly

it has kept my company for many days and nights
hahas still..somehow i've neglected it

Well
I don't feel all that bad
just really glad it's still around to keep my company

Viva La Musica~ ♥

♥♦♣♠ Listening to Perfection ♠♣♦♥

♠ Elixian ♠

[ I'm Sorry ]

2010-09-08T00:36:00.000+08:00

I'm Sorry by ~Exerlastinglovex3; Deviantart

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry darling ):
Today's my fault

I wish today never happened.
I'm so sorry ):

I really sorry.
I feel so bad now...
I really do..

I feel so full of guilt
I really wished today didn't happen

);

I cried hard
It hurts so much

I'm sorry...

Will you forgive me?

I love you...

♥

♥♦♣♠ We Speak In Different Voices ♠♣♦♥

Voices

Why did you have to lie to me today?
I feel so angry today.
I know it's my fault too

You didn't have to scream at me after that
You didn't have to be so rude

"Is that the way you talk to me?"
Can i ask the same?

You cried today.
But will you remember tomorrow?

I know today was my fault.
My Mistake.

You didn't have to act that way!
You seemed to act all so pitiful.

I pray hard too.
I want to get along.
But we just can't.

We're just too different.

I speak like its your fault.

Sorry but i feel hurt enough to start hurting you.

Today i've hurt you.
I made you cry.

I made myself cry.

But for once, maybe.
I won't ask for your forgiveness.

♥♦♣♠ These Steps I Climb Are So Hard ♠♣♦♥

♥♦♣♠ Elixian ♠♣♦♥

[ Message ]

2010-08-25T20:04:00.000+08:00

Suppose it was true by ~liketheflowingrive on deviantART

Message

You know sometimes i wished you knew..
About what i'm thinking of.
About how i felt
How i am still feeling
How i wanted things to be
About how i can make you accept me
About many things..
So many i wished so hard that you knew.

If only you knew
Then perhaps you'll come to accpet me?

But then again, you've never really accepted me.

I just was there.
I am still just there.
My every action you want you corrected
My every emotion you feel that is wrong
My every chance to savage myself from this mess,
you wanted all these to change.

I can wait.
But you won't change.
I have the patience.
But you don't have the heart to accept.

I am forever your treasure.
That, i don't deny.

But you don't understand your treasure.
You don't see it's actions,
it's emotions,
it's wants,
it's needs,
it's desire.
Thus you don't know how to show you care.

Yet it knows you care.
But it cannot comprehend and it cannot see how you are protecting it.

You never understand when i speak.
You never bothered to "listen".
You somewhat never gave me the impression
you'll ever accept me.

For once,
cast away you thoughts and believes.
throw away everything you see infront of you.
And look through your treasure's eyes.
look and feel and hear what it hears.

Then perhaps,
You'll find the key to that little treasure box you've been protecting so long.
Yet have no idea how to put things into it,
because you can't open it.

♥♦♣♠ Hoping you'll hear the silent cries ♠♣♦♥

Darling

Many things go through my mind
Every time, i feel like i'm doing something wrong.
Yet you can stand it.

I wonder why?

I always regret what i've done after i've done it
I always see the flaws in the things i've done.
But i don't see the advantage.
Maybe because there is nothing great about it?

I want to change.
I've always wanted.
But never knew where to start.

Never knew what to do first.
I only say those empty words.
Those with meaning,
were only filled nothing but flaws.

How i wish i was dreaming some times.
Then everything bad would go away once i wake up.

Then again what's the difference between dreams and reality?

♥♦♣♠ Wished i was different ♠♣♦♥

I love you
now more then ever

♥♦♣♠ Elixian ♠♣♦♥

[ I have no rights to be like this.. ]

2010-08-17T01:30:00.000+08:00

Last Rights by BloodPromise; Deviantart.com

It wasn't suppose to be like this );

I'm sorry ):
I was wrong.
I regretted acting like that.

I feel so sad.
Why did i act like that?
Why am i so affect by those little things that were suppose to mean nothing?!

Its not your fault anymore
It's mine.
I'm sorry.
I feel so bad.

I feel like i didn't bare for your feelings
i just pushed mine into yours
I think i'm going over-board
I feel so mean to you.

I want to change ):
I NEED to change
I desperately want to change

I'm sorry ):
I'm really sorry, Jordan.

Perhaps you'll tell me it's partly your fault?
I don't know.

):

I don't know anymore ):

Why do i get so angry?
I can't control.

Its just not...fair to you...
just so..
wrong....

);

Sorry...
will you forgive me?

~Elixian

[ We were catching stars as they fell upon this world ]

2010-08-15T20:16:00.000+08:00

Falling from the Stars by hrzn; Deviantart.com

Dearly Beloved

This week wasn't the best week, i suppose?
But i had fun.
Went prawning with some friends.

Got mad at silly things.
Happy for many moments.

I just changed a phone~!
i feel happy (:

Thanks Daddy~

And in 2 days..
It's gonna be a special day

But sadly I'd be spending it at work.
Ah well..
We can wait till the next day ♥

♥♦♣♠ ▬ ♠♣♦♥
I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go,
These words are my heart and soul~
I'll hold on to this moment you know,
'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go
♥♦♣♠ ▬ ♠♣♦♥

Just to make you happy;

~I Love You~

♠♣♦♥ Elixian ♥♦♣♠

[ Nightmare ]

2010-08-08T12:46:00.000+08:00

http://garcya.us/blog/amaizing-love-vectors

Nightmare

I had a nightmare yesterday night.
I dreamed that you forgot about me,
I dreamed that you found someone else.
I dreamed that you left me for someone else.

I dreamed that I was lost and i was running in circles.

----------------------------------------------------------

Discussions, Arguments, Wants & Needs

I started a discussion with my mom last night.
It went well, we were starting to understand.
I thought to myself:
"Hey, maybe this IS going somewhere."
But i was wrong.

It ended with me, losing that "fight".
It ended when i cried.
It ended when i decided I didn't want to talk anymore.

Why did you have to butt in?
You said:
"you are you and your sister is your sister"

But you don't treat us like that.
At least not me.

You don't accept me.
You don't trust me enough.
You don't believe in me.

You want me to be you.
But i wanna be me.
You don't accept "me"
So how am i suppose to go on?

Please, all i ever wanted:
was that you would believe me, trust me
Return me that freedom i want so badly

I told you:
"The more the freedom that is given to me, the more i feel i need to come back to you"

It works like a pulley.
If you aren't willing to let go of the string,
You'll never see your bucket come down.

You'll never see me come back down to you.
You want me to be you.
Then you have to give sacrifices too.

Not only me.
You have to give up something too.

):

I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know what to say to you.

I love you but i can't show you.
I love you but you can't see it.
I love you so much it hurts.

Please Mommy and Daddy,
Just for once, see things in my view.
Don't think about what you think.
Throw away your impressions, your opinions.

Just see me as me.

Then perhaps, then, you'll finally know why i cry.
Why i am sad.
Why i don't understand you.

----------------------------------------------------------

Darling

"Things only go wrong when i am there"
Its not true.
If it is, then why did i even choose to be with you?
Why did i say that you've brought me joy?

It was me that agreed.
It was me that chose this.

So i cannot blame you.
I don't want to see you blame yourself either.

I don't ever plan to leave.
It hurts too much to leave.

I dreamed of you last night.
I dreamed that you were with someone else.
Even within my dreams, i can tell:
"I'm sad, why are you not here?"

):

I felt scared in that dream.
Somehow, i run about looking at you from behind.
You never noticed me.

Just the thought of seeing you with someone else...
I don't want to think about it.

I wished my parents can understand.
I wished that they won't question me.
I wish they would just believe.
I wished that I have my freedom.

«~♥~»

And yes,

I really love you

~♠♣♦♥Elixian♥♦♣♠~

[ Pitiful Dreams ]

2010-08-05T01:14:00.000+08:00

Today i was pretty bad i guess?

I cried very hard today.

sigh ):

Well, changed a blog skin (:

Shall update another time. ^ ^

~Ëlïxïañ.

[ Will you come and take the sadness away? ]

2010-07-30T21:51:00.000+08:00

Will come to take sadness away by Lora8; Deviantart.com

When did it start?
How will it end?
Will you come and take the sadness away?
Why choose someone you know you won't be with in the end?
What was the reason?

Maybe it's because i love you so much, i wanted to stay.
Maybe that's the reason, to describe how i feel.
To leave may be the best solution, but i want to be with you.
I don't want to leave you, yet..
the only way is to leave...?

I really don't want to.
Save me?
I can't help but think.

so, please, don't let me go...

when you leave me, it just makes me feel like you've never loved me.
i was just there to be there.
the feeling is so strong and it hurts.
As much as you say it.
As much as i know it.
As much as i felt it.
It still hurts.

Its hard.
I don't want to think that you leave me.
I'm scared.

Why am i always the puppet?
But i'll keep my promises.

You deserve better.
Who's the best for you, i don't know.
But i do know it's not me.

It's fine if i suffer, but i don't want to leave you...
but i have to leave you in the end...
it hurts so much...
don't tell me "if it hurts so much, why not just get it over and done with?"
feelings may be temporarily, but memories last for a life time.

I reach out my hands, praying some one will hold it and guide me.
yet no one ever answers my cry.
I don't want to turn around to know you're not behind me anymore.
To turn and see you with someone else.

I don't want to know.
I wish time could stay still.
I rather we stay like this forever.

But i'm selfish.
You should live your life.
I can stay and watch i guess?

Yeah, i should stay and watch.
Maybe life would be better then..

I love you.

♠♣♦♥Elixian♥♦♣♠

[ I am lying ]

2010-07-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

Why did u choose me, if you knew that in the end it'll never be?

Why give me false hope? Why did i agree? Why did i do it when i knew the answer at the end of it?

Why i didn't believe because there was nothing for me to believe in. He has shown me nothing to make my believe he's there.

I see nothing in my future. I don't see anything at all.

I'm sad. Why am i like this?

Why did i put (: or xDD when really, behind the screens i'm crying so hard?

Why did i put that fake mask?

Why did i think that far?

Why did i choose to believe in something that's not real?

Why did you choose me when you know so well in your heart i'm not the one?

Why do i have to be like this?

Why do i have to put on fake masks to show the world "yes, i'm fine (:"

Why do i have to tell people over this blog how i feel?

This proves one thing. No one in this understands me. I wonder why? All i want is something so simple?

I want a simple life, a simple family. A normal life.

please. one last time. i beg of you.

"please let me sleep and never wake up."

17 years of my life. I've found nothing. I see nothing in life. It held no meaning to me. Given to me, it's a waste. Why not give it to some one else who sees meaning and reason in it?

Why give it to someone who can't appreciate it.

I can wait for thousands of years. I'm sure, nothing will come out of it. So please. Will you just grant me this wish. So i may believe in you for once? just before i go?

~Elixian

[ A Place For Purely Memories ]

2010-07-13T23:05:00.001+08:00

Sometimes you listen to a song and think, "this song makes me feel some warmth inside, yet it sounds sad however hopeful?"

I've heard many songs like this, and i really think it's nice. It puts this warm smile on your face. It brings back so much memories.

Happy or sad memories, good or bad times. It's still a piece who i am. It's still part of my life. Something no one can take from me. It'll always remain somewhere in my heart. There's always space for more memories.

Yiruma - River Flows In You

Hahas some older songs, however, still brings back memories when i sat at the grand piano in the school hall playing. Then listening to others play this song. Then many more pieces. Wish i could sit there again and play in the empty hall for those who bother to stop by to listen.

Sometimes, we dream too much. So much so, reality became a dream itself.

~Elixian

[ Believe Me ]

2010-07-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

Don't worry, i'll always be there.

Even if you don't want me to be there. I will stay with you.

Don't feel bad. Because its a choice i've made. I don't mind being the one who gives up. As long as i can see you smile its good enough. I mean, i like to see people smile, so (:

Don't worry, ya?

Just believe me. I can stay with you for your whole life, all you have to do is ask.

Trust me. I will be in your life if you want me to.

I'll stay with you until you want to leave.

If i love you, that's all the more the reason why i should let you go when you find someone else more worthy of you.

Take it that way, ok? :)

~Elixian

[ Thank you ]

2010-06-26T03:39:00.001+08:00

To you:

Thank you for keeping me company
Thank you for being there for me
Thank you for everything you've done so far
Thank you for staying with me even though i don't qualify for so many things
Thank you for staying by my side even though i am so hateful
Thank you for talking to me
Thank you for choosing me over so many other you could have chose
Thank you for being the one who would make me smile

Most of all, thank you for simply being being there, even if you did nothing or said nothing...

I'd like to thank you for so many things even though its been such a short time...

Sweet dreams to you.

I regretted a lot.
I've done a lot of silly things.
I've been an idiot
I've been the fool
I've been the worse
I've been the most demanding when i don't deserve
I've regretted regretting

Most of all, i regretted being with you. So short, yet i've done and said so much to make you worry. I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry. ):

I want to say "goodbye" but i can't bring myself to. Somehow, i can't leave. Yet, i want to.

I don't know what i should be doing.

Where should i be headed. I don't have dreams like yours.

I would love to change. I want to change.

Sometimes, i really feel like saying "goodbye" to this world. Because i feel like if i'm not here, it'll be a better place.

There'll be one less ugly person, one less irritating, annoying, demanding, undeserving person on earth. Someone else better could have taken my place, made them happy, made everyone happy.

I really enjoyed it so much. Now, that i've thought about it, i think that it might just be better this way.

"Thank you, i'm sorry. Good bye."

~Elixian

[ Good Enough... ]

2010-06-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

It's been about... 7 days?

I feel like I'm being such an idiot sometimes.

there is one thing i have stop regretting. However there are many other things i regretted doing.

I don't think i'm good enough for so many reasons.

just that, i don't match up to you.

sigh..): maybe what they said is right? hmmm, i can always improve, no, rather. I HAVE to improve. It's the only way?

How is it that i can improve?

What are the ways i can do to improve?

I've said many things, but none of it is really important.

Oh, I'm hoping i do above average for my term test :\ sigh, WDS B+, a mark away from an A...

Dear you,

What can i do to suit you? I know you read this. I feel bad for not being able to be better. You can say i'm already as good as i am right now but i feel like i need to meet the other people's expectations as well. Ah well, what is your opinion on this? I would like a proper answer...

Constructive comments are always good (:

------------------------------

I noticed I've not update for sometime, hahas and every time i DO update it's something really crap :\

I should improve the content...but then again ): sigh. I don't think i can?

-------------------------------

Java coding
Pseudo codes
History of games
Drawing
Making videos
Maths
Coming up with ideas
Analyzing websites

What else?

-------------------------------

I need to improve. I have to improve.

I'll do it for you.

~Elixian

[ Thoughts ]

2010-06-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

How can everyone be so happy?

Why can't i be just like that?

It's so unfair...is it so much to ask for just that few people? Is it that i'm so hateful?

What did i do wrong? where did i go wrong? How can i change it?

Can i choose this to be a dream? I can't stand it...

I don't want to be here.

It's so hard to be here.

I regretted so much.

I want to leave...

I feel so betrayed. I really want to leave...why can't i leave? ):

I WANT TO LEAVE SO BADLY.

I really don't want to stay here...i really really want to leave...

just let me leave...

as much as i'll regret it later. It's so painful. It hurts so much.

It's not you. It's me.

It's always me.

you were never to begin with...so why?

Why am i like this?!

I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU.

I REALLY HATE YOU.

GET LOST.

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE YOU.

I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU!!!!

please...i really want to just...have a normal life...

this is too much. it's not normal.

as normal as it seems right now.

It's not.

Deep down inside. It hurts.

I can't express how i feel...at least not to you..

~Elixian

[ I promise..i'll come back to you.. ]

2010-05-19T18:00:00.000+08:00

someday...

i would like to see you again

i miss you.

please come back soon...

~Elixian

[ Bang and you're dead ]

2010-05-09T09:11:00.000+08:00

Hello, just a few short words before i leave for lessons.

Friday (7 may)
Was CCN Day in TP.

It was lots of fun (: Check out facebook for the photos!

Poly life is hard to cope but we'll eventually get use to it hahas

Got 2 new songs from Jason! (thanks :D)

One Day I'd Play the Violin like how She Plays the Piano.

one day i'll have something i'll be proud to say it's mine.

~Elixian

[ Courage ]

2010-04-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

There are times in life when we doubt ourselves.

It happens to everyone when they have to make important decisions.

This post here is for someone i know and although i know that this person will not read it. I hope that somehow this person will find it.

We always think that we're never good enough. As you said, in this world you can never be first in everything. It takes a lot of courage to be able to make a decision when you are unclear or doubtful. But in the end you did make a decision, so make the best out of it.

Don't be so negative. This is coming from a person who has cried many many times because she felt that she isn't as good as you. You got to believe in yourself, at least.

You said you have zero confidence. So what made you think i had any?

I have my own doubts too. Whether or not I've picked the right course. I urge you to not to be affect by what people say. Yes we are close to you. And you are the smartest amongst us. I hope you're able to think more.

You said i scold you every time you talk to me. Do you know why?

It is because I am jealous of you. I envy you. Have you ANY idea how badly i wanted to be like you? why i made so many decisions? You may argue against everything I've said here. However, I'd like you to know that, even if my argument here is flawed in as many ways as you can think of, it's not the end.

There's Always A Choice. Even if you made a wrong one, there's always a way out. It's only limited by you alone.

If you are willing to try, it'll work out. Sure you might waste some years studying something you think might not give you a future. But there IS a future. Yes, you can say "It's all about luck" when it comes to getting a job and making it out rich. Having a decent life is hard too. I don't deny it.

You hear me say things like "one day i am gonna be rich!" or "one day i am going to own a big house with a big dog and maids". I dream big. I know there's only that slightest, if not, zero chance of me reaching that.

You are never certain of life. Neither am i. I doubt myself many times. Just that you don't hear me say it. You said i snapped my finger and know what i wanted to study.

I said "follow what you are passionate about." and you tell me "i don't know my passion. I want an ever changing job." I know what you mean. You get bored easily. But life's a bitch you know. They hate us, we can't change that, at least not yet. Who knows you are the one who would change it?

For once, I'd like you to think that you CAN make it. Whatever you're doing it in, though we may not like it, but we'll make it somehow. We may not earn big bucks and be super rich. But isn't a decent life enough?

I'd be happy if i can even HAVE a decent life in future. To be able to support myself financially.

Yeah, yeah. I know, i talk a lot of bullshit right?

Actually, after all this bullshitting, i only wanted to tell you one thing.

"You decide your future. Don't bother regretting it. It'd be a waste of time. You only live ONCE. so even if you hate it. Throw it back in the world's face and tell them "Piss off, i can do it even if i hate it". Makes you feel great doesn't it? heh."

Ah well, i crapped a lot. But honestly. Cheer up. :P

You're old enough to know the facts of this world.

"Change is the only constant"
I hope you'll realize how stupid you have been. And how silly i have become.

~Elixian

[ Pictures ]

2010-04-01T14:04:00.001+08:00

Well, i'm here to update a little.

For each of the phrase/word listed, i'm going to a small picture. It may be a sketch, it might be messy or full. They might not even be complete but they are all just plain expressions.

1. We've Stop Listening
2. Rain
3. Paint Your Dream
4. Voice
5. Freedom
6. Run
7. Hope
8. Answers
9. On the same path that we walked together
10. Crossroads
11. Listen
12. Heart

Well. We'll see...

~Elixian

[ We're always be. ]

2010-03-24T21:01:00.000+08:00

So here we are~

I've got the photos.. hahas but well too many to put up. and i'm lazy so ya =__=

Just a few until next time.

Baron's Beer. Taste nice with orange juice o.o oh on it's own its nice too :D

So, one day me and my sister decided to look through our old photos. Look what we found~!

That's me. My sister says i'm cute o.o

That's my sister. she says she wants her skin from last time xD well, it WAS flawless hahas.

OHOHOH isn't she pretty?! she;s my mom :DDDD she looks so moe~!

Art Section:

Well, got bored. Did a few request from my friend. but bleh.

this one's suppose to be "Jack".

This one's "Jill"

this one.. well i did it for Teddy (: it's a Beary~!

Well that's all for now. I gotta go back to my Darlings~

And angel! hope to see you soon~ :D

~Elixian

[ Karnivii ]

2010-03-23T22:54:00.000+08:00

Hello Hello~

I haven't blogged for some time.

so here i am :D

I'll be blogging as usual soon. Once i smack myself in the face and go turn on my laptop.

I'll be posting a few pictures (~~some of them are REALLY outdated~~) -ahem!-

Well~ as you can see i've put up a new blog skin :)

Yes i'm finally hard working enough to do so hahas. Don't worry, i did retain my old blogskin in one of my mule blogs.

So~ here we go :) It's a new year. School's starting in less than a month (and i can't wait!- cause i'm rotting too much i can't write properly)

Ok! So here are a few things i gotta go ^ ^

1) Update my blog
2) Meet up with my darling angel :D
3) Teach him basic music?
4) Practice my violin
5) Clean up the house (so i get extra pocket money hahaha)
6) Draw and colour "Jill"
7) Practice more on the tablet
8) Gain a new style
9) Master drawing body figures
10) Draw with markers/pencils :D

Well that's all so far. If anyone's reading this blog, please leave a tag. Don't have to say anything. Try not to be lazy please ): cause my blog seems to be dead. no one's tagging or anything..sigh. So yeah, a little help here? Just tag me "hi" or seomthing.

Just need to know that someone's reading. Or at least visited. It gets kinda lonely that no one bothers to come here anymore..

So yeah...

~Elixian

Karnivii - Because we're all dreamers

[ Emotions ]

2010-03-21T21:51:00.000+08:00

We're probably too tired to care now. Or maybe just too far apart.

~Elixian.

Karnivii?

[ Some..Quiz thingy ]

2010-03-14T22:07:00.000+08:00

1.) Have you ever been asked out?
As in which one?

2.) Where was your default picture taken?
(i'll just ignore this one..)

3.) What's your middle name?
Erm..?

4.) Your current relationship status?
Single

5.) Does your crush like you back
Don't have one right now~ :P

6.) What is your current mood?
Scared counted?

7.) What color of underwear are you wearing?
Er..skin colour.

8.) What color shirt are you wearing?
409 Tee...so it's white and yellow?

9.) Missing something?
Yeah.

10.) If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
Never agreed to that on that freaking day = =

11.) If you must be an animal for one day, what?
Eh..I wanna be an eagle. I wanna fly (x

12.) Ever had a near death experience?
Yes...somewhat.

13.) Something you do a lot?
Gaming gaming gaming, surfing the net, MSN,tv.. eh eating and breathing :D

14.) The song stuck in your head?
None really...

15.) Who did you copy and paste this from?
Ethel :P

16.) Name someone with the same birthday as you?
My second uncle from mom's side :D

17.) When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday.

18.) Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Yes.

19.) If you could have one super power what would it be?
Rewind Time and yet remember what went on in the future.

20.) What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Smile/personality.

21.) What do you usually order from starbucks?
Depends on my mood .-.

22.) What's your biggest secret?
If i tell you it won't be a secret right?

23.) Favorite color?
White...(atm)

24.) Do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
Once in a while when i have nothing to do.

25.) What's on your walls?
Erm..clock and air con..?

26.) What are you?
Human...i guess?

27.) Do you speak any other language?
Erm..English, Chinese and Cantonese..well a little >__>

28.) What's your favorite smell?
As long as it doesn't smell bad, it's fine.

29.) Describe your life in one word.
Screwed.

30.) Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Nah~

31.) What are you thinking about right now?
omg omg omg omg omg omg omg i'm SO dead. *faints*

33.) What should you be doing?
Nothing..i'm having holidays till Poly starts....

34.) Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
Myself.

35.) How often do u talk to God?
Very often recently..

36.) Do you like working in the yard?
Well depends~

37.) If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Karnivii

38.) Do you act differently around the person you like?
Perhaps, but probably not really.

39.) What is your natural hair colour?
Black

40.) Who was the last person to make you cry?
Myself.

~Yes i was bored .-. sigh...

~Elixian.

[ Karnivii ]

2010-03-14T20:20:00.001+08:00

I love my psp~ hahas

Well that's not what i'm really here for.. = = but yeah..

It's all happening a little too fast.. I'm kinda scared. Actually i'm freaking out.

Help? haha~

Ah well~

I feel i'm going insane lately..i can't help it but this long holidays are driving me insane..

):

I feel sick. I hope that i AM sick and it's nothing more. Cause at least then i can recover. But if i go insane, i can't recover. Or the chances of it is really little..

Tell me tell me~ what should i do?

~Elixian

ohhh btw~ i love the "word" Karnivii :D doesn't it soudn cool?

[ Belle Of The Boulevard ]

2010-03-04T15:24:00.000+08:00

Belle of the boulevard - Dashboard confessional

Down in a local bar
Out on the Boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you from sinking
It's a long way down, It's a long way

Back like you never broke
You tell a dirty joke
He touches your leg
And thinks He's getting close
For now you let him
Just this once
Just for now
And just like that
It's over.

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
But keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

In all your silver rings
In all your silken things
That song you softly sing
Is keeping you from breaking
It's a long way down, it's a long way

Back here you never lost
You shake the shivers off
You take a drink
To get your courage up
Can you believe it?
Just this once
Just for now
And just like that
It's over

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
But keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

Please hold on, it's alright
Please hold on, it's alright
Please hold on

Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry you eyes
Don't be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

~Elixian

(: It'll always brighten up my day.

[ Anger ]

2010-02-21T20:06:00.000+08:00

I feel pissed. Today sucks.

Things that pissed me off today:
1) Had to wake up early.
2) feet ached
3) Ipod died just because i didn't sync it for a few months =.="
4) laptop lost the sync file because i didn't turn it on for a few months.
5) Dad hogged my computer THANKS to my DEAR SISTER.
6) I'm just pissed.

Oh, i bought a psp...but whatever, it doesn't help when i'm pissed off. The battery doesn't really last anyways =.=

About 3~4 hours of gaming straight and it dies. Sheesh.

~Elixian

[ So What If We Were Falling? ]

2010-02-16T21:10:00.001+08:00

I've got nothing much to say..

I had a dream today.

That dream was about you.

But in that dream,

you became my nightmare.

So what will become of me?

I feel scared ): I always wonder why I _ _ _ _ you. Then why i _ _ _ _ you. now i feel like i'm falling. You're never there. You'll never be.

that day has passed. It's been a Year and 2 Days. I don't know why. But i really _ _ _ _ you now.

You won't be like you were that time. You won't even remember what you promised me. I don't think that you'll ever _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Not possible anyways.

It's so ironic. But i wished you were _ _ _ _.

Like last year. Although it _ _ _ _. But i know i ever _ _ _ _ _ _ _ it.

You'll never read this. Even if you do, you won't care.

Cause right now, we're just _ _ _ _ _ _ _, maybe even _ _ _ _.

I really _ _ _ _ you.

would you just come back and give me a hug? ):

~Elixian

I bought a Lenka album :O!

[ Year ]

2010-02-12T22:34:00.000+08:00

Finally finished my job lols~

Tiring..but i feel good (: hahas.

I feel so bad...and lately been thinking so much about what a friend said...

"stereotypical girl who is every guy's friend but never finds a guy for herself"

Really...?

I miss my teddy ):

I wants a hug from juu please~ But it's kinda impossible, huh?

Almost a Year since then. ah well~ it's Chinese New Year~! Gotta be happy!!!

Well~ Happy chinese new year people~!!

sorry i keep forgetting to post the photos...i haven't got time. i'll do it soon >__<

(since my blog is dead and not-visited, it doesn't matter...)

~Elixian Elea Viln

[ Fuck you ]

2010-01-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

By the way..just to let you know..

FUCK YOU BLOGGER.

DID you know how FREAKING long i TOOK to correct your LOUSY HTML reading system?! FUCK YOU.

YOU SUCK. No wonder people HATE using you!

what a ROYAL pain in the ARSE

~Elixian

I really need to kill blogger ):<

[ Cheat ]

2010-01-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

hahas so i haven't been updating my blog again.

I felt lazy.

This only brings me back to as far as my handphone calendar brings me. My memory nowadays is screwed =__=

6 January 2010 - Outing with Darylene

So i went out with Darylene and Adeline to TYP swimming complex to swim? o.o

nothing very interesting about that day i guess

11 January 2010 - O levels results

Hahas I can somewhat remember this day...but just barely?

hmm, woke up late as usual..went to school early. met loong guat who went to amk hub with me to buy me a drink 8D (thanks!) and then met duan kai to eat lunch then back to school right on time (x hahas

then results~!

Top student was from 406 Melvin (it was kinda of a shock to me, but when think about it, it's so much more possible!) hahas next in line was see min (: then xiu yi! (grats my lao gong~!)

hahas i'm kinda happy with my own results don't know about the others...

English B3 (like omg!!!)
E Math A2 (i'm so disappointed with this!!)
A Math B3 (i'm seriously pissed about this grade)
SS/Geog B4 (lols or was it 3? i can't rmb)
Physic B4 (what a surprise hahas)
Biology C5 (lols i'm happy~!)
Chemistry C6 (i actually passed lol!!!)
Chinese C6 (meh, i'm happy)

i think that's all oh and

CCA - A1

lols that's the only A1 i've got >__<>

11 January - 15 January 2010 - Angel and Wei Jun Outing

Ok i can't really remember anything..but i know i went out with Wei Jun to school and lunch then met angel. They both came to my house lols. And well wei jun entertained my sister hahas. Angel herself came to my house 3 times during these few days xDD

Ah well~ it was fun (:

17 ~ 19 January 2010 - Chalet, Violin Class, Gig

Sunday was a completely SQUASHED day for me..

i woke up late as usual hahas~! then played com a little before going out at 3:15pm ish

when i got to the MRT i realised i forgot my shoulder rest =.= got my mom to bring it to me and off i went to meet wei kwang and the rest for his band's performance at the black hole (or something i can't rmb =.=) at Farrer Park (:

Damn i am pissed =__= firstly, i didn't get to see them perform cause they were pushed back (due to some weird reason?) i think they were pushed back about 2 bands? =__=

i stayed for an hour inside a black room, having my ears being burst >__<>

So Day 1 of Chalet - Movie Marathon~

Hahas didn't sleep at all that day..ok i did, for about 2 hours. From 5:30am ish (after the movie marathon) to about 6:30am ish? then i slept again in the afternoon for a bit...i got a neck ache from sleeping on the sofa..i shared that sofa with alvin..sheesh >__<

Day 2 of Chalet - Outing in the Rain

Yup, we went out in the afternoon, but it rained, so meh nothing interesting and went back. Oh Mrs Ang and Ms Foo visited!!! (x hahas miss them a lot...

hahas ok so.. didn't sleep again...oh i enjoyed that bicycle ride in the night with chao ngin :D hahas

then...erm..well..nothing much =__=

Day 3 of the Chalet - Checking Out

Well it wasn't long. Xiu Yi told me to wake up at 8 o.o so my alarm rang and i over slept a little..woke up at 8:30am..wondered why everyone was still asleep so i woke william and asked him if i am to wake everyone..

So in the end i did lols. i slept for about 2 hours also...

after checking out, went home with Jethro hahas. Took a long bus ride and Jethro kept falling asleep o.o well it wasn't that long i guess...about 30~40mins? o.o

went home at about 12:00ish then a quick change of clothes and off i went to buy lunch at central and meet up with a friend (:

Spend time with him till about 2:00pm and sent him off at the bus stop hahas he was meeting another friend to play i think... (lols so free)

went home, started playing computer (amazingly) i fell asleep in front of the computer, then i shifted to my bed and slept a little more, ate dinner, played computer a little more and pissed off my sister and slept hahas.

To that friend: Lols, you failed again :P here's a little clue: the same place, different actions and be creative and unique (: don't get impatient hahas :) if i'm in the mood i'll tell you more next time hahas although it'll kill the fun.

then~!!!!

20 January 2010 - Bored...

Well~ i woke up at 1:00pm >__> seriously..

Sorry alvin for replying you so damn late >__<

erm..well, today's kinda boring. Oh i downloaded GE into my lappie hahas it works! like omg it doesn't lag!! hahas used the original resolution and stuff, just minus one part of the graphics and it worked like a charm (: heh.

My other computer broke down =__= finally...but damn but files are in there!!!

sigh.. ah well~

surfed the net and stuff.

Oh i'm really interested in Hacking and Cheat Systems now...anyone wants to contribute and teach me? hahas xDD

Till next time!! i'm going off to see my sister play (: Photos will be up next time~!!!

~Elixian

[ Welcoming 2010 ]

2010-01-01T14:40:00.000+08:00

WHOOHOOO~!!!! can't believe it, another year has passed...soon we'll be collecting our GCE O level results... (i'm nervous!) ah well.. on to the events for today (:

29 December 2009 - Movie Outing

Yup~! went for a movie with Jordon, Alvin, Jethro and Nixon. Sheng Yao for some reason didn't come? and Chris had work so didn't join us ): Ah well~ anyways~!!!!

We went to Woodlands Cathay to watch Avatar (: It was a long movie, but it's worth it. It's nice~! well, although some parts i feel it's a little..weird? but over all, it's a movie i don't mind watching again.

My family plans to watch this Avatar 3D xD lols but it's cool. (: hehe

After Avatar, went to Jethro's house to watch another movie lols "Final Destination". Its so weird? it's a whole movie on "that many different ways to kill people (:" yeah. Basically, everyone just dies lols. Also in some ways that is completely impossible =__= cause everything has to be in place? lols like wth.

Went home and usual stuff happens...another day (:

30 December 2009 - Interesting Stories.

Nothing too exciting today. Woke up freaking late. Sis went out with grandma and had interesting stories to tell hahas xDD

Went to school for an event in the afternoon..nothing much though =__= was completely lost in that event lols. Then..went home and here comes the interesting parts.
My sis was telling the family about her outing with my grandma xD hehe. They apparently, was at tpy to eat the chicken rice. At first they were at the right row of stores. Then they, fo some odd reasons, moved to the next row. So they decided on congee? My sister partically queued at the store for 30ish minutes. Can't remember...

Then after they ate, they saw this person walking past them with the chicken rice. My grandma asked if that was the chicken rice they wanted to eat, of course my sister was saying "nah, there are many chicken rice stores here, probably just another one (in cantonese)" So they walked over to the original row they were in.

best, they noticed that the guy, was really buying the chicken rice at THAT store that THEY originally WANTED to eat lols. My grandma after that (in a really zai fashion LOL) dragged my sister across 4 lanes of streets saying "don't need to be afraid, i'll bring you over. Just raise your hand, the cars will stop for you!! (in cantonese, yet again)." my sister freaked out LOL. The best part is, that when they cross the 4 lanes, a taxi turned left, my grandma really just raise her hand and continue walking/dragging my sister across. The taxi really stop for her to cross.

hahas. Ah well, many more stories, but meh, i'm too lazy to type it out lols. well, it's another day~ ^ ^

31 December 2009 - Welcoming 2010

It's kinda sad that 2009 is ending. It's so fast!!! another year has passed ): sigh...

I don't think anything much happened. Parents were on a half day off, they went shopping while me and my sister were, well, playing the ps3 together, yet again =__= until dinner time, went out to eat. Was really nice~!!! ((:!!!

hahas boring day, nothing much, meh :P

1 January 2010 - Hello 2010~!!

Well, woke up late this morning.. (yet again). But nevermind that. Watched my sister play DMC again on her ps3. then mom told me to claim my own undies, so i did and i even cleared out hers and my sister's =__= (sis ~~was~~ IS in a FREAKING bad mood) WTH.

I was polishing the piano (it's HER piano, btw). Wasn't my job, but i did it anyways. So i was telling my mom

"mommy, you last time didn't polish nicely lor!! can see the spots" it's a fact. i'm not kidding =__= it's not finger prints, its clearly the spots from using too much polish and not really polishing it right. It's not that i'm saying my mom doesn't KNOW how to polish, rather just telling her she didn't bother to do it right the last time. (my sister doesn't get it).

so my sister kept saying "you see? she's looking down on you! telling you that you don't know how to polish"

So insisted i'm not insulting her. but really, i didn't have that intention at all. So there i was cleaning and polishing. My sister said "no one told you to polish or clean right?! i do things at my own timing. i didn't tell you to do =__="

that was in response to my mom's "after you finish polishing can go take $50 from your sister hahas"

=___= LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. SERIOUSLY. ASSHOLE. my sister is really annoying me. she must be pms-ing again =__= argh.

hais ): anyways, i just continued to polish. Until FINALLY, my sister has enough sense to stop playing her game and come over.

provoked me. "so what's your secret to polishing, huh?"

I just told her, "firstly, just use that duster and clean, then another cloth to clean it more, then use cotton bud to take off the small corners your finger can't reach with a cloth, then polish lor.."

easy right? =__=i know that any one knows this. I know that i don't have to be an instrument IC to do it. I know i don't even have to PLAY a FREAKING instrument to know HOW TO POLISH. (isn't she such a pain?)

So she started cleaning the keys (actually my mom did a even better job at cleaning the keys =__= at least she cleans 1 key at a time, my sis just runs it through. did even clean it.) She kept claiming her piano is clean and dust free (honestly, before i cleaned it, you can write words and draw pictures on her piano's dust) of course after i cleaned it, it'll look damn nice. (isn't that the point?)

then she wanted to use some thinner? (iuno how you spell that) to "polish" her padels =__= like come on idiot. Using that WILL remove your dirty stuff on your padels but it won't polish it shiny. So i told her to use the metalso (however you spell that) it cleans/shines metal. Used for polishing brass instruments. (every one in ~~band~~ in the world [so she claims that everyone knows how to polish] knows that)

So whatever. Normally, at least how i remember i used it to polish the hand bells in the band room, we'll just put a layer of that polish on the instrument and let it dry off a little then using a cloth go in a circular motion and clean it off and it'll shine and get cleaned. But she, ~~just put it on the pedal~~, oh wait she didn't, she just put it on TOP of the pedal and rubbed it with a cloth and clean off. It obviously did nothing..ok maybe a little more? but if she put a layer over it it'll shine even more i'm sure.

ok, maybe i'm wrong there. But whatever. I'm pissed. I polished 90% of her piano, except the keys (which i planned to clean after she's gone) and the pedal (cause i'm too pissed off with her). seriously...

My mom came to check on us. mom commented "it's hard to clean this piano, the surface not even de it'll leave leave a lot of spots."

it's not like i disagreed. The piano had a nice varnished finishing, which makes it shiny. It's black, so it's easy to spot prints. But i know i did a good job on most of the parts i polished/cleaned. There wasn't any spots. well, barely.

I told my mom, "its because you polish wrongly ma..."

and my sister had to butt in and say "see?! she keep saying you are doing it wrongly. you don't need to be a IIC to know how to polish ok? anyone in the world knows how to polish."

well, i know. so FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. i don't NEED YOU TO TELL ME. and i know i DON'T NEED to be a FREAKING IIC to know how to polish. It just that i know a little more than you. You're just not happy aren't you? Stupid. =__=

You ruined my day.

you say you'll polish your piano on your own? Since when have you ever done that? It's always MOM that CLEAN AND POLISH YOUR piano. NOT YOU.

Even i have polished YOUR piano. You've NEVER ONCE done it. at least you've NEVER ONCE finished polishing your WHOLE PIANO on YOUR own. OK?!

Don't talk about the piano. you can say i play it too, so i have to clean. Fine. i agree.

What abuot your study table? i don't use it. Mom doesn't use it, dad too. Only you use it. You didn't even bother to clean. It has ants crawling all over. you just leave stuff there. When mom tells you to clean, you'll say it's clean, don't need. THERE'S FREAKING ANTS ON IT.

i agree i do that too, but HELLO? my doesn't have ANTS. =__= mine's at least CLEANER than YOURS.

MORON.

you seriously piss me off. I wish you can see this. and freaking think about it. I know i can't win against you in a war of words. but at least i know that i'm not as wrong as you.

Venting my anger and screaming at you is wrong. i know. but at least i don't go provoking you and telling you that you look down on people.

You want to know how i feel?

I feel that you are just jealous that i'm doing a better job at cleaning and polishing your piano. and that i'm more right cause i'm at least doing something to make up for waking up late.

oh and, you tend to judge people wrongly. Also, your worse mistake.

You look down on people. I mean seriously, you do. Just because you are smarter it doesn't mean anything. You have a brighter future which you take for granted. I have to work for it.

Stupid. You are the one who is TRULY stupid.

Silly, moronic, freak, asshole, fucker, stupid, nincompoop, fake. I know my vocab isn't good. But you get the meaning. So there.

Go reflect on yourself sometimes. You are the weird one. Not me.

At least i know how to reflect on my mistakes. At least when i reflect i know i'm wrong. And i know how to say "i'm sorry" even though it's hard to say sometimes.

You, are different. You'll never say sorry to me. You'll never say you're wrong to me and you'll always look down on me. You'll always think you're better than me. You are the arrogant one. proud.

at the end of the day. I want you. YOU. to go and reflect on yourself.

For once, do it. And keep doing it.

It helps you change.

You are really the one with "no life". GOT IT?! =___=

sheesh.

Its no wonder why people think i'm the older sister and you're younger. Its because you are more childish than me. i admit it may be because i look older, cause i'm taller. but deep down, at least i'm not as kiddish as you are. spending 16 years of my life with you. i know. i don't mention it doesn't mean i'm not aware.

You can say i'm wrong about you. And refuse to change. But at least, that's as much as i can tell about you. Dear sister.

~Elixian

[ Screams ]

2009-12-28T20:22:00.000+08:00

YO PEEPOS~! hahas yes i haven't updated (yet again) for a long time =__= This time i'm gonna update all the events that has happened so far ((: here we gooooooooooooooooo

21 December 2009

Took this out of boredom while working :P

22~23 December 09

I got a horrible rash out of no where and i scratched till my whole body was swollen =__=

Cuts from my nails :x

a little blur but it's really just the begining of the swelling :x

This was before i went to bed...

Didn't manage to sleep that night...it got go bad my whole arm was swollen lols. Felt terrible... ): ah well~ it's all gone~!!!!

24 December 09 (xmas eve~!!!)

In the morning i went out with darylene to the beach~ ;D it was raining when we met up so we walked about the shopping centre lols then went to the beach hehe.

"Vie dans un cauchemar"

Can you read this? xD i drew it :3

hahas funny but ah well...it's meant for no one..

It says "today will be a happy day for darylene" hehe ((: and it was!!!

We walked there to scream xD

Looks nice O:

Went to look for Adeline at her work place after the beach~! hahas

In the afternoon i was suppose to go to Wen Zhen's xmas party but i was stinky and dressed indecently =__= (singlet and short + slippers). So darylene went with me to meet wen zhen to tell her that i wasn't going anymore :x and on our way there something really interesting happened xD

This lady walked up to us and asked us "can you speak chinese?" (in chinese)

At first i thought that she was lost and needed to find her way around but since the signs were in english i predicted she couldn't read it and asked us. But she said...

"we are a company of producers (can't rmb what she said exactly..) and we're promoting (something....) and we hope you can leave your number with us? can you help us advertise???

darylene laughed so hard. i was completely lost =__= but it was funny lol. funny thing is that why us of all ppl? We're both dressed in singlets, shorts and slippers? LOLs so many other ppl of our age are well dressed there and perhaps look even prettier than us...?

But we rejected her of course lols. So the statement i wrote at the beach was correct~!!!! hehe

((:

28 December 09 - 208 class outing

today was GREAT~!! [minus the being drowned part =_=] Hahas yup, it's the 3rd 208 class outing~!!!! hehe i can't wait for next year's one lols.

So we met up at 10:30am~11:00am. waited and waited till about 11:45am? got on the bus and took a looooooooooooooooong ride to east coast park ;P got there, ate lunch, walked about a while back and forth and finally settled down xDD hahas.

So we started playing in the water.. Fran, Xiu yi, Chun Heng, Desmond, Wei Kwang, Ming Yi, Duan Kai and me. hahas. Was fun to see frans always getting dragged into the deeper parts and "captured" by the 3 boys? lols they kept asking duan kai to say "i love fran" LOLs xDDDD

well, i got captured once? o.o probably >__> but i almost drowned this year )): hais... was helping xiu yi (don't blame you at all ;P hahas it's ok) to get to fran since im' taller and i can support her.but at one point i stepped on a large rock and screamed cause it wasn't only a rock =__= it was slimmy and ticklish? must have been sea weed and some weird shell thingys i saw on the beach on the rocks =__= EW.

Xiu in desperate attempts to save me, pushed me down and drowned me farther ._. at least in the end i managed to save her and myself @___@ (it's good to be tall at points like these) ah well, my fault ): but sigh...

Oh well~ it was fun~ ((: hehe. Sorry for making angel wait :\ and well...yeah ): the last few to leave the waters are frans, desmond, duan kai, dennis and me lols. i got pulled out quite a few times =__= cause xiu wants to stay with fran and i just wanted to join in the fun hahas. i got a few nasty cuts from the rocks there =__=

there's one that's about 1mm deep and 1 cm long? :x another just a minor scratch about 1cm ish with some weird hole at the end? hmmm i was bleeding lols. my hand too just a small cut that bleed =__= In the end, it is always enjoyable~ hahas

Next year i think i'll plan a trip to sentosa instead .__. so we don't get cuts as much :x and a squid (yup you read it right it was a SQUID LOL) attacking the 3 boys and frans who screamed and screamed o.o

In the end i went home first while the others remained on the bus to amk ;P iuno if anyone got off before amk but yeah. The guys were talking about going to play lan :P so hahas.

Xiu, Jolene and Fran are gonna have dinner if i'm not wrong ((: Well~~ OVER ALL.

I love 208'07~!!! ♥

well~ until next time <:

~Elixian

[ Freaking Pain ]

2009-12-20T11:26:00.000+08:00

ARGH. ok i know i haven't updated my stuff yet .__. for a some times >___>

anyways ._. i'm sick..so yeah >__> ah well~

update update~

-line break!! O:!-

Outing with Angel, Jordon, Alvin and Nixon? o.o

Forgot the day..but went out with angel first to collect her pay O: and then to serangoon to eat xD and then to amk for kbox with the guys o.o

My treat to angel (:

Hahas

On some random day...

Took this, cause it's my sister' new favorite pencil case =.=

16 December - Outing with joseph and xmas party

Went to City Hall, walked to Raffles Place and Then to Bugis @___@ (was a phototaking outing thingy @.@)
Then Joseph brought me to Hougang and bought food and met up with Laiman, Chris and Yong Zhi to go for the xmas party.

Random shots :D

4 shots :P didn't really connect but ah well~

The sky was really nice!

hahas who knew singapore had such a nice place o.o

bugis-iluma i think o.o

the Flats that gave me 2 blisters :D

Random shots .-.

Sky was getting dark ):

From laiman's friend's house o.o

I use to come here often...as in this junction.

Hahas i wanted to take the tree o.o

guitar O:

Oh the game we were playing xD hahas

well, from this day onwards, i've gotten myself a horrible stomachache which i predict was food poisoning =.=

and mom finally agreed to let me learn violin :D hahas don't feel like quitting it anymore. I mean, for once, i wanna learn an instrument professionally (: i don't really count the piano and guitar ._. cause i don't have a cert for them although i can play >__> ah well~ clarinet? hmm..well, i played it for 4 years...but it's not really a solo instrument? xD hahas

oh well :3

~Elixian

[ Thoughts ]

2009-12-10T20:23:00.000+08:00

Hey~ well i'm back :D

Tmr going to kbox with the guys again and hopefully angel~ haha

Something got me thinking.

But it's a little funny.

"we should meet up less often"

i wonder if different people have different methods of dealing with problems? that is problems of the same ending and solution?

ok, it's a silly question.

ah well~ stupid thoughts xDD ahahas~

--------------------------------

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time

奥華子 - 変わらないもの

kaerimichi fuzakete aruita
wake mo naku kimi wo okoraseta
ironna kimi no kao wo mitakattanda

ookina hitomi ga nakisou na koe ga
ima mo boku no mune wo shimetsukeru
surechigau hito no naka de kimi wo oikaketa

kawaranai mono sagashiteita
ano hi no kimi wo wasure wa shinai
toki wo koeteku omoi ga aru
boku wa ima sugu kimi ni aitai

gaitou ni burasageta omoi
itsumo kimi ni watasenakatta
yoru wa bokutachi wo toozakete-itta ne

mienai kokoro de uso tsuita koe ga
ima mo boku no mune ni hibiteiru
samayou toki no naka de kimi to koi wo shita

kawaranai mono sagashiteita
ano hi mitsuketa shiranai basho e
kimi wo futari de yukeru no nara
boku wa nando mo umarekawareru

katachi nai mono dakishimeteta
kowareru oto mo kikoenai mama
kimi to aruita onaji michi ni
ima mo akari wa terashi-tsudzukeru

kawaranai mono sagashiteita
ano hi no kimi wo wasure wa shinai
toki wo koeteku omoi ga aru
boku wa ima sugu kimi ni aitai

boku wa ima sugu kimi ni aitai

------------

We joked around on our way home.
I made you angry for no reason.
I guess I just wanted to see your different sides.

Your large eyes, your trembling voice,
Even now they are close by my heart.
In the crowd of strangers, I ran after you.

I was searching for the things that never change.
I will never forget how you were on that day.
These feelings I have transcend time.
I just want to meet you now.

These feelings upon which the street lights shine,
I could never manage to let you have them.
The nights brought us further away from each other.

The lie you told through your opaque heart,
Even now it continues to resonate within me.
Uncertain of our future, you and I fell in love.

I was searching for the things that never change.
The unfamiliar place we found on that day,
If the two of us can go there together again,
I will be reborn as many times as it takes.

As I embrace the things that have no shape,
I fail to hear the breaking sound.
On the same path that we walked together,
Even now the light continues to shine.

I was searching for the things that never change.
I will never forget how you were on that day.
These feelings I have transcend time.
I just want to meet you now.

I just want to meet you now.

~Elixian

[ Hong Kong Trip & Sentosa Outing ]

2009-12-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

Be Warned!!

The following post will be FULL of PHOTOS thus it would be REALLY long :D do look away once in a while or simply skip to the bottom ^ ^ Thanks.

1st December - 5th December 09

Hong Kong Trip with my family :DD hahas. well most of the photos are in the camera, but i've got a few myself ^^

Here are the photos.

Taking the cable car (:

My sister with dad's cam lol

family photo! but dad isn't looking D:

Cable car 8DD!!!

Cool right? hahas you can actually trek up the mountains!!

You'll find this at the end of the cable car ride ^^

Climbing up (: then we get to pray O:

The view is FAB from up there (:

some sweet coconut thingy we ate after the climb o.o

On our way to the boat ticketing place o.o

At Macau (: Venitian i think i can't rmb =.=

Cool right?! the ceiling is so nicely done up!

the boat thingy~ you can ride it :D

This place is GRAND! :D

The ceiling is really grand. Just below this is the casino and it stinks Dx smoking is bad ;___;

the expensive dessert i ate lol

The streets of HK (:

Waiting for the train (:

My ticket haha

the train goes 45 degree up!! @___@

the view up there was rewarding (:

sis and i up on the mountains lol ^^

Last day of shopping lols

This place is cool~ the decos are great.

The Plane :OO

My passport and ticket lols

on the plane home, just before we have to turn off our phones xDD

6 December 09

Went to grandma's house for dinner ^^

Photos lol

hahas my sis and i got bored .-.

whee~~~

haha grandma's home~!

7 December 09

Outing with Tammy, Alvin Laiman, Jordon, Alvin Phua, Dennis and Chris at sentosa :DD lols damn fun ^ ^

First met at vivo, bought snacks, ate lunch etc and then off to sentosa to play all day lols xDDD
spent a lot of time there. went out from 12nn till 10:30pm :P hahas i wanna go again!!!

Photos are all taken by Alvin Laiman (:

Our stuffs~ :P

Building sand castles lols

Alvin and chris :D hahas

the view's nice :D

Tammy and Jordon's idea of digging a deep hole :O that's dennis and tammy :)

Jordon's watching them build the castles? o.o (i was in the water the whole time >>)

Jordon and Tammy :DD

Dennis digging the hole :OO

That's me in the water >__> sheesh

Tammy and Dennis hahas we dug deep~!

:D

That's jordon and me o.o

Alvin and his sand castle

haha

Carefully now alvin!!!

OOO: cool

haha Jordon

oh tammy's turn to dig :D

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!

OO:

hahas they're pretty good at it @__@

Look! we dug deep. It had water xDDD

hahas xD fun in the water!!

TWIST!!!

:D

lols

BUILD!

Weird game tammy wanted to play lols i'm carrying alvin =.= sheesh.

hahas

we pretended to drown o.o

we drank a lot of water xDDD

hahas i think we just finished 1 round of the game :O

feeding time? o.o

We're hungry!!!

Lol violent moments >__<

Haha well here ends it all~ i'll update a little later again :P
I wanna go to sentosa again with them!!! omg it was FUN! and surprisingly my mom didn't scold me for going home at 10:30pm xDDD lols that's a first :DDD

~Elixian

[ The Girl Who Leapt Through Time ]

2009-12-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

I watched a really good show (:

"The Girl who leapt through time" - 2006

watched it on the plane haha i loved it ^^

sadly they didn't show the ending hahas. It's touching ((:

Get this widget

Track details

eSnips Social DNA

Here's the theme song for it~

Well update the trip some other day when i'm not in the mood for "i miss my computer"

~Elixian

[ Band Outing ]

2009-11-27T16:38:00.000+08:00

Hey~~ :D

Yup here i am to update on the events happening recently :)

So firstly, there's Amira and Angel coming over to my place to borrow court shoes and also a white blouse from my sister and me. As well as to alter the skirt for amira (:

Some photos~

Amira in the clothes she borrowed :D

Angel and Amira. Angel keeps hugging that mushroom thru out the whole visit :P

Haha~ Well... then there's the 25 November~ :D

25 November 09

Yup! it's the outing to Sentosa with my darling Symphonic Band :D as well as their BBQ (which i didn't attend sadly D:)

Here's the photos~ :D

Peacock :D

awww it's shy :D

More photos of it :DDD haha

Isn't it pretty?

Went walking about with Loong guat, Gabriel and Sheng yao :P

hahas another one~ :)

Look! birds in the tree :DDD

hahas we were just iches away!! omg they're so cute *-*

Meal time!!!

I forgot which 2 groups this is o.o

On the bus home~

hahas LOOK.

it's a little blur but your can see Yong Zhi and Sheng Yao haha

Jun Yang looking out :O

Shirley! :D isn't she pretty?

Some scene :P

haha more~ we got SO close to the UNIVERSAL STUDIO!! :DD

Then~ the next thing is Daddy's Birthday :DDD yeah, i didn't attend the BBQ because i had to celebrate my daddy's birthday LOL

Photos! :D

The Cake

Without the candles :)

Lighted! :D

Daddy's making a wish :)

family photo :D (yes i'm not there i was taking the photo!)

Whoops^^; i didn't make it in time!

Shot 1~ heart :D

a Nicer Family Portrait <3

26 November 09

It's the computer fair~! i bought myself a system cooler for my laptop to prevent it from over heating and then crashing on me =.=

well no photos but i met 2 friends at the fair :D

Firstly, Lao Zhe Hao, my primary school classmate~ He's working at the msi booth i think :D hahas

Then i saw Wei Jun as i was leaving the fair hahas. Daddy didn't manage to buy his laptop. But we're going again this saturday (:

well that's all! Enjoy :D

btw i'm going to Hong Kong from 1st December to 5th December :) so don't call me or anything. I don't wanna be responsible for expensive phone bills!! but if you do message me, i'll reply (: don't worry.

~Elixian

[ SL Camp~! ]

2009-11-21T23:17:00.000+08:00

hahas ok, i know i haven't updated on the recent SL camp. I was too dead to do it =.=

Well~ here it is~ :D

Oh, there's the events all the way back from Nov 13 2009, the last day of O levels for us pure chemistry students. hahahaha

13 Nov 2009.

So here was the day when at 9am, everyone was screaming the heck outta themselves since o levels is FINALLY over :D

We headed to SL meeting for the camp and then to nixon's house to change and wait for the others before going to seoul garden to eat (:

Laiman's gonna devour it D:! ho noes!

Ice cream :D

Random shots? o.o

Jordon's getting bored of waiting .-.

The Ice cream Tammy and I shared :D isn't it TEMPTING!?

Tammy and I :D Its a lil blur D:!

Was on our way to Sentosa lols~ It's Chris and Ben in the bg eating :P

Nov 14 2009
Today was a busy day. =.= in the morning had to meet up with laiman and Darylene to go shopping. Yes we went a lil crazy thanks to the shopping trip T__T our feets!!!
later in the night i had ushering duty. It's to help out one of my mom's friend. (:

Made it out of boredom...

Bought a mask o.o i look horrid in it. And it's hard to breathe!

Look! it's Benjamin and Wen zhen :D hahas :x

I'm outside waiting to go home after the ushering duty .-.

You can see the row of musicians in the front..

Bought ouran high book 14 on the way back from ushering! :D

While my sister read the book i played with the soft toys :3

15 Nov and 16 Nov
Ahhhhs.... the back breaking days T__T the day i started making Laiman's dress =.=
Started at 2:30pm on 15 and finished at 11+ pm on 16 nov >__>

Sewing machine :D

I had to draw, cut, sew, draw, cut, draw, cut and trace, and cut again, and pin it.

In the end i pricked my finger a good number of times making the dress =.=

17 November 2009
It's the first day of Sl camp for us seniors hahas. Went to school in the morning for COE first though (:

S.Band Grads (: hahas

COE performers :D <3>__>. Firstly, 8 of us went to catch a movie :D hahas it was great~ (: ate some dinner and talked the night away ^ ^

This was after the movie when everyone was bored? it's about 2am i think.

Hahas someone fell asleep :P

This is around 3am, went out to walk on my own. (: too bad my phone isn't good enough to see the stars. It was pretty ^ ^

Nopes i honestly didn't sleep that whole night =.= So in the morning i'm like a zombie. And I did sleep in the SL room for a while. Probably an hour? :\ i'm a grumpy lady when i wanna sleep and you don't let me :x

Hahas SL room. It's our bags. iuno why i took it o.o

That' laiman in the dress. Sadly i didn't get a good photo of it ): sheesh. My hardwork!! hahahaha

Well, over all the camp was good (: and i'm pretty happy with it. I'm almost half dead =.= well, actually i am. And i was sick probably everytime i'm cold >__> so the camp was bad in terms of. "i didn't sleep for 2 days STRAIGHT"

hais... oh well~ (:

Oh..i found out something i think i shouldn't... but then again, if i didn't know, i'd still be lost. So i'm happy to know it. but then again, now i'm at a complete lost of what to do.

"I can survive without you, but i just don't want to."

That's how i feel. But then again...i don't wanna make them feel hurt D: i'm such an idiot. why am i cropping out trouble for others AND myself??

sigh...

How i wish that i wasn't a puppet. But, if i wasn't, i wouldn't have felt that way. but really, honestly.

"I'll be your puppet, you can pull my strings and make me do as you wish. I'll be your puppet as long as you want it. I can be abandoned. But one day, you'll still pick me up and pull my strings. Even if the day that you abandon me comes. I'll still be the puppet and wait for you to pull my strings. Even if it takes a life time. I'll wait."

I wish i was YOUR puppet. ):

~Elixian

[ Puppet ]

2009-11-20T16:43:00.000+08:00

Puppet

I'm coming home to you
I'm coming home to where are you
I'm gonna stand firm,
I will not falter,
I'm gonna go on so i'll reach.

you can pull my strings and make me dance
you can pull my strings and make me sing
you can pull my strings and make me live for you
because i assure you that i'll not falter,
even in the hardest time
I will stand firm,
i shall not falter,
I will stand firm
then chase for my dreams.

And one day, just suddenly
you stop pulling on those strings.
But even when that moment comes,
i shall not falter,
for i will stand strong.
I will grow my wings,
and try to fly to you.
I will grow a heart,
and then i'll give it to you.

So until then,
i'll always be,
just there with you,
pulling my strings,
I will not falter,
i will be strong.
i will be strong.

So here i am,
dreaming fo you.
Hoping that one day,
you'll come.
And take me away,
then pull my strings.
And make me dance
and make me sing.

hahas lookie at the randomness~ ^ ^
I just realised. I have a reason to give up. But also a reason to hold on.
This song has a melody! but i think i'll improve it farther when i get to ^ ^hopefully i remember the tune. It's quite a happy tune :D

~Elixian

[ Ending ]

2009-11-08T20:42:00.000+08:00

Can't believe o levels are gonna end soon. To think it was just a few weeks ago i was going "oh shit o levels"

lols

i don't have much to say but, i'm gonna play a lot once o levels a lot.

And hopefully by then my ankle's all better (:

It's been sprained and hurt and what not for the 7th day now ):

ah well~

update soon i guess lol

~Elixian

[ random ]

2009-11-06T08:10:00.000+08:00

Just something really random:

First we were on the grounds,
looking at the skies wondering if we could ever touch it.
Then we were on that flight to sky.
The scenery was beautiful and breath-taking.
When we took the first leap hand in hand,
I felt fear.
You said nothing but the warm smile on your face said,
"don't be afraid, i'm here with you"
I believed and i went with you.
But there's never a scene where you spoke to me.
There's never a sight of you holding me.
Disasters strike,
Destruction came.
For you i gave my wings,
and chose to fall into the sea below.
Yet you never once tried to reach out those hands
Those hands that once held mine
Never did you try to save me from falling.

Tell me, where has that warm smile and comforting hands go?
Where was the you that i once knew?
Why am i falling yet not afraid?
Maybe it's because i was crying.
Those tears that fell with me.
Fell with me into the sea.
I kept thinking,
"why aren't i afraid of it?"

Suddenly, i lost sight of you.
You must have been flying up.
Going even farther.
Never coming back.
Water surrounded me,
I knew i was crying
that tears were falling
but no one cared
and no one knew.
Because the sea was a disguise
My mask that hid the truth

Memories unfolded,
I saw life passing me,
showing me my feelings.
I looked at the scene where took the first leap.
Then i understood.
That i was the one without the wings,
I was holding you back,
Not letting you who worked for those wings fly free.

The mask on me shattered.
The dreams i once had faded.
The sounds of the wind were gone.
The tears i had disappeared.
Deep down,
in my heart; i said:
"Please, please let him fly.
Teach me to let go like him,
teach me to soar like him.
With wings of my own i shall chase.
After the dream i always held dear."

Will you let me soar?

~Elixian
(gonna put in a melody for this :\, hmm should i? xD)

[ Feelings ]

2009-11-06T07:57:00.000+08:00

Can't believe o level's is finally going to end soon @___@ after today its just left with 3 MCQ :D which means i don't really have to study till the day before hohohoho~ since all i need to do it do MCQ in the tys for the whole day before the exam lols.

Ok..I think my blog is going to be more alive now :D

hahas~

You know, there's a feeling of "that day will never come" right now... I honestly feel terrible..Although my ankle is getting better, but it cause my whole night worth's of sleep =.= it hurt so much throughout the night! Hmm, if it's ok today, i won't have to see a doctor :D can save money LOL

Hais... ):

Oh~ i'll be drawing more soon~ ^ ^! most of them (if i have the patience) will be completed and up on my deviantart account :D but, then again, if deviantart is slow~ i'll upload them on my blog LOL.

http://white-karnival.deviantart.com/

~Elixian
dearest you: i know i've been a completely annoying person to you. I know you won't wanna talk to me till you felt better. But, did you know that you've never ONCE contacted me on your own? so do you expect me to wait for years before one day you suddenly remember "hey i forgot to contact hui yee" but then again, you won't even remember me in a few years. so what's the point right? ^ ^
Sorry for being such a irritating "friend". I'm not feel well either. Anyways, get well soon. I hate seeing any of my friends getting hurt.

[ Selfishness ]

2009-11-02T17:14:00.000+08:00

I feel selfish.

I ~~think~~ am.

People know i think very negatively. People know i'm not the best and there's always someone better out there. Yes, i know. I know that.

People tell me, things come and go. And tell me to let everything go.

But, you don't tell me how to do it. I know i have to. but i don't know how to. Teach me will you?

"i'm sad" it's a phrase you'll always hear me say and type.
"i hate you!" is another phrase i'll never fail to type.

but really, why do i say that? is it just because i need attention? yes, i want it, but i don't need it really. I know i can be suicidal. Actually i am.

You'll never see scars.
You'll never see blood.

But you'll just see me as usual, laughing smiling and tell you, "hey, i'm sad you know" then i'll whine.

Who am i? i really want to know.

Why do humans cry? it's useless.

"don't cry" is something i always hear.

I'm contradicting my points.

You know, what i always want?

What i really wanted was to find someone who would understand me.

As soon as i noticed, that person was gone.

Refusal. Fine i can accept. But, promises?

I think its just that "Promises are made to be broken"

isn't it?

You know something?

i would be happy to live alone on this planet now. Nothing mattered.

If i don't see anyone. I won't feel attached. If i don't feel attached i won't have to let go. If i don't have to let go, i'll be happy.

I am selfish. I want the world to disappear now.

Dramatic as it can be. As selfish as i can be. As hateful as i can be.

I just need it to stop.

Stop.

Disappear.

Vanish.

Go away.

Fade.

Forget.

Just leave me alone.

i want the world to leave me alone.

i want to be selfish.

Let me be.

Although, i'll crave for more later. Or regret what i wished for.

I'll be better off alone.

Because no one can understand what is sadness. No one can see the sadness i feel. I know everyone else has their own sadness. But they are mature to deal with it. I'm not. I admit. So, let me be childish, be selfish.

"I'll buy it for you"
i won't forget. but.

"Promise you'll be my friend" is something everyone will forget.

"promise that you'll still be my friend" is something that will never exist.

"promise me" is something that isn't even meant to exist.

Because that 1 person i trust. is that 1 person who doesn't remember promises. Doesn't treasure friendship.

i'll remember and keep the promises i told you. But i don't and won't expect the same of you.

Because you're someone i treasure. So i will leave. If that is what takes to make you smile. Then i'll do it. But i'll hide and make sure you'll smile.

I think, i'll no longer need it.

Thank you.

But in the end, my selfishness is what caused this, so, i think after i finish that promise. I'll say Good Bye.

It's just another few days. Then, it'll be all over.

Because you'll never talk to me again. I'll never get to see you again.

~Elixian

[ Reason ]

2009-11-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

I finally screwed up my life big time.

I finally broke down the day before exams.

I finally realised that if i don't do well, my smooth journey will come to an end.

I know i've cried many a times, i know i've made people confused, irritated, frustrated just trying to tell me "the hell is wrong with you?"

I know. But i can't do it.

Its not that i don't understand, i do.

but i just can't do it. .-. silly.

im' desperate. probably.

nvm, anything.

i think, i should change.

what reason? everything.

I never had a reason.

so perhaps, the reason i needed was failure could cause everything even though i'll still live to move on and get better.

so...

here starts my new journey.

~Elixian

we were falling from the sky,
fear i had,
tears fell together with my body towards the sea.
mid way i thought,
"how i wish i'd reach the end now,
so my tears would drown,
drown together with my body in the sea,
and never will it be found."
Never will there be a me.
But there'll always be a you.

[ why? ]

2009-10-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?!?!?!?! WHY?

DO YOU HATE ME GOD?
SO YOU DESPISE ME SO MUCH YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME BE HAPPY?!
YES IT WAS MY MISTAKE. HAPPY NOW?

I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

I REALLY HAD ENOUGH.

ALL I WANTED WAS JOY!

AREN'T YOU BLOODY IDIOT SUPPOSE TO BRING JOY TO PEOPLE!? SO WHY THIS?!

I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

because you made me hate myself so much it hurts. i just wanted some time ): just a little... ):

stop making me cry. im' sad enough. i don't need more tears to fall.

it hurts like hell.

just give me a chance please?

just once more.

~Elixian

[ when was the last time..? ]

2009-10-10T17:01:00.000+08:00

I should be getting back to my studies.. but argh, nvm.

Photos and updates first.

Monday&Tuesday:

Jie~ :D

Trying to take a good photo lols

MUG HARD >:O

More photos?

Yeah i'm playing with her GC xDD so fun~ (btw those are lyrics)

I was studying bio? .-.

random i know .-.

clearer (thanks to my sis xD)

Note to self - From First to Last <3 href="http://s250.photobucket.com/albums/gg261/kuro_melody/?action=view&current=Photo0026.jpg" target="_blank">
Mugging .-.

Drive thru @.@ sigh...

I got bored .-.

Aren't they cute?

Look! it's sitting :DDD

they look so couplish :o

Thursday:

Geog lesson hohoho~ it's map reading .-.

"booby cay" lols what a name.

Retirement and Revival :O

Oh Jackass river xD

I think this was the last few lessons~ no teacher .-.

Look! Sheng yao's laughing, sadly he's photo-shy ):

Friday:

The morning at about 6am

Beautiful sky (:

about 6:45am <3 href="http://s250.photobucket.com/albums/gg261/kuro_melody/?action=view&current=Photo009-1.jpg" target="_blank">
Love the view outside my house~ the clouds are damn nice.

Lols i think this is the 3rd one o.o

hahas poor nixon?

lols ben

hmm i wonder what they're doing o.o

recess :O my cam kinda died on me =.=

Lols

Ben: :O!!!!! i think this is chris' turn o.o

Here's the Video:

Enjoy~ (:

Yes all these has been piled up. Just in case anyone's wondering, i'm slacking off right now, i'm so tired ): sigh...

No, i'm not blogging anymore. (unless i need to)

sigh >___<

I'm so died D:

~Elixian (heledine, save me pl0x T.T)

[ Merciless ]

2009-10-09T20:03:00.000+08:00

Somethings happened. i can't recall much yet again.

Time keeps flying, i'm wondering when will it fly past me. I always wished i could move back in time...

):

i'm having mood swings again...sigh, kind of sad over it .__.

Oh well~

oh yeah, for those in 4/9 the video and the answer sheet will be out tmr morning, i'll do it asap, right now, i a lil busy. Sorry for the wait...hais..

Anyways, listen to this song:

It's sounds really nice. I suppose i'll learn it another time, maybe after the Os

here's the list of things i'm probably going to do after exams..

1) get 2 more piercings
2) cut my hair
3) camp
4) work
5) get people presents i owe..
6) grind to lvl 120
7) find more songs
8) learn violin
9) learn to read faster
and many more... iuno i have so much to do but only one thing to do now:

Study.

~Elixian
[what a sad life we have]

[ Folie ]

2009-09-23T22:06:00.000+08:00

c'est la vie - this is life

Je vis actuellement une vie de folie. Ma tête blesse et mes yeux sont fatigués.

économiser moi ?

tristemente para mí..ésta es vida como sabemos él.

~elixian

isn't it great when you have epic results 1 month away from that major life-deciding event?

[ Reasons ]

2009-09-20T10:26:00.001+08:00

I've been talking to my sister lately. Talking about things like music, SID, bands, boys, guys, people, girls, b*tchy people etc. It's always interesting to hear about it.

But when it comes down to just me, i feel lkind of sad. I realised that not evryone understands me. Even if they DO know me, they only know me on the "surface". As in, people would always think i'm fierce just because i raise my voice a little more than norm. Yes, i admit i ~~MAY~~ sound (ok i DO sound fierce). However, i honestly don't mean it. Sometimes yes, it's very obvious you've ~~pissed~~ made me angry cause i show it.

Other times, i'm just fierce cause i'm in a bad mood. My mood got shattered by some insensitive person, people etc. Yeah, maybe i AM really THAT fierce. However, i'm 16, i'm not 18 or 20. I'm still childish. I'm just an ordinary girl. Don't expect me to live up to everyone's expectations.

See, even if you are an adult, you still can't manage to switch yourself until you completely satisfy every single human being. That point is simply commonsense. Yes, i know that when i say certain things like "i think these kind of people are just plain stupid" it's really insensitive and also biased. Why? because, everyone has their right to live.

When people tell me, those who smoke and pollute the air and to add on they are gangsters etc, "they should all just die"? i feel really bad for those people. Yes, i agree i REALLY HATE, people who smoke. (yes i hate smokers, shut up, my lungs are dying Dx don't wanna die farther ;-;)

but honestly, think about it. Its not their choice is it? I mean, yes it's their choice to so and smoke and all, BUT! it's not their choice to be born or not. And perhaps it's because of THEIR upbringing that they become someone who's like that? and not because they wanted to be? I dare say that certain people's view points are really childish.

I mean seriously, don't you think that discrimination is the first "check point" to causing someone to be go against you? and your typical kind of people. Yes i can think really logically and argue against you. However, i can't stop myself from thinking about things that ARE childish in other people's views right?

Haha, think about it (: like what my darling lao gong said: "there will always be other people who would love you". It's true isn't it? even the gangsters you see nowadays, they have girl friends, they have a family (even if they don't care about it etc). Don't tell me when they are like 3 or 5 years old, they're already gangsters and are "bad".

At the end of the day, everyone is a human being, even if you hate it, despise it, loath it, i don't care. Humans can feel. They are born to do it. As a child you would cry. Yes growing up may change you. But it doesn't mean you've NEVER felt before. Don't try to deny that fact. It's the simple truth.

Yes, i can sound like i'm bitching etc now. And all that on the top was bullshit. But, however you want to take it. I'll leave you be.

So what if i end up with no friends? Well, as long as i can fend for myself, live a decent life in future. I don't think that's much of a problem yes? friends are part of life, my dear friend. I know that.

I'm not angry or whatever, and i'm not trying to say you're wrong or anything that offends you. In fact, i thank you for your concern. No i'm not being sacarstic. I'm telling you it's true.

I've noticed. People who know me in real life, tend to think i'm fierce. People who only know my online, think i'm nice. I know it's the way i speak. I've tried to control. But if you guys don't wanna help me, i can't do a thing. I mean, i'm not you.

I know, if someone reads this, especially if they are older and if they are like my sister. She'll tell me it's really childish and i'm stupid etc? and that she can easily argue against my point leaving me defenseless. Yes, i know that. However, i still have my own rights to think of it as that way. I may offend people. But at least i feel know to apologise.

~Elixian
[life may not be like what i perceive it to be. however i can try.]

[ Dare you dare you, Double dare you. ]

2009-09-17T17:20:00.000+08:00

(: yes i love silent hill.

recently been doing a lot of planning, but aside from that, i've been getting back my results.

Well, prelim obviously didnt go well for me.

It sucked.

yup.

and for people who think my attitude is bad, well, i admit, i KNOW it's bad. you don't have to deal with it. You can leave if you like (: you're more than welcome to do so :D

Yes there are kind people who stick around telling me to change, i mean, i'm not angry or anything, just wondering why sometimes, people don't understand :\

don't know what im' saying? well, try to. cause if you don't, simply means you don't understand me. If you don't understand me, you'll mistake me as some idiot or some person who is asking to be beaten etc.

but yeah, if you DO know me properly, you won't come making comments. Yes, i admit i can bitch about ppl and i will be like any other typical human that just messes around. but really, i mean it when i say:

"Most people don't understand me, they think they do, but they don't."

(:

well, i have nothing more to say? lols

~Elixian
(yes i realized i owe u guys photos etc..but currently, i'm too emotionally and physically drained to even type much...sorry)

[ video ]

2009-09-13T21:34:00.001+08:00

watch it it's really touching.. i cope from my friend's blog.. but really i think it's really really touching.. (:

~Elixian

[ Name Your Darlings ]

2009-09-12T16:10:00.000+08:00

ok, so no matter what, i still don't really trust blogger >__>;;

so, i'll just upload my photos to photobucket and then upload here (: since the html code should work 100% of the time >__>

In any case, i've done a couple of things the past few days, perhaps the week.
[is it me or did blogger change me font?! it looks prettier now lols]

Monday :
I spent my whole day at home =__= sigh, honestly i didn't even go out once during the holidays D:
yes i know i woke up at 11am BUT!!!!! i slept at 3am D: can't blame me right? right?! D:

Tuesday :
Yup, i slept late again at about 2am? iuno, woke up early to go to school (YAY FOR FREEDOM!!!) lols. Got back chemistry paper, and i'm proud to say~ I got the grade i expected :D

I'll let you guess the grade (: it's a grade that only chemistry has gotten my whole secondary life >__>

Went home with Pei Yee :D and Angel :) hehe

Wednesday :
Can't remember what i did, must have been a normal day where by~!
10am, wakes up.
10:15am, plays computer.
12:00nn, eat lunch.
12:15pm, computer more :D
6:00pm, dinner + TV
8:00pm, play with my sis
9:30pm, go upstairs, read chemistry
10:30pm, gives up and lies about playing with lappie <3>.>

Thursday :
I think the same thing happened o.o except, i studied from 2pm to 4:30pm :D hahas <3 message ="__="> Xiu Yi lao gong >:D

Friday :
[DAMN BLOGGER!!! IT DELETED MY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY PART =____=]
i'm really starting to hate blogger Dx GAH.

ok, anyways, it's just the same thing i guess o.o except i didn't study, practiced the piano, played my scores~ oh, printed new scores~ :)

lols i took an hour to type a message =__= it was 8 messages long xDD hehe anyways: Happy Birthday Dennis :P

Slept at 2:30am cause i talked to my sis for 2 hours lols xDDDDD

Saturday:
WOOT! my dad just bought me new handphones :DDDD
another darling to the collection hohohoho~!

1) Lappie~ <3
2) Ipod :D
3) Headphones (x
4) Handphone~
5) Penguin :D
6) Naino~ <3
7) my bed~~ hahahas :D
8) and just one more :] abnormal person according to my sis lols.

hehe okies~
[P.S. i'm a lil hyper now :x please don't mind meh D:]

Well~
[oh blogger's font is the same, just that if you reduce the size it looks prettier @.@ how silly of me D:]

i'm saving for the for following reasons :D
1) A set of headphones for Dennis
2) Lolita for Xiu xiu
3) some books (xiao shuo?) for Angel
4) Either Hello Kitty toy or Music stuffs for Natalie
5) Small gifts for Jordon, Alvin.. etc the guys and Tammy and Winarti o.o

Yes they are all Christmas :) but i'm trying to get them asap (:
Planning to work after O levels, anyone wants to join me? xDD hehe

[before i blow up, thanks to blogger, i'm too lazy to upload the photos now..maybe later? lols, in case you're wondering about the abnormal person, no it's not who you think :D its a normal bishie~ too handsome/hot/shuai for you HAHAHAHAHA *punched*]

~Elixian

[ No Matter What ]

2009-09-10T00:33:00.000+08:00

NO matter what you wanted to say, that wasn't important.

I just wanted to say sorry for what i did.

My words may have shown something i didn't want you to see.

I'm sorry. Sincerely.

Though you would never read this here, now or in future.

I just want to let you know, i'm really sorry.

I hope you can forget that side of me.

Sorry. ):

I know that you may not be angry, but just i really feel sorry.

Sometimes, i get carried away..

In the end, i still wear that mask, im' still faking it for you to see..

):

~Elixian
P.S. no matter what, i hope you can forget and forgive me ): thankyou..if you do...

[ Failure ]

2009-09-07T14:43:00.000+08:00

Yes, blogger is failing yet again... sigh

i know i haven't updated for years, and i could update.

(i'm just lazy to format and type in my html codes)

Yeah...well~ i'll blog again some other time when blogger's working/functioning properly hahas

Just a little thing:

I enjoyed yesterday :D hahas

~Elixian

[ Escape the Insanity ]

2009-08-29T21:42:00.000+08:00

Yes, i just realised Blogger yet again, practically failed me =__= but whatever..meh~

First off~

My prelim papers~ all the heavy papers are gone!!
but apparently i screwed up everything heh..don't care =__=

Ok...So finished the teacher's cards..blah blah blah..heh boring week...

so here's a part of a convo i had =__=

Person: lol
Me: .__.
mah
i wants huggies D:
hugs*
>__>
Person : nope
Me: huggies sound so wrong
D:
glomps ._.
bites
D:
why notttttttttttttttt
Person: huh?
me: >:
why are you being evil
._.
Person: lol
to entertain you
Me: xD
oh how nice
so if you don't entertain me you'll give me multiple hugs??
xD
Person: nope
Me: ):
i'm smiling at the screen lols.

[Reason behind teh evilness =__=]

Person: its a way of making things look nice
erm see ahhh
if i'm bad to you most of the time
you will feel very touched if i do something nice to you suddenly
(:
me: xD
what logic
Person: makes sense?
its a good technic
but fails on bimbos
Me: lols
why
Person: most bimbos
they dun think
Me : xDDD
Person: even if yyou're bad to them they think you're nice
Me: lols
i wonder why they have a brain
Person: people like you fall prey to it easily
Me: =__=
FINE
):
Person: lol
you're not a bimbo
but you just lack love

By the end of it i felt insulted .__. meep. meh~

Anyways here's a vid i tot took a lot of effort to make :DD

And here's one you should search for on youtube:
The Used - Smother Me (no it's not rock, it's actually mostly piano in this song x])

hahas~ oh and i was reading thru my old post, just wondering if i should revive my darling~ "Behind the Scenes"

~Elixian

[ insanity ]

2009-08-23T21:03:00.000+08:00

i'm driving myself INSANE :D

~Elixian

[ Prelims ]

2009-08-23T20:44:00.001+08:00

sigh...i think i'm brain dead lor...

i pasted the word "study" all over my room =__=

so here is it again, so i'll do it once i open the internet...

HEY YOU SHUT THE FREAKING SCREEN AND

STUDY

[ Destruction Piece ]

2009-08-13T20:56:00.000+08:00

Hey people!!

Yes i know it's nearing exam period and i'm not suppose to be doing such stuffs... hahas~ ah well :x

Here's a few photos:

[7 August]:
It's national day celebration for us secondary 4E/5N :) haha Breakfast!!!

we made william an amazing sandwich which i doubt he'll forget (:<
Lum cheng hugging bread? that's our breakfast :P!

someone loves to sing to the bottle huh? (blurred)

Then we student leaders had a farewell~~~ whoohooo!! (i didn't take photos :P too lazy)

After that we went for dinna~ (: hahas

Guess who? we're at popular lols that big bunch of us o.o

MENU FOR DINNAAAAA :D

hahas~

[Destruction Piece]:
This one's for angel, i'm still thinking for one for natalie ): damn... You know, i think this one fits dennis more so than angel O.O

(No captions: i'm too lazy x___x)

Yes it's called destruction piece. so what? i love that idea...just not really suited for angel...should i change??? )): maybe it's the colour >__< on paper it looked freaking pretty D: gosh...

Any Comments?? hahas

~Elixian

[ ELIXIAN! ]

2009-08-10T20:13:00.000+08:00

It's been a boring week..yet again..

And i officially say that i have no mood to blog yet again~! hahas.

Well, this is what i've been doing for the past few days... of course my mood isn't at it's best this week :\

Half way thru T__T

Still trying to erase @___@ sigh...

Oh, the photo taking session..iuno i think this one was taken quite long ago.. o.o

---------------------------------------------------------

[Monday]
It's yet another day i can't remember =__= don't ask me why.

[Tuesday]
Erm..just another day i guess?? i somehow just lost all my memories...

[Wednesday]
Something happened, i can't remember :\

[Thursday]
Erm..mock test, that's all i remember...

[Friday]
It's the last day i'm i the student council!!! xDD hahas i graduated today o.o

Morning started off with morning assembly, then the NDP parade and celebrations for the juniors. We seniors were "isolated" from the sec 1 to 3s o.o

We had morning breakfast!!! hahas made a disgusting sandwich for william, (i hope he's all right @__@) Oh! and jennifer's sick ): (GET WELL SOON!!! MUST HOR)

Then we had a dialog session with mrs chua, then singing~

funny leh, the seniors only sang to "Home" hahas, well i admit, it's still my favourate NDP song. :P old so what?

Then we took the mock test...which was easy xD lols. i finished it with 30 mins left to sleep, stare, day dream etc :P

After that i went to play the piano~! hahas i love the sound of the piano in the hall @___@ and the hall effects is fraeking nice to boot~ hahas

Then went for SL Graduation. Yeah, i did do something, but it's over so blah :P

Then ate dinner with..erm..

Dennis, Benjamin, Adeline, Darylene, Karen, Sean(?), Jordon, Kenji and some others i can't remember @__@ there's a bunch of us xDD hahas.

Then, we went to central stage after dinner, Dennis went off first saying something about going to the toilet O.o...! then, after i walked to central stage i realised i need to go off liao.. (so sad!!!) hahas.. aiya.. nvm, had fun~

and Thanks all the juniors~

Yes yes, i know u people don't know me well but thanks anyways for the gifts (:

Btw =__= i am NOT strict lor ): i always kena misunderstand de... ;___; hais...

[Saturday]
Erm... tuition..?i can't remember...

[Sunday]
Eh..i woke up at 6 something, bathed, went to the temple came home, played the computer for the rest of the day until 11:30, i slept.

[Monday]
Erm, woke up at 8:00am..bathed, studied until about 9:45am?? ate breakfast, drink milo AND coffee, went for tuition... (hardcore) =__= tuitiont from 10:30am to 4:00pm (i pity my teacher sia..and us ofcourse.. =__=)

Came home, tried some art for my darling stephanie who's birthday is TMR!!!! and the start of her prelims is also tmr =__= (JIA YOU!! YOU CAN DO IT)

er..yeah...then, ate dinner...going to eat dessert now hahas...

[Notes]
I've been on fb lately...i wonder why...i feel so sad recently too :\
i should stop being so...emotional =__=

I need hugs ):!

Oh, i need to finish my homework x___x and that design...

~Elixian

[ Welcome back ]

2009-08-08T10:29:00.001+08:00

whoohoo!!! blogger's back :DD

lols anyways.. just a vid hahas i'm bored yeah.

It's a duet :D

hahas anyways~ i'll update some other time...

~Elixian
(so sorry joseph!!!)

[ Piercings ]

2009-08-02T16:28:00.000+08:00

You know i think piercings are really cool xDD hahas

Yeah, some think 1 pair is good enough (which i agree, it depends on your looks right?)

I wanna get another 2 more xDD hehe on my right ear lols. And no, i don't really like mutation from piercings...i think it's pretty disgusting... :P

hahas this is yet another post...

Bored ):

I SPENT 80 MIL AGAIN D: on a casual suit ;__; sigh gotta earn it back now T__T

~Elixian

[ Crashing down on me ]

2009-07-30T23:03:00.000+08:00

collapsed.

Because i wanted to.

White Karnival tainted with red stars.
~Elixian

[ Dare you ]

2009-07-29T20:34:00.000+08:00

I wanted to see you so badly
I wanted to forget you just as much
I wanted to move up to you
but i didn't dare to.

I didn't dare to add you,
I no longer dare to talk to you.
I have this fear for you.
That 6 words were piercing.
I wished i didn't have to hear it.

I need to change and forget.
I need to be someone i want to be.
I need to stop dreaming and start believing.
I need to be me.
But i didn't dare to.

I dare myself to do it,
but in the end,
I still don't dare to move.
I fear you.
Yet, i want to see you.

I no longer want this thing.
I can throw it away.
But in the end.
I'll still kill myself and dig for it.
I want to see you.
I want to see my missing piece.

~Elixian.
"Never die on your knees." Fight it.

[ Because we used to be ]

2009-07-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

We used to be more thsn just these puppets.
Used to be a person with feelings.
I used to be someone.
Someone who had rights.
Someone who was alive.
Now i'm nothing but a Tool.
And Tools are meant to be used.
I'm just another person who "died".
And i feel like the world will collapse.
It will die with me.
It will break and wear away.
Just like how tools,
were made to be.

Because we used to be more than just me.
because,
i used to be me.

Its simply because,
we used to be us.

Why did i change? why did we change?
I'd like to know,
Why?

Because we're more than just these pawns of a game.
a game called "life and death".
So dream out loud and make this world fall.
Make it collapse and make it scream.
Make it suffer just like we did.
I will bring this world down with me.
Just like we used to be.
Because.
Because, i.
Because i used to be.

In the end.
I loved my past.
Simply because it was us.
Because we used to be.

so have faith in me.
because i no longer believe.
I was a dreamer.
but the dream ended.
I'm no longer a dreamer,
so tell me gaia.

Why did we change,
from what we use to be?

would you dream with me?

-----------------------------------------------
The strings snapped.

~Elixian